Are working moms stretched too thin?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Are working moms stretched too thin?
1078
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 2:45pm

Do you think a mom who works full-time and has kids is stretched too thin?

I was working full-time up till November of 2005. Then I decided that it was all too much. I was exhausted and found that when I did get to spend time with my little guy (he is now 2 1/2) I was very impatient with him because I was soo tired. Also the stress of work often overflowed into my personal life (both with ds and dh).

Now that I have been home for over 6 months, I am finally starting to be more patient and am enjoying my son instead of rushing him along. If he want to take 20 minutes to get into the car - ok, no problem.

So - do you think that trying to juggle work, kids, marriage and all the stresses that come with those things is too much? (I did)

Maybe when my son is older - then I will go back to work and it might be easier because he will be more self-sufficient? Who knows? All I know is that for now, I am enjoying being a SAHM and am glad for the time I get to devote to my son and the lower stress levels (that I believe were very unhealthy for me).

josee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 1:15pm

I think it's okay if the kids discuss their trip but if they have a "na-na-na-na-na, we went to Six Flags and you didn't"attitude than that's wrong. You can't protect children from everything they are going to hear.

My DD was just telling me before that one of her good friends in class invited 5 girls to go to Build A Bear and for a sleepover for her birthday. She wasn't upset(I asked her). But, I could see how a child could feel bad especially that these girls brought the bears to school one day. I asked DD if she was only allowed to invite 5 girls, who would they be? I picked a girl that she didn't name and asked her how she would feel if she heard them talking about it and she said that it probably wouldn't bother the girl. I then asked her if they started teasing that she wasn't invited and she said that the girl would probably get upset. So, they should be taught a difference in how they discuss these things. I would start teaching them as soon as they were school age.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 3:14pm
Is the desire to SAH more intuitive in mothers than the desire to WOH?

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Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 4:21pm

I would get him up at 5:30am, do breakfast, dress ect. and on most days it all worked out. "

Good grief. I've worked full time since the twins were 13.5 months old. They get up at 8 a.m. I wouldnt have lasted if I had had to get them up at 5.30 a.m. and schlep them somewhere so I can relate to not wanting to do *that.*

We have a full time SAHP, it just happens to be their dad.

MM

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 4:31pm
I have no idea. For me, it felt right when my kids were little. OTOH, woh feels right now that they're older.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 4:36pm
I don't think your child has to pretend she didn't go. I don't think she should tease or taunt the other child about not getting to go.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 4:40pm
I pretty much agree with your approach. I tell my kids not to discuss parties at school now that the whole class isn't invited, and I don't give out invitations at school. But the kids still find out about this stuff.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 10:37pm

My husband did stay home with our son for 6 months.

In canada we get 1 year paid maternity leave. We split it. I did months 1-6 and her did months 6-12. I am really glad we did that. It was a wonderful experience for us.

When we decided that I would stay home full time...he was very supportive. He knows what staying home involves since he did it himself. That being said, if I ever chose to work again, I know he would be supportive too.

Twins - that has to be a handfull!! How is it going?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 10:42pm

Good question.

In my opinion that would totally depend on the particular mom you are asking.

When ds was first born, I was 100%, for sure going back to work. Couldn't wait to get back. Then 1.5 years went by and my feelings changed a lot. They changed so much that I ended up quitting in Nov. to stay home.

So not only does it depend on the particular mom you ask, I think in my case my desires changed over time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 11:12pm

Wouldn't I have to not be there at all to have sacrificed those years? I don't work 168 hours a week. What I sacrificed (using your words because I don't consider it one) is 40 hours a week or about 25% of my time and it's not sacrificed, it's traded for a better standard of living.

Why does not spending 24 x 7 with your kids mean you sacrificed those years? I have clear recollection of my children's early years in spite of working. How can that be if I sacrificed those years?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 11:38pm

For ME, personally, 40 hours a week was a sacrifice. It might not be for you and I totally respect that... but for me it was. So I made a decision to stay home and spend those 40 hours (or actually, in my case, it was more like 50+ hours/week) at home with my son.

Of course not everyone thinks 40-50 hours/week away from their baby or toddler is a sacrifice but I did (and I am sure others do too.) It all depends on what you feel defines something being a sacrifice. To me giving up that time with my son was a sacrifice. Just like to some giving up $52,000/year would be considered a sacrifice - to me it isnt. It all depends on the person and what they feel defines a sacrifice.

Thats all.

"it's traded for a better standard of living." - I feel that my standard of living (and I dont necessarily mean money here) is better then ever now that I am home.

"I have clear recollection of my children's early years in spite of working. How can that be if I sacrificed those years?"

Of course you have a clear recollection of your children's early years. I guess I just want my recollection to include those extra 50 hours/week.

For me its a sacrifice to not have those extra 50 hours/week with my son, for you it isn't.

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