Are working moms stretched too thin?
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| Tue, 06-13-2006 - 2:45pm |
Do you think a mom who works full-time and has kids is stretched too thin?
I was working full-time up till November of 2005. Then I decided that it was all too much. I was exhausted and found that when I did get to spend time with my little guy (he is now 2 1/2) I was very impatient with him because I was soo tired. Also the stress of work often overflowed into my personal life (both with ds and dh).
Now that I have been home for over 6 months, I am finally starting to be more patient and am enjoying my son instead of rushing him along. If he want to take 20 minutes to get into the car - ok, no problem.
So - do you think that trying to juggle work, kids, marriage and all the stresses that come with those things is too much? (I did)
Maybe when my son is older - then I will go back to work and it might be easier because he will be more self-sufficient? Who knows? All I know is that for now, I am enjoying being a SAHM and am glad for the time I get to devote to my son and the lower stress levels (that I believe were very unhealthy for me).
josee

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I actually had a very similar situation to this happen. My DD was just being a brat at the store. Over and over again. I told her one last time that if she continued we would leave. She was about 2.5 years old. She pushed one more time. I took my groceries over to a clerk, asked him to put the items away. We left. The next three days when she asked for juice, I reminded her that the juice was at the store and since we couldn't finish the shopping because of her behaivor she was just going to have to have water. Same with milk. Also with bannanas.
I did sneak out later that night and buy all the stuff I needed for cooking and soda for my DH and me.
Let me tell you, I have since to have a difficult time shopping with her. In fact now she holds the side of the cart and is a "big helper" picking out the milk, eggs and anything else I let her.
There are always ways to handle and yep sometimes "I said so and that's it" is one of them.
I'm not sure of that. When DD was about 2.5 we were having a little trobuble with biting at school (three reports in two weeks). I told her one more time and she would lose her pirate toys (which at the time were the preferred toys) for 5 days and I could not receive a report in those five days or else the five days would start all over again.
Well I received the report. When we got home, she had to go get the pirate toys and hand them over to me. I bagged them up and put them at the top of the cabinets. We then went and made a five day calendar. On the way to school DH would talk about the "deal". On the way home, I would remind her how many days left without a report. When we got home, we marked the day off the calendar. She would ask to see the toys, I would open the cabinet and remind her what she had to do to get them back.
We made it the five days without a report. Had a big "cermony" in which her toys were returned. We have never had a biting incident again. And to this day, she likes to hear the five day story (it has become lore in this house). And she handled all of this successfully st 2.5 years old.
What I was asking is why you said we are sacrificing those "years". As if those years don't exist for us because we work. That is nonsense. Just because I have less time at home doesn't mean I sacrificed those years. There's a big difference between less and none. Your post made it sound all or nothing. You either have those years or you sacrificed those years.
Actually, since we tend to remember the unusual, having those 50 extra hours a week (actually less because I assume your baby took naps) probably doesn't result in more memories. When I think back on my own childhood, I remember very little of my day to day home life. What I remember are special trips, the starts of new school years, the day we got our pool, going camping, being out on the boat, etc, etc, etc... We tend to not pay much attention to what is there all the time. So, it can be said that working makes time at home more special because there is now less of it so we appreciate it more.
When it comes to my kids, I'd be willing to bet I have just as many memories as you. I don't know what your financial situation is but mine is such that we'd be on a shoestring if I did SAH. That would result in not being able to afford things like vacations, short trips, dance and gymnastics, craft supplies...which are the things my kids will remember.
When you think about it, even working full time, we still have a lot of time at home. I don't spend anywhere near even half of my time working. Most of the time, I'm home doing the things I'd be doing if I were a SAHM. The trick is to look at what you have not what you don't have.
I get two whole days home with my kids every week. During the week, I have the afternoon/evenings to spend with them. I didn't do things like play dates because my kids had those at day care all day. Once we got home, we usually stayed there unless we went for a walk or something like that. We had a chunk of time every day that we could use as we wanted. Personally, I fail to see why having all day to do what you want would be better. I appreciate my time off because I work. I can see myself taking the time for granted if I didn't.
When you look at what I missed, it was really just more of what I had. 40 hours a week is less than 25% of the time I have in a week. If time were an issue, I'd be far more worried about the 33% of the time I sleep and the 45% of the time my kids slept.
Just because our lives are structured differently because I work doesn't mean I sacrificed my children's early years any more than it means your husband sacrificed their early years because he worked.
Edited 6/18/2006 8:13 am ET by kbmammm
I guess it does depend on the kid. My DD is just naturally cautious. Last summer at a James Taylor concert (she would have been 2 almost 3) I tried to get her to roll down a hill like the other kids were doing. She said no becuase there could be a rock in the grass and she could hit her head and have to go to the hospital. All I could think was "I've given birth to a 40 year old boring women"!
I have never had problems with her running into the street or not holding mommy's hand. But I did have to explain to her that the car way down the street was parked so it was ok to cross.
I wonder if her 3 surgeries and much time spent with doctors have informed this ridiculous cautiousness.
I guess my point is that children of the past with supposedly SAHM probably got up way earlier than 7 and it had nothing to do with "work" status. I also think we have become too child centric in this day and age to the extent of not helping our children but harming them and actually preventing them from developing. And while I agree sleep is very important for development, I just don't think it is necessarily terrible if a kid has to wake up early - children for hundreds of years have and have survived.
Please note, I say this with a kid who has never had to be up earlier than 8:30, but if she did I wouldn't feel bad about it or concerned that I was hurting her in some way.
Mine is also good for loopholes (at 3). Yesterday, while at a baptism luncheon, she had her head on the table. I told her that we do not put our heads on tables. She looked at me blankly and said as dryly as possible "my head was not on the table, it was on my arm".
Once we were at a bookstore. It has toys in the kids area. She had taken 3 or 4 dolls down to play with. I told her she could not take down anymore dolls. Five minutes later she was directing a five year old to get some dolls off the wall for her. I told I said no more dolls. She replied "you said I could not take any more dolls down, I'm not, she is." Every parent there had a look of "well, she is technically right." It is maddening.
I agree. I think we cater to our kids way too much. Past generations simply did not do that.
My mother in laws children were on schedules from day one. There was a time to get up, a time to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, a time for baths and a time for bed. I'm sure my dh got up early given that 8:00 was bed time in their house.
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