Are there any perfect answers?

Avatar for bobcatkathi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are there any perfect answers?
4
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 12:32pm
I've seen a lot of questions lately on the board about the right age or number for this and that. But I wonder if there are any real true answers for this. I think there are ways not to do things, yet I don't know that within the confines of reason is there any true and absolute answer to such a question as what age to have a child. People are individuals and the maturity level of one person at age 20 may be far different than another. At age 18 I wasn't ready to be married but someone else may have been. I find it weird to even ask such questions. And yes the confines I am speaking of are religiously based and some of you wouldn't like my answers so there is no point in further probing because you just aren't going to convience me to change. I didn't post answers to any of the what age questions because I just don't know. I only know what worked for me. All my choices have worked out wonderfully and am not sorry for any of them. Maybe I am just lucky.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 1:11pm
Ya' know, if we got into the religious stuff, we would most surely disagree, but outside of that I agree with your basic premise.

We had dinner a few nights ago with a couple just hitting 40. They met in their first year of college, fell madly in love, married and had a baby (not necessarily in that order, but I didn't ask). Their moms took turns helping them out after the baby was born. But before when the wife was on bedrest for 3 months, the husband took all her classes in addition to his own, so she wouldn't lose the semester. They finished college and had a second child 5 years ago. It all sounds impossible when they tell it, but not only did they make it, they are happy, together, have great jobs and great kids.

Other people wait till they are fully established, only to run into different problems. Still others have kids late in life and are happy with that choice. It must really be more about how you meet challenges, because it is always a challenge to raise kids I think, than what your circumstances are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 1:29pm
I think the "true" answers are different for everyone, but for people like iomoon, mm1970 and others who haven't yet had kids, they might be interested in the various answers. And like most topics, I think the variety of viewpoints is really interesting. Everyone views marriage a little differently.

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Avatar for cl_annieb67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 1:39pm
The premise that there are any *right* answers, is very scary to me.

I don't like the notion that *anyone* can dictate, or question, how many/when/where/why children another should conceive. The whole concept carries a 'tone' that, imo, clashes with our Democracy. I still believe the individuals have the common sense to know what is best for them.

I had my first child at 21, a single mother. I went on to have 2 more by the time I was 29. Toss in a step child, and financially, I should have only had 2. But, they are here now, and not a whole lot can be done about it. None of them were planned, per se, but nothing stringent was done to guarantee against conception either. They don't go without, they always eat, and have a decent home.

Besides, when I go to cash my advance child tax-credit check this week, I will be *very* grateful to have three. ;O)

"There in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I close my eyes, feel their beauty and follow where they lead."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 11:43pm
i find some of these questions rather odd, as at 46yo, i have never even contemplated some of them. having children at 25, 26 and 30 has worked out well for me, and im glad i did it the way i have, however, it might not be for someone else. i often think about how extremely different my life might have been if i had waited say a month, year or even a day off of when we conceived our children, and what our children might have been like. i contemplate many "what ifs", but am quite satisfied with the way things have turned out for me. believe it or not, my faith has a lot to do with how i did things, so although we may not agree with specific religious or denominational practices, we do agree on faith, and the value of it.

im not a great planner, and take things as they come, but i try to do things intellegently when i come to each crossroad.