Are we realy that different?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Are we realy that different?
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 11:15am

Often SAHMs will talk about WOHM like they are a foreign species and WOHMs do the same talking about SAHMs like they are a foreign species.

Are SAHM and WOHM really that different?

As someone who has done both I don't think so. I did not suddenly change when I returned to the work force or when I again left the work force for a few months.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 11:18am

It depends on what you mean by different.

Is my parenting different between sahp and wohp?


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 11:20am

I don't think so but like you, I've done both.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2010
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 11:22am

I think that for the *average* woman, the day to day stuff is not so different.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 11:32am

You know, I've done both as well, and I do think they're different--both for the parents and the kids. But maybe that's because I sah when the kids were small and am now working during the school years. If I were to sah now, it wouldn't have much impact on my kids, since they're gone during the day anyway (but would give me a lot more free time). When I sah, the kids weren't in school, and they weren't in a lot of activities.

But by "different," I don't mean a foreign species. I just mean they're different ways of parenting and organizing your family life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 11:42am
That hasn't been my experience. I connect with some sahps and some wohps and I don't connect with some sahps and some wohps. IME, sah/woh doesn't predict parenting style, personality, or even political identity.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 12:58pm
I do not look at a SAHM as necessarily being hugely different, BUT when I talk to someone who is militant about either work status, I do look at that person as being very different from me. Call me wishy-washy, but I do not have strong opinions about what others should do with their lives, I don't see the world in black and white, and I think that the happiest, healthiest families are the ones who are able to come up with their own way of doing things based on the individuals, their talents, their personalities, their needs, their geographic location. When someone argues that there is one way that is superior across the board, I feel like they are from a different planet because I do not know how someone can live in the same world I do, with so much diversity, and think that there are one-size-fits-all solutions to anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 1:05pm
No, I don't think that SAHMs and WOHMs are much different at all. We (general) tend to talk as though all SAHMs are self-righteous helicopter parents with no ambition or identity beyond their children, and as though all WOHMs are materialistic go-getters that don't find their children as gratifying as their paycheck. I call BS on both of those viewpoints for the majority of mothers. We're all just trying to play the cards that we've been given the best we can and searching for (and sharing?) signs that we're on the right track.

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 1:12pm
That sums it up nicely I think.


What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.

Mark Twain

Avatar for mommy2amani
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 1:34pm
I agree with that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 2:13pm
this reminds me of an old debate, what was brought up was if you were to line up SAHMS with WOHMS, could you tell them apart and the answre is a no...however, i do think individual family dynamics do change depending on either arrangement.