Are you "Anxious Parents"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Are you "Anxious Parents"?
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Wed, 11-15-2006 - 8:24am

Today's MSN News features this article

Sabina

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 11:42am

Yes. Being "pushed to be an adult" used to be the norm to a very great extent. I remember going to one of those historical re-creation of a pilgrim village places and the tour guide reeled off a list of chores that would be inconcievable for the modern child. Even I, pushing for independence, was surprised to learn that 6yo girls used to be given needles and expected to mend their own clothes and boys only slightly older were given axes and told to cut firewood. These days a 6yo is barely trusted to use real scissors to cut paper.

It seems that succeeding generations have lifted the responsibilities (and also the freedoms such as "roaming the neighborhood") to a greater degree with each generation. Part of it was mandatory schooling which took kids away from the sewing/firewood chopping end of things and had them concentrate on academics. The last 150 years or so has seen that trend away from home responsibilities and towards academic responsibilities until we got to where we are now. That kids aren't entrusted with anything except the nearly crushing burden of hours of homework at ever-younger ages. They aren't supposed to use a steak knife but they're supposed to do a quantity of reading and writing that previous generations would have feared would induce blindness.

How will our grandchildren be raised? That's what I'm terribly curious about. Will the trend toward decreased freedom and responsibility in every arena except the academic continue? Will our grandchildren be expected to do algebra at 8 but forbidden to cross the street without an adult till 15? Or will the trend start to reverse with our grandchildren having freedomns that our own children were denied, perhaps because of technological innovations (I'm imagining chip implants, and I saw that possibility being burbled about excitedly in some magazine article).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 11:44am

Can't you see how hysterical you are being? Also, did you read anything I just wrote to you? The only reason you had no idea about these things is because you grew up in the US. I grew up in Europe, where terrorism was a pervasive and ever-present threat 30 years ago. Then there was a tiny lull and now it is back to being a threat again. BTW, I live in Greece, where the 70s terrorists were only caught a few years ago. So, before 9/11 my kid knew about bombs and terrorists.

The point is that I do think about it when I take the subway, for example, but I am not going to let fear rule my life to the point that I do not take the subway or forbid my child from taking it. The world has always been a dangerous place and remains so. What of it? I try to focus on all the dangers we do not have to fear anymore, but which were issues for our grandparents and perhaps even our parents. Think of all the times you, your dh or your kids might have died were it not for antibiotics, just to take a simple and everyday example. We can also rest reasonably assured that our kids will not suffer from malnutrition, will not die of diphtheria and that they will have access to a free K-12 education.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 11:53am
ITA. I have been a "Little House" fan since I was old enough to read. In one of the books, Laura's dd wrote an introduction to the material ("On Our Way Home" Laura's last diary), in which she describes being expected to stay home on her own and prepare dinner all at the tender age of 6 or 7. In the book she worte about her dh's childhood it emerges clearly that the kids pretty much worked like dogs from dawn till dusk, starting at a young age.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 11:56am

The world is not the same as when we were kids. It's a LOT safer. Children today are safer than any previous generation. Back in the day, child molesters had free reign just so long as they kept up a civilized front such as priest or teacher. They didn't have to worry about jail because nobody would believe a kid's word against theirs. Today, those who would molest are kept on the run and under constant scrutiny (such as those watchdog websites) and if they make a move, their word will NOT be believed against a child's. And if they try to grab a kid, there are Amber Alerts. Amber Alert is a fairly recent innovation that has saved some lives.

Then there are technological advances. Cell phones. Even in the hands of adults, they've made kids safer. An adult who witnesses an accident or suspects an abduction can call 911 (which also didn't used to exist) within seconds. And cell phones for teens (and of course adults) are an invaluable tool for the newbie driver-call your parents when you are in a tight spot. They may be able to rescue you from where you are stranded with your broken-down car.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 12:05pm

Oh come on! I assume you are roughly the same age as me and I certainly remember "The Day After" and always worrying about those darn Russians and that pesky little nuclear bomb. I remeber the Iran-Contra affair and the hostages. Me neighbors had bomb shelters (I always thought they were crazy but since it doubled as a tornado shelter I guess it was ok). I'm pretty sure my parents when they were kids were ducking and covering and were sure that the world was going to end what with those missles in Cuba pointed right at the eastern seaboard.

There has always been danger, and somehow humanity keeps marching along.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 12:10pm

Too old to worry about terrorists as a child. Too young to remember "duck and cover" drills. Prior to terrorists, children lived in the shadow of threatened nuclear war. How did you miss that one? It extended into the late 80's?

You walked down the street and only had a vague sense of kidnappers but personally didn't know any kid who'd been kidnapped so somehow that made those times safer???? Today's kids are unlikely to know any kid who was kidnapped either. But they will definately hear all about the kidnapping and murder that happened 300 miles from them and made the national news. THAT is what's changed. It isn't that things are more rampant now. It's that we have unprecedented access to news from everywhere which makes us factor into our fears not only the crimes that make the local paper (of which there aren't that many) but also crimes around the country. Your personal statistical databank didn't used to contain knowledge of crimes committed in small towns 3 states away. Today it does. So you think there are more crimes just because you hear about them. Previously you'd have to be an FBI officer to really have a knowledge of how many kids got kidnapped around the country annually. Today you only need Google.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 12:14pm
However, a child did have to worry about nuclear immolation. Even though that threat never materialized, it was part of the background noise of childhood from the 50's until...until 9/11 overshadowed it. I wasn't a child in the 50's, so I have to rely on my Mom's word that her childhood was marked with culturally-spread fears of nuclear war with Russia and a Communist takeover of the US which would result in her being thrown in a gulag. (Which sounds silly now, but it was part of the background paranoia of 50's childhood.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 12:16pm

I agree. I would never have been comfortable leaving my dd home alone at 10. My ds will most likely be fine with it (he'd probably be fine now, actually).

And the legality isnt an issue everywhere. There are no laws in my state as far as when children can be left alone. In fact, I've researched this before and there are only about 10 states that actually have laws about it. Primarily because, as you said, kids mature at different rates.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 12:20pm
None of those things are adult freedoms and responsibilities. They are just the surface visuals of adulthood. True freedom is being able to navigate the world without 24/7 adult supervision (parental or other). True responsibility is being expected to do some chores and not wreak havoc just because there are no adults currently watching you. A manicure means nothing adult if it's done under the watchful eye of mom/aunt/friend's mom. I didn't go get manicures at such a young age (unthinkably expensive). But I was allowed to go to the 5 and dime store to buy my own nail polish (alone) with money that I earned babysitting. Which is actually more adult than a girl getting a manicure while being stared at by mom.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 12:20pm
heck I started babysitting my brothers at 9. Not that I necessarily would do that with my own children, nor do I agree with it, but I was a very responsible kid.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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