Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 10:18pm
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I've always been taught that anyone who points out that she's classier than you, isn't!

An OBSERVATION! C

Avatar for mama2gigi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 11:24pm
I disagree that she's villifying a woman for doing the same things as her DH. She's arguing that a having a parent home all day is more important that having all the nicest things and a great big house.

I think what's hard for me (and probably the OP too) to understand is why a mother would "choose" to be away from their child for 40 hours a week if they don't really have to. I know that if I didn't have to work, even pt, I wouldn't. I really enjoy being home with my children. I can't imagine that I would enjoy any other career more.

I guess it just depends on what you think is more in the long run.. your child saying "my mom stayed home, took care of me, and was always there when I needed/wanted her" or "my mom sent me to an ivy league school and bought me a car for my 16th bday". A.

Andrea...
mom

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 11:52pm
Technically this response is from Virgo and Savcal. . .

We weren't discussing YOUR family and YOUR situation in the message your friend responded to. . .we were discussing generalities.

80 hours is not 40 hours. . .

And anyone who thinks our relationships with our kids has been compromised hasn't seen us with them. . .and since Virgo has seen Savcal with her kids and vice versa. . .let us assure you. . .our relationships are just fine.

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 11:52pm
It just makes it what you want.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 11:54pm
I'm sorry his father agrees. No, he needs both parents. I find it sad you think he needs a father less.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 11:57pm
WHAT IF I said I found it sad that you CHOOSE to spend 40 hours a week away from your children? I doubt you would find that any less offensive than I find your comments about my situation. To each his own. As I've said before, and will say again, we do what works for our family. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 11:59pm
Isn't what's best for our family what we all want? Or did I miss something here? C
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 12:02am
What is best for our families? Mine didn't come with an instruction manual calling out the best possible scenarios so I choose what I want out of life which may or may not be what is best but if it's not harmful, what's the issue? Wanting something doesn't make it best. It makes it what we want. The only way to really determine what is best would be to live two lifestyles side by side and compare results.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 12:03am
Then how in God's name can either of you (or anyone else on this board for that matter) presume that my DS's relationship with his father has been (or will be in the future) compromised? Afterall, you haven't seen them together, so how can you KNOW?

Wow! Thank you for allowing me to just beat you at your game with that little admission. I mean, if y'all haven't seen my DH and DS together, how do you KNOW their relationship has been compromised by the five hours they aren't spending together each week b/c DH is working?

ROTFLMAO! C

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 12:04am
The issue at hand is working mega hours not a normal schedule. Time is not in short supply working a normal schedule. I find it sad that you think your ds doesn't need his father as much as you. I find it very sad when one parent builds up their own importance to their children at the expense of the other, usually the father.

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