To me, it was a best of both worlds decision - she got to practice staying home alone in short, easily parent accessible periods, and I was spared listening to her complain about being in the rink. Or perhaps she liked staying at home because she was spared listening to *me* complain about sitting on those cement benches at the freezing rink....
Frankly, I think it is normal and healthy for a child to beg for a little independance. My job as a parent is to decide when it should be granted.
Right, thankyou for proving my point! Iam more aware, many parent's now, are more aware, then they were a DECADE ago. That is why many parent's will not allow a ten year old to be home alone and a 12 year old to babysit. Because the reality of it is if you research, it is suggested that children under 13 are not mature enough to be left alone.
How about the kid really would prefer to stay home, and the parent realizes the kid is mature enough to be allowed to do so? In that case, why not respect the child's development instead of insisting that the kid come along to the silly store? I think an important part of being a parent is being responsive to your kids. They are constantly learning and maturing. Why not honor that?
>>>The more independent a child is, the more trouble they get into as they get older.<<<
And there in lies evidence of your anxiousiousness. I anticipate my child getting in trouble. In fact I hope for it. I want her to get in trouble, figure out houw to get out of trouble, learn to deal with the consequence and learn how not to get in trouble again. In my opinion, not letting that happen at natural ages leads to kids who are stunned emotionally and socially and act the fool (with greater consequneces) the first time they actually have freedom and/or end up back at home after college.
"No, I think they are being cautious and care about their children. The more independent a child is, the more trouble they get into as they get older."
Wow! How on earth did you get to that conclusion? I grew up in a society where independence in kids is highly valued. As a result kids are taught to deal with all manner of situations and are expected to make good choices. Danish kids do not seem to get in any worse trouble than kids generally. In fact, Denmark has one of the lowest rates of teen pregnancy, for example, in the developed world.
Now, I have a 14yo myself, who is extremely independent, both in personality and in terms of what I allow her to do. Giving a child permission to do something also means that you, as the parent, are responsible for teaching the child how to do whatever it is. It means that you are free to attach limits and conditions to your permission, and I find that my dd, for example, has taken it for granted for a long time already that her relative freedom and independence relies on her making good decisions. She is the sort of kid other parents want their kids to be friends with. Her friends are really nice, smart kids. She is responsible and reliable, does her school work, likes sports, art, is always busily working on some project of her own making. I am trying to understand how this is supposed to get her in trouble or how this is a bad thing. As a parent, I hope to guide a human being into a full, productive and exciting life.
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To me, it was a best of both worlds decision - she got to practice staying home alone in short, easily parent accessible periods, and I was spared listening to her complain about being in the rink. Or perhaps she liked staying at home because she was spared listening to *me* complain about sitting on those cement benches at the freezing rink....
Frankly, I think it is normal and healthy for a child to beg for a little independance. My job as a parent is to decide when it should be granted.
Carrie
Right, thankyou for proving my point! Iam more aware, many parent's now, are more aware, then they were a DECADE ago. That is why many parent's will not allow a ten year old to be home alone and a 12 year old to babysit. Because the reality of it is if you research, it is suggested that children under 13 are not mature enough to be left alone.
>>>The more independent a child is, the more trouble they get into as they get older.<<<
And there in lies evidence of your anxiousiousness. I anticipate my child getting in trouble. In fact I hope for it. I want her to get in trouble, figure out houw to get out of trouble, learn to deal with the consequence and learn how not to get in trouble again. In my opinion, not letting that happen at natural ages leads to kids who are stunned emotionally and socially and act the fool (with greater consequneces) the first time they actually have freedom and/or end up back at home after college.
Sometimes kids need a push.
Sabina
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
"No, I think they are being cautious and care about their children. The more independent a child is, the more trouble they get into as they get older."
Wow! How on earth did you get to that conclusion? I grew up in a society where independence in kids is highly valued. As a result kids are taught to deal with all manner of situations and are expected to make good choices. Danish kids do not seem to get in any worse trouble than kids generally. In fact, Denmark has one of the lowest rates of teen pregnancy, for example, in the developed world.
Now, I have a 14yo myself, who is extremely independent, both in personality and in terms of what I allow her to do. Giving a child permission to do something also means that you, as the parent, are responsible for teaching the child how to do whatever it is. It means that you are free to attach limits and conditions to your permission, and I find that my dd, for example, has taken it for granted for a long time already that her relative freedom and independence relies on her making good decisions. She is the sort of kid other parents want their kids to be friends with. Her friends are really nice, smart kids. She is responsible and reliable, does her school work, likes sports, art, is always busily working on some project of her own making. I am trying to understand how this is supposed to get her in trouble or how this is a bad thing. As a parent, I hope to guide a human being into a full, productive and exciting life.
Pages