Are working moms stretched too thin?
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 06-13-2006 - 2:45pm |
Do you think a mom who works full-time and has kids is stretched too thin?
I was working full-time up till November of 2005. Then I decided that it was all too much. I was exhausted and found that when I did get to spend time with my little guy (he is now 2 1/2) I was very impatient with him because I was soo tired. Also the stress of work often overflowed into my personal life (both with ds and dh).
Now that I have been home for over 6 months, I am finally starting to be more patient and am enjoying my son instead of rushing him along. If he want to take 20 minutes to get into the car - ok, no problem.
So - do you think that trying to juggle work, kids, marriage and all the stresses that come with those things is too much? (I did)
Maybe when my son is older - then I will go back to work and it might be easier because he will be more self-sufficient? Who knows? All I know is that for now, I am enjoying being a SAHM and am glad for the time I get to devote to my son and the lower stress levels (that I believe were very unhealthy for me).
josee

Pages
How wonderful that you were both able to use the 1 year's paid leave by "splitting" it. I've never heard of anyone doing that. I thought that the years maternity leave went by default to the mom. Wonderful that they recognize dad's too with paternity leave!
I'll have to ask my Aussie friends and family if its the same thing in Australia where they also get one year's leave.
Twins - that has to be a handfull!! How is it going?"
Great. They are amazing and wonderful. We feel its important to have one of us at home with them, and its working really really well. We had a full time live in nanny from age 13.5 months till 2.5 months ago....even though he was at home. But we ditched that as they are now older and its still a "handful" but he can and does amazingly well with them when its just the three of them. We are all so lucky.
Know What I Mean=kwim
Been There Done That=btdt
"What I was asking is why you said we are sacrificing those "years""
I guess I should re-phrase to say, for me its sacrificing those 50 hrs/week during those early years of my sons life. Of course the years exist, but the 50 hrs/week with my son didn't - because I was somewhere else.
"Your post made it sound all or nothing." Of course its not all or nothing, nothing in life ever is. Sorry if thats how it sounded. I hope my above statement clarifies things a bit.
"Actually, since we tend to remember the unusual, having those 50 extra hours a week (actually less because I assume your baby took naps) probably doesn't result in more memories."
Don't agree there. I remember the "routine" of my childhood. The naps, the sitting around the kitchen table while my mom made lunch and we talked, the snuggling on the couch after I woke up from my nap.....all those are very vivid and IMPORTANT memories to me and I hope they will be for my child too.
"I don't know what your financial situation is but mine is such that we'd be on a shoestring if I did SAH"
I can totally understand that. And when I was working, it had a lot to do with making money to support ourselves. I would still be working if it wasnt for the very large amount of money I made on stock options when I left my company (of which I was one of the original members). If me leaving work had meant us not being able to afford groceries, I definitively would not have left. I am not opposed to working at all, I even intend to go back when my son is in school (maybe part-time). But I am lucky enough right now to maximize the number of hours I have with him during the day and so I am trying to take advantage of that.
"Most of the time, I'm home doing the things I'd be doing if I were a SAHM. The trick is to look at what you have not what you don't have."
I don't argue with that at all. But since I am lucky enough to be able to increase the amount of time I have with ds while he is little, I am taking that opportunity. And I hated being away from him during the day. It felt like I was giving up something very important and so I made a change in my life to correct what I felt was deficient (that being my perceived lack of time with my ds)
"I appreciate my time off because I work. I can see myself taking the time for granted if I didn't."
I don't take any of the time with my son for granted. Every morning he gets up I am thankful I have that day with him. Maybe it because he was very premature and nearly died on a few occasions his first month of life (he spent 1 month in hospital). So I never take my time with him for granted even if I am home with him 7 days/week.
"When you look at what I missed, it was really just more of what I had. 40 hours a week is less than 25% of the time I have in a week. If time were an issue, I'd be far more worried about the 33% of the time I sleep and the 45% of the time my kids slept."
Understood
I'm sure it has already been answered.
kwim: Know What I Mean
btdt: Been There, Done That
Chris
The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett
"I also think we have become too child centric in this day and age to the extent of not helping our children but harming them and actually preventing them from developing"
I can see you point about people being more child centric but I don't think I agree with "to the extent of not helping our children but harming them and actually preventing them from developing".
"I say this with a kid who has never had to be up earlier than 8:30, but if she did I wouldn't feel bad about it or concerned that I was hurting her in some way."
I did have to get my son up at 5:30am and I saw negative consequences to that. He was grouchy and whinny, tired, way more tantrums, had a harder time concentrating and was not as happy as he is now. Plus he sleeps better during the night now.
Josee
Actually there has been a whole host of articles recently about how parents over involvement is resulting in children that are unable to function independently. There are many college presidents concerned with the inability of children to function independently. Employers right now are very frustrated with the lack of responsibility and immaturity of the current crop of young employees. And we are beginning to see the first wave of children who were the focus of very child centric parenting.
I think there can be a very negative effect of child centric child rearing.
>Don't agree there. I remember the "routine" of my childhood. The naps, the sitting around the kitchen table while my mom made lunch and we talked, the snuggling on the couch after I woke up from my nap.....all those are very vivid and IMPORTANT memories to me and I hope they will be for my child too. <
And that's where the differences in children come in. While there are bits and pieces of my childhood that I remember, there are large parts that I don't. I was 8 when my brother was born but for the life of me I don't remember my mom being pregnant. I do remember the igloo that my dad build out of snow when we lived in Iowa (before I was 7) but I don't remember the exact age. But then I was an oblivious child who lived in my own little world.
Chris
The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett
Sweden automatically awards the parental leave 50/50: fathers and mother each get 220 days that can be used at any time in 1/4, 1/2 or 1 day increments until the child turns 8. Each parent can officially transfer some of their leave to the other, but each parent must use at least 60 days or else that leave is lost (it cannot be taken by the other parent). There is a lot of talk about upping the amount of "required" (i.e. non-transferable) leave.
Most fathers I know (admittedly many who are married to women with similar education levels and salaries) have taken at least 3-6 months leave at some point or another, but the split is not yet really 50/50 overall. Interestingly, leave for care of sick children is statistically split nearly 50/50 between fathers and mothers.
Pages