Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
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Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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Avatar for mama2gigi
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 1:23am
I find it interesting that many of you "snarky" women here do not have profiles attached to your user names. Why is that? Do you prefer to conduct your witch hunts incognito? Odd, but understandable. When you're as mean as many of you are you really wouldn't want people to know anything about you. A.

Andrea...
mom

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 1:45am
Why does she need to get real? Her answers are about as straight forward and real as you can get.

Avatar for mama2gigi
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 2:01am
She needs to get real b/c she's so far up on her soapbox I'm afraid she might fall and hurt herself. I think equating using a friend as an example on an internet chat board to backstabbing is ridiculous. It's harmless. You people don't know the friend, she hasn't told you her name, she hasn't told you where the friend lives or anything else that identifies that person specifically. It's hardly backstabbing if there's no possible way the person is going to get hurt. She's entitled to disagree with her friends choices and she's stated that she discussed that with her friend. Enough said.

I'm willing to bet that H&I doesn't backstab her friends b/c she doesn't have any to backstab. With her vicious, miserable and self-righteous attitude I'd be surprised if many people wanted to hang around with her.

In addition, H&I obviously has some grossly over-inflated opinion of herself in thinking that a perfect stranger has nothing better to do with their time than to cyber-stalk her. I'm just trying to breathe a little reality into her life.

I realize that her answers are straight forward. It's not her answers I'm taking issue with (I truly believe that everyone is entitled to his/her opinion). It's her constant harping on the fact that the OP knew about her darn bird. Who cares?

She also seems convinced that the OP is someone else. Which I find hilarious b/c I've known the OP for over 2 years now and I know she's not anyone other than who she says she is. H&I has her knickers in a twist about someone/thing and she can't seem to see the forest for the trees. A.


Edited 7/5/2003 2:14:18 AM ET by mama2gigi

Andrea...
mom

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 2:14am
That had absolutely nothing to do with my post. However I will comment on a few things in your post:

<>

I have gathered that he is retiring in no less than 10 years. So does that mean at 12 years old their son will finally be able to retain memories of his life. Seems like an awfully long time to wait.

<> So?


<>

I know many full-time working dads who do all that.......So what's your point?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 2:23am
Except, as I understood it, "retiring" meant cutting back to 30 hours a week, not being there every second. Between me and my dh, our kids are gone only 30 to 35 hours a week (which is, BTW, a normal school schedule for most kids), they have had just as much contact with both of us since their birth and will continue to until they leave home....not just after having spent the first few years barely seeing daddy.

And I will point out (though naturally this might not happen in this particular family) that I have seen what happens to children in other families where the father had much more time for subsequent children: very often the father was much closer to the children he spent more time with as babies and toddlers and the ones who had not had a close relationship in his/her younger years tended to feel very left out. It is not a given, but it does very often happen.

Laura

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 2:24am
Wow. That post certainly says quite a lot about YOUR character. Sorry, but I do not share your same views about Hank&Indysmom.

I have never seen you post here. So I must say those are quite the scathing remarks for someone who just "popped up" to defend a friend. Let's see first it was her husband, then you......So when is the rest of here family going to jump in to back up her lame debate.

Avatar for mama2gigi
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 2:33am
Don't you get it? Her debate is only lame b/c you don't agree with it. You're attacking her, H&I is accusing her of being someone else and you've (maybe not you personally, but some on this board) have accused her DH of being evil and greedy b/c of his line of work. It's no longer a debate.. it's a witch hunt.

Even my DH (who has recently started following this thread b/c he wanted to know what was getting me so riled up) sees why her DH is working so hard right now. My DH works pretty much standard hours and schedules any additional work for times when the kids are otherwise occupied anyways. But, he understands why someone would want to bust their butt now, so that they can be home more later.

If the OP and I should understand why WOHM's choose to do so, then why can't you understand why her DH makes the choices he does? There is a lot of talk about open-mindedness on this board. But that seems to be all it is.. talk. A.

Andrea...
mom

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Registered: 08-29-2002
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 2:37am
Nope, sorry it is not a developmental stage either...it's a personality thing. Plenty of kids that age with SAH moms prefer daddy the second he walks through the door. I know kids who have preferred daddy from day one and kids who preferred mommy and most kids flip-flop between the two attitudes regardless age or SAH WOH status. Kids who have a lot of regular contact with both tend to prefer one parent for some things and the other parent for others... (and I am talking babies and toddlers here)

Laura

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 2:38am
And I find it interesting that you accuse other of being mean & snarky. Yet, ironically we find these pearls of wisdom in your posts:

<>

Yeah, your just a regular Mother Theresa, aren't you!!!!!!! LOL



Avatar for mama2gigi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 2:41am
As far as my character and scathing remarks are concerned... I can only draw conclusions about a person based on what they have to say here. When what they have to say bears little resemblence to a debate and more to an insult contest it speaks volumes as to their character. H&I has debated very little, insulted the OP and myself continually, and has even accused the OP of stalking and impersonating someone or at least misrepresenting herself.

My character is just fine. I sleep well at night. It's the vicious, snarky, self-righteous ladies on this board that need a lesson in good character. A.

Andrea...
mom

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