Are we realy that different?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Are we realy that different?
372
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 11:15am

Often SAHMs will talk about WOHM like they are a foreign species and WOHMs do the same talking about SAHMs like they are a foreign species.

Are SAHM and WOHM really that different?

As someone who has done both I don't think so. I did not suddenly change when I returned to the work force or when I again left the work force for a few months.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 8:16am

Dh and I don't have to go out to have quiet alone time


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 10:39am

I agree with you & like how you stated it.


Yes, I'm home for my kids. But that is only one of a variety of reasons I'm home.


I'm not in the sah camp that I do this because of the kids only and the days are centered around kids and childcare totally.


We all get something from my being at home in this house.


And I have a great deal of responsibilities so it isn't all about the kids although things on that list directly relate to caring for the children.


Polkadots&FlipFlops

Polkadotandflipflops

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 10:41am

Yes, plenty of opportunities daily for quiet alone time for dh & I.


But we do love to go out, two date nights on the calendar and thinking about a third one to add.


Polkadots&FlipFlops

Polkadotandflipflops

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 7:41am
I agree with you & like how you stated it.


Yes, I'm home for my kids. But that is only one of a variety of reasons I'm home.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 8:54am

Ditto!


For myself, I do not "expect" anything but I get so much more than I could get woh. Reward, Fulfillment, Satisfaction, Enjoyment, Embrace, Peace, Freedom...............


Polkadotandflipflops

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 10:11am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 4:16pm

I don't equate the two. Dh has his career. We have always since day 1 of living together lived on his salary even before I became a sah. I see it more as we each have our responsibilities that we take care of than expectation. Perhaps it is just that I do not like the word expectation in this context. His responsibility list includes earning the financial part of our lives together. Always has been. One of my many responsibilities is to for example to take care of all the groceries and errands. Yes, you can attach expectation to them both. But I don't know, me expecting dh to go to work in the morning is like him expecting me to put the full course meal on the table tomorrow night. There is no need for expectation, it is his responsibility to go to the office and it is mine to make a full meal, dessert and brew the tea. Really there is no difference I guess, it just comes down to that I don't like to use the word but prefer a substitute word.


In the context of what eg was saying I don't think it equated to this in the present discussion.


I think what she was saying and ITA with is in my day to day routine I do not expect anything in return. I just love being with my kids and making our home a clean, pretty happy place to be with some really good food.




Polkadots&FlipFlops



Edited 7/25/2010 4:31 pm ET by polkadotandflipflops

Polkadotandflipflops

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 4:49pm

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What you get in return is full funding for your at-home life.
He provides security and gets comfort in return. You provide comfort and get security in return. It's a win-win scenario as long as each person continues to uphold their end of the arrangement.












iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 5:39pm

While true, it was that way when I woh since we only lived on his salary & always did the whole time I worked. It just doesn't "FEEL" like an expectation with either one of us. We are a team, we each have things we are each responsible for that the other reaps reward and comfort from with full enjoyment.


Of course, I do realize if he works and I spend that week away on a trip then my responsibilities are being put on "hold" until I get back other than the things he does to keep the house going ha


Polkadots&FlipFlops

Polkadotandflipflops

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 7:15pm

I do understand that what you "get" from staying at home is a sense of personal satisfaction, contentment and joy. I was only pointing out that if you couldn't expect (a.k.a. count on) DH to provide a salary big enough for the whole family to live on, then he couldn't expect (count on) you to personally create the same type of home environment as a WOHM that you are able to create as a SAHM.

Granted, I once tutored for a family where both parents worked full time and they came home to cleaned and pressed linens, a spotless house, a hot gourmet dinner on the table, kids diligently studying, etc, but that's because they both earned six-figure incomes and could employ a housekeeper, a cook, and a private tutor. Usually, time tending to work duties would take away from time tending to home duties, so I can see how a couple whose income does not allow this sort of formal arrangement might find it desirable to live on one income and get the same creature comforts through the elbow grease of the SAHP.

We're each expected to pull our weight in a relationship, however that weight may be defined and distributed.












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