Are working moms stretched too thin?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Are working moms stretched too thin?
1078
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 2:45pm

Do you think a mom who works full-time and has kids is stretched too thin?

I was working full-time up till November of 2005. Then I decided that it was all too much. I was exhausted and found that when I did get to spend time with my little guy (he is now 2 1/2) I was very impatient with him because I was soo tired. Also the stress of work often overflowed into my personal life (both with ds and dh).

Now that I have been home for over 6 months, I am finally starting to be more patient and am enjoying my son instead of rushing him along. If he want to take 20 minutes to get into the car - ok, no problem.

So - do you think that trying to juggle work, kids, marriage and all the stresses that come with those things is too much? (I did)

Maybe when my son is older - then I will go back to work and it might be easier because he will be more self-sufficient? Who knows? All I know is that for now, I am enjoying being a SAHM and am glad for the time I get to devote to my son and the lower stress levels (that I believe were very unhealthy for me).

josee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 7:18pm
I wasn't necessarily defending the hypothetical, I just think that we often underestimate what kids can handle and what they will understand. Many people thought I was crazy for trying out many of my discipline techniques at the age I did. My approach was, is and will always be to try it out with the bar set high and lower the bar if it doesn't work. Not start with the bar low and never know how high it can be raised.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 8:09pm

Hi,

I've been reading this post for some time now. I believe that both sides have good points - staying home vs. going to work. I completely agree that it has to do a lot with personality but I also believe the focus of this debate should be on the kids not the parents. How do the KIDS feel when they're mom and dad has to work. I absolutely believe that the kids suffer when both parents work full time. I did! My mom was totally happy working and taking care of us. But I wasn't. I was 12 at the time and I had to do a lot of cooking and cleaning. I missed out on a lot of my childhood. So the question, my friends is - what is the impact on the KIDS??

That's why I've decided to quit my VERY HIGH paying job so I can stay home and be a mother to my kids. I'm not saying it won't work out but I believe the kids who have a mom stay home are better off. They are some women who cannot - they must work to make ends meet. Well, that's a different story. It's better to provide for the kids than to leave them hungry. But, if you can afford to - why not? I will have to cut back on a lot of our luxuries but I am willing to do it for my munchkin.

Good luck to everyone, no matter what path you choose!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 8:28pm
"I was 12 at the time and I had to do a lot of cooking and cleaning." I think that had more do to with the specifics of your household than your mothers work status. There is a whole range of how much household work kids are responsible in both SAHM and WOHM households.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 8:35pm
That was just one of the many things I didn't like. I also missed having my mom around. She was always dead tired when she came home. Bottom line - I prefered having my mom stay at home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 9:50pm

>I was 12 at the time and I had to do a lot of cooking and cleaning. I missed out on a lot of my childhood. <

And I think that that was more a product of your particular family than your mom's work status. My mil had a sahm when she was growing up and she still had to the majority of housework, cooking, and taking care of her younger brother.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 11:26pm

I disagree that the kids suffer when both parents work full time, and I can give you the names of lots of friends from the age of 20 to 70 who would agree...including a 37-year old lawyer who is more pro-working mom than anyone that I know.


The children I know of working mothers became young adults who were much better at functioning in society.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 2:34am
two simple questions - how do they suffer and how are they better off?
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 6:21am

If your mom returned to work when you were 12, then by today's standards she was a sahm. It's then impossible to support why or how you were purportedly better able to function in society than others you know who had sahms. How do you attribute your learning to cook and do laundry to that part of your life where your mother worked versus when she stayed home?

<> (Then you go on to describe cooking and cleaning.) I didn't learn to cook and do laundry until away at college and probably not really until I shared my first apartment during law school. Those things can truly be learned overnight. I too attribute to having a sahm the facts that I can function in society, but I don't define cooking and doing housework as "functioning in society." My definition is broader and includes things like working, paying taxes, not being offensive to others, being able to hold a conversation with most anyone, and now caring for the needs of kids.

<>

Yes, SAH is a scary proposition. But how do you know the reason your mother returned to work followed her decision to divorce? Any sahm thinking about divorce is going to get a job first. Then divorce.

And, with someone as strong-willed and intelligent as you come across here, I'd find it very hard to believe you wouldn't have found a way to go to college.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 7:05am

"My mom SAH, and I didn't learn to cook until I was 32, and don't even get me started on my cleaning abilities."

Not learning to cook or clean had nothing to do with your mom being a SAHM. It was only about how things were done in your household.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 8:19am
wondering why you describe sah as a scary proposition - other than that initial decision to give up the second income, i can see where some might think that was a bit scary. but then if living on one income was going to so change the family financial picture as to be scary im not sure why one would opt to sah
Jennie

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