Are working moms stretched too thin?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Are working moms stretched too thin?
1078
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 2:45pm

Do you think a mom who works full-time and has kids is stretched too thin?

I was working full-time up till November of 2005. Then I decided that it was all too much. I was exhausted and found that when I did get to spend time with my little guy (he is now 2 1/2) I was very impatient with him because I was soo tired. Also the stress of work often overflowed into my personal life (both with ds and dh).

Now that I have been home for over 6 months, I am finally starting to be more patient and am enjoying my son instead of rushing him along. If he want to take 20 minutes to get into the car - ok, no problem.

So - do you think that trying to juggle work, kids, marriage and all the stresses that come with those things is too much? (I did)

Maybe when my son is older - then I will go back to work and it might be easier because he will be more self-sufficient? Who knows? All I know is that for now, I am enjoying being a SAHM and am glad for the time I get to devote to my son and the lower stress levels (that I believe were very unhealthy for me).

josee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 1:40pm

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You seem to be taking great joy in bashing those who do not agree with you.


Here are a few that I myself have gone through as a sahm: isolation, loneliness, lack of adult conversation, no break from child care, endless giving of one's self with no time for yourself, boredom, multiple money issues (including 401K, retirement savings) It's more than just losing a salary.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 1:41pm

See, this is a post where you were not hostile. You disagreed with me and stated your point. I can see where you are coming from. But I think the concept of a woman staying home to work is old fashioned. Women did spend more time doing house chores and such but that is why now we are so lucky to have the technology that allows us to spend more time with our kids. You are one to say that I don't support my facts. Instead of bashing me...why don't you share your facts???

This article below describes an increase in mothers who want to stay home.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/10/08/60minutes/main648240.shtml

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 1:44pm

Well, here is an interesting article. Since...I don't claim to know it all.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/10/08/60minutes/main648240.shtml

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 1:46pm

I'm sorry you feel that way.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 1:49pm

'Why did you prefer that and why is that a good thing?'

I liked having my mom around to help me with my homework, to talk to me some more...to listen to how my day went. Things like that.

'Why is it about what you what only?'

Because children should always come first.

'My oldest son is 10 years old and if he comes to me at 12 years old and says to me that he prefers me to be at home with him everyday instead of working, I honestly don't think that would be a good thing. I want my son to want to go to school instead of wanting to spend that time with me, every day. I want my son to want to be involved in activities instead of spending time with me every day. I want him to want to be with his friends instead of wanting to be with me every day.'

I want my kids to go to school and be involved in activities too. I just want to be there when they come home and have enough time to spend with them. I am all for working moms who have older kids in school...just as long as when you come home you put your kids first and not house chores or personal business.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 1:51pm
Ok, you've asked for more supporting facts...I've posted them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 1:53pm
Well, that's what I posted initially and everyone disagreed with me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 1:54pm

"I wanted to say that for those of you who do not believe that there are any disadvanteges to having two working parents are 100% wrong. I hope you have understood what I've been trying to say. I wanted you to agree with my point - that there are disadvantages to having two people work. "

The problem is that while you may want people to agree with your point, people may still not agree with it. And not agreeing with it doesn't mean that they are being mean or hostile.

Actually, though, I think several people said that there could be advantages or disadvantages of both having a SAHP and having two WOHPs. Every family has its own unique situation and needs, there is no way to generalize what is right or wrong.

" I'm trying to learn more about the disadvantages of having a SAHP - so please feel to share."

For my particular family, having a SAHP would mean that we could not afford trips to visit my family. It would mean my children growing up without any physical contact with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins on my side. If I gave my children the choice of me SAH with no more trips to the U.S. or me WOH with regular trips to the U.S., they'd vote for me WOH every time. Those trips are extremely important to both children and they consequently have a very close relationship with my family despite the distance.

Another disadvantage for us with regard to dd would have been her language development. We speak English and German only at home, the rest of the world around us speaks Swedish. Ds was, most unfortunately but unavoidably, put into the situation of having to learn Swedish at school when he started in kindergarten. Though he is now very fluent with no issues at all academically, he struggled with language the first year and still doesn't actually speak Swedish completely accent-free. We wanted to have dd start in a preschool/dc earlier so that she would arrive in kindergarten already fluent in Swedish. At that time in Sweden, it was only possible to have a spot for a child under the age of 5 in a preschool/dc if both parents were working or studying at least 50% of the time. Had I insisted on staying at home at the point when she was ready for preschool, it would have been detrimental to her. With me working, she was able to have 3 years of preschool/dc before starting kindergarten and was fully fluent in Swedish by that point. She speaks accent-free Swedish.

These are disadvantages that apply to our family with regard to having a SAHP. Other families would probably experience other kinds of disadvantages from having a SAHP. For our particular family, there are no disadvantages to having both WOH. We seem to get the housework done in a timely fashion, we both have plenty of time with the kids and the kids have plenty of down time at home as well as plenty of time for homework, activities, piano practice and afternoons hanging out with friends. Both ds and dd thrived in dc and loved going there and now thrive in afterschool care and love being there. I can completely understand, however, that there might be huge disadvantages for other families with 2 WOHPs. I can see that this wouldn't work at all, for example, for my brother's family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 2:02pm

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Asking you questions or questioning your opinion is not hostile, it's debate.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 2:03pm

"I am all for working moms who have older kids in school...just as long as when you come home you put your kids first and not house chores or personal business."

The funny thing about having somewhat older kids (mine are now 11 and 7) is that I find I have a lot more time on my hands when I am home with them than I use to. They don't really want me hanging out with them every second they are home. Dd will actually politely but firmly tell me to leave her room because she likes to work on her projects in private and will only let me see them when they are finished (and she is very proud of them :-)). Ds loves to read and I don't really see how I can be interacting with him constantly and let him read simultaneously. Kids really do grow away from needing parents there every second.

I knew this mentally, but I didn't really fully grasp what it meant until it started happening.

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