that wasnt how things were 30 years ago for me - i dont recall every fearing my parents and i think they would be ashamed if they ever felt their kids feared them. what a horrible emotion to have towards ones parents Jennie
Music? Any clue how shocking jazz was back in the day, and what parents thought of the dances that went with it?
Entertainment? I am not sure what that means to you. Are you talking about video games? If so, my dd doesn't have any, but I am sure it would not kill her if she did.
Technology? Technology is bad? Also, imagine you were born sometime in the late 19th century. In your lifetime you would have seen the invention of electric light, railways, cars and planes. The main technological advance of our age is probably the computer. I do not see how this is bad or scary.
Road rage? Get real.
Clothing? Again, please read about what parents thought of flapper style, or what my parents' parents thought about miniskirts and Carnaby Street.
Gangs? Huge problem in the 20s and 30s.
Rave parties? This is what makes your childrens' lives scary? I have never been to a rave. I doubt my kid will ever go to one. Either way, it is not something that worries me deeply, I admit.
Security guards are mostly part of the new paranoia, and I can't comment on proms and homecomings since we do not have these traditions.
The point is that humanity remains remarkably steady in its foibles and preoccupations. Teens have always found a way to horrify their parents, a little or a lot, and parents have shaken their heads and said something like "Tsk, tsk, what is the world coming to," for countless generations. In my day (I am old), we wore Doc Martens and cut mohawks in our hair to shake up the old folks, but we all went to college and got nice jobs anyway. Life is only scary if you have not been taught how to tackle it.
You are missing the point. Nobody is trying to prove to you that your childhood friends' parents were molesters. We are simply trying to explain to you that you have absolutely no way of knowing this. When you have been molested, you rarely talk about it.
Most people will either not believe you or will not want to hear about. Often, even your own family members won't believe you. It took my mother 15 years to acknowledge, for example, that my father had behaved inappropriately with me and other young girls we knew. My father will never be prosecuted most likely, and most people who know him would never imagine that he was twisted in this way. Besides, he is simply inappropriate in the Woody Allen mold, not a rapist say, so it would be difficult to prosecute him anyway. All the same, such behavior is damaging and upsetting to the kids involved.
My BIL used to slap his toddlers. Those kids certainly feared their father. If the father raised his hand, the kids ducked. The thing is that they really were not so amazingly well behaved compared to my relatively fearless kid, and now many years later, my kid is the one who can make sound, mature decisions for herself, which is not true of her cousins.
It could be coincidence, but I think there is a link, the cousins simply have not had enough opportunities for making decisions for themselves, and any decisions they do make are made in fear of what the parents might think of them. I also see those kids as avoiding telling their parents things because they are afraid of trouble and completely unsure of what might get them into trouble. I do not want my kid to live that way, I simply do not see the point.
There is a difficult period approximately from when the child can walk till the child can communicate well, where some element of fear can be useful for keeping them out of trouble. I just don't see this problem as serious enough to warrant establishing a terror regime in the home.
BTW, BIL is also incredibly fearful of the world and for his kids, convinced that evil lurks around every corner, controlling whom the children see and know, where they go, what they do, what they watch on TV, eat and on and on and on, to the point that I get tired just being with them. Of course at this point the children are old enough (teens) to perceive that the world does not really correspond to their parents' nightmare visions, so they are confused and unsure what to think of anything.
Kids are not taught simple skills today- but it started decades ago. When I was in 3rd grade, we learned how to write a check and how to balance a check book. Of course that was in the dark ages of the late Nixon Administration. Something changed between the 1970's and the 1980's.
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Jennie
Jennie
Music? Any clue how shocking jazz was back in the day, and what parents thought of the dances that went with it?
Entertainment? I am not sure what that means to you. Are you talking about video games? If so, my dd doesn't have any, but I am sure it would not kill her if she did.
Technology? Technology is bad? Also, imagine you were born sometime in the late 19th century. In your lifetime you would have seen the invention of electric light, railways, cars and planes. The main technological advance of our age is probably the computer. I do not see how this is bad or scary.
Road rage? Get real.
Clothing? Again, please read about what parents thought of flapper style, or what my parents' parents thought about miniskirts and Carnaby Street.
Gangs? Huge problem in the 20s and 30s.
Rave parties? This is what makes your childrens' lives scary? I have never been to a rave. I doubt my kid will ever go to one. Either way, it is not something that worries me deeply, I admit.
Security guards are mostly part of the new paranoia, and I can't comment on proms and homecomings since we do not have these traditions.
The point is that humanity remains remarkably steady in its foibles and preoccupations. Teens have always found a way to horrify their parents, a little or a lot, and parents have shaken their heads and said something like "Tsk, tsk, what is the world coming to," for countless generations. In my day (I am old), we wore Doc Martens and cut mohawks in our hair to shake up the old folks, but we all went to college and got nice jobs anyway. Life is only scary if you have not been taught how to tackle it.
You are missing the point. Nobody is trying to prove to you that your childhood friends' parents were molesters. We are simply trying to explain to you that you have absolutely no way of knowing this. When you have been molested, you rarely talk about it.
Most people will either not believe you or will not want to hear about. Often, even your own family members won't believe you. It took my mother 15 years to acknowledge, for example, that my father had behaved inappropriately with me and other young girls we knew. My father will never be prosecuted most likely, and most people who know him would never imagine that he was twisted in this way. Besides, he is simply inappropriate in the Woody Allen mold, not a rapist say, so it would be difficult to prosecute him anyway. All the same, such behavior is damaging and upsetting to the kids involved.
My BIL used to slap his toddlers. Those kids certainly feared their father. If the father raised his hand, the kids ducked. The thing is that they really were not so amazingly well behaved compared to my relatively fearless kid, and now many years later, my kid is the one who can make sound, mature decisions for herself, which is not true of her cousins.
It could be coincidence, but I think there is a link, the cousins simply have not had enough opportunities for making decisions for themselves, and any decisions they do make are made in fear of what the parents might think of them. I also see those kids as avoiding telling their parents things because they are afraid of trouble and completely unsure of what might get them into trouble. I do not want my kid to live that way, I simply do not see the point.
There is a difficult period approximately from when the child can walk till the child can communicate well, where some element of fear can be useful for keeping them out of trouble. I just don't see this problem as serious enough to warrant establishing a terror regime in the home.
BTW, BIL is also incredibly fearful of the world and for his kids, convinced that evil lurks around every corner, controlling whom the children see and know, where they go, what they do, what they watch on TV, eat and on and on and on, to the point that I get tired just being with them. Of course at this point the children are old enough (teens) to perceive that the world does not really correspond to their parents' nightmare visions, so they are confused and unsure what to think of anything.
Edited 11/19/2006 6:30 am ET by texigan-again
Are you saying that a 12 year old is too young to baby sit because of the threat of internet predators? If so, why?
And they aren't a "new" threat, they are the same people who preyed before, they just have a new angle.
Sabina
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
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