Are schools fair to working parents?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Are schools fair to working parents?
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Fri, 03-16-2012 - 2:38pm

I said parents because I think that working dads miss out even more than the moms do when it comes to school activites.

Chelsea

"Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 7:55pm

Personally, I think it is much healthier for parents not to attend all of the school functions. The "pressure to helicopter" is getting ridiculous and more parents should just say no, thanks. I went to some, but certainly not all of the various school events. I just asked the kids to rate the important ones, and those were the ones I attended.

They need for school to be their world.

I reinforced this value at home, so my kids never felt left out when I didn't show up at something that the other parents attended. When my kids really wanted me there, I made it. The rest of the time, I let them feel free to perform or make mistakes on their own. This is healthy because it helps the child understand that the world doesn't revolve around him/her, and that every performanceor project

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 8:01pm

I think the parents should be addressing these expectations at home. My kids knew that I wasn't going to show up at every event, not because I wasn't available, but because I thought they needed school as their time away from me. It's just horrible to set your kids up to expect you to show up every time--nobody needs that much parental contact while they are supposed to be at school.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 8:17pm

Unless you are only going to have one child, there will be ocasions when someone is going to be disappointed.

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-1999
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 9:03pm
When my DD is feeling pouty and PMS-ee, she loves to pull out the following: When DD #2 did Gymnastics, a lot of her meets were on Sundays. Once, ONCE, one of older DD's horse shows was the same day. Since DH works every Sunday, I had to punt. DD #1's best friend also rides and was also in that show, so her mom took both of them to the horse show. I took DD#2 to the meet. Boy does she love to bring that out. I just say, "You're darn lucky we pay for you to take riding lessons to begin with."

Of course the fact the DH has attended very few of either events (due to work) never seems to come up. :)
Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 8:03am
Mommy needs to stop telling kid she'll be there when she knows she won't.. Problem solved.

 

 

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 8:10am
My elementary school kid is the only one who still has ceremonies and school events like that, One of us (and sometimes both of us) make those. At one of DS leadership things I had told him that Dh was going to be there but a meeting or something came up and he couldn't get there that time, The first thing my DS said when I went up to congratulate him after the ceremony was, Where is dad.. I like that you prioritize events and in the grand scheme of things some events are more important than others here too, My kid almost always asks that we get involved in the fund raisers because it means there's something - like a book - in it for him, Lol.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 8:26am
Problem is NOT solved when parent tells kid, "I will be there if I can but I have a meeting I HAVE to go to that might overlap with your program" which is the truth, but is too vague for a six-year-old to process. The Kia hears, "Mom is going to come if she can." the hope is still there. Some kiss have a hard time with uncertainty. If I had a kid like that I would not leave him hanging with a "maybe" answer, but at some point a kid needs to learn to live with some uncertainty.
Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 9:43am

Why share your schedule with a kid if you don't think h/she can process it? And the word maybe means the chance is 50/50 you'll be there, Unless you always use "maybe" and never show up... Kids are resilient and they probably deal with more uncertainty than many adults,Consistency is what parents should model.

 

 

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 10:28am
If kids can deal with uncertainty, why the need to model consistency? Also, ime, consistency - in the context of this discussion - isn't something that is controlled by the parent; it's dependent upon factors outside the parents' control.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 11:37am
I was unaware that the word "maybe" meant that there is a 50/50 chance that something would happen.

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