Asking for occassional help

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Asking for occassional help
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Thu, 07-10-2003 - 7:08am
Do you ask other moms/parents for help with childcare when you need it? Due to this board, I am now terrified of asking a SAHM to help me when I need a babysitter for a short time. Don't want to impose on her due to my work schedule! But the day before, I had to be in Boston in the early morning, so I asked a fellow WAHD to drive DS to the bus stop for camp. He was pleased to do so and of course, I told him I would return the favor. And I noticed this year a WOHM at the school asked another WOHM to help her out when her DH was traveling.

So it made me wonder, if you ask for help, do you choose someone in the same "camp" as you or does it not make a difference?

outside_the_box_mom

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Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 7:32am
Yes, I do. And they ask me as well. I help out SAHMs and WOHMs and visa versa. It doesn't make a difference to us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 7:58am
Honestly, I'm afraid to ask anyone to help with child care, no matter who they are. I will occasionally ask my mom or sister, or our friend who's Joel's coach if I'm REALLY desperate....but only after working thru a major panic attack. I don't mind watching other people's kids occasionally but asking other people for help has always been a problem for me. I'm not sure if the board has contributed to that or not.

The only SAHM I currently know is someone who I would not leave my child with for even a minute, so at this point if I worked up the nerve to ask someone, I definitely would have to stick with my own "camp".


Edited 7/10/2003 8:01:41 AM ET by lauren1063


Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 8:32am
I will usually ask my friends, regardless of work status. Most of the time I have a short term crisis it is related to needing to be somewhere before school starts. It is easy to bring my youngest to preschool early and pay a small extra charge if needed, but ES is different. If I am in a bind I will usually ask a neighbor who is taking their kids to school if mine can stay with them. Work status doesn't come into play.

I wouldn't be terrified to ask someone who is a SAHM for occaisional help with childcare, if you are friendly with them. I never mind helping out another mother who is in a pinch. If it got to be a regular thing I would say no, but all of us need help from our friends at some point.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 8:41am
My kids are so young, this hasn't come up yet for us. I'm curious to see the responses though.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 8:53am
I've asked my friends for help, and occasionally they have been SAHMs. I also offer help, frequently, particularly for things like evenings and weekends, or picking up milk/bread/eggs/dry cleaning on my way home from work. I've only ever had one person make a point of stating outright she would never be available to watch my child (even though she was a SAHM), but since I had never asked her to do so (and wouldn't have done so had I been paid to ask, because she was horrible around children), it was easy to smile and tell her, "Thanks for telling me."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 9:52am
My friends are pretty mixed in the WOH/SAH camp and there are a few of us that don't think twice about asking - others I don't have that relationship with. We also have children of all ages, the neighbor across the street has older children and will run over if I need to get out and pick something up and the baby is asleep or her older dd has done the mother's helper thing for me; but when they need help proofreading/typing college applications, scholarship essays or formatting invitations - they knock on my door. There are similar situations all over in my life. I don't keep a scorecard of favors and I tend to build relationships with like minded people. My mom and mil is a WOHM and they help out. My mom even was properly offended when my dad (of all people) told me that since I quit my job I am on permanent vacation. (ooh do we have another new topic? ;-))

In of the women's mags features a habitat for humanity family each month, this month the woman they profiled said "I have to do it FOR myself, but I don't have to do it BY myself" - I totally agree with that sentiment and I think that our family's life is the richer for it.

SUS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 10:01am
When I am in a lurch, I usually ask one SAHM friend. She has 3 of her own and does not mind another one. I try to help her as much as possible too. I have offered to watch her children while she goes to the doctor (I work until 2) or watch them on the weekend so they can get some alone time. I also have a retired friend that will watch my eldest sometimes.

I generally do not ask my WOHM friends because I need care for the toddler and they are not always availabe. They are usually working. I have tried to find some friends that would babysit once a month so DH and I can go out and then we would do the same for them. So far, no takers.

K

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

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Avatar for biancamami
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 10:03am
My DH isn't comfortable leaving our DD with anyone except family members or our Nanny. Between my SIL, MIL, and other assorted cousins we pretty much have our bases covered.

We do ask friends to babysit at night on rare occassions if we want to go to a movie. Their work status does not affect our decision...it has to be someone our DD trusts and has spent time with her. That's the only criteria.

Ana
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 10:08am
This summer, my SAH friends husband usually picks up my kids from summer camp because that is the night I work until 6pm, and their school closes at 5:30. However, the rest of the time, I get off at 4pm...lol...go figure. Anyway, on Mondays this summer, her husband has picked up my kids on his way home from work (he has to drive right by the school), then they get time to play with my friends 4 kids, and they all have dinner together. When I get there, she has a plate ready for ME even! lol Then we hang out until we need to get home for baths and bedtime. We have actually enjoyed the time together as friends.

Now, I also do whatever she needs me to with her kids. During the school year, I would pick up her youngest DD (the only one who went to private school with my kids) with my kids and then head to her house to meet the bus with some or all of her older 3 kids if she or one of the girls had a dr appointment or something. I also kept her 4 girls for a week while she went to see her husband graduate from a military school. Now she is going to watch my kids for a week while I'm out of state at a work thing.

The only thing that bothered me as a SAHM was people who took advantage of me because I MUST have infinite time, with no appreciation.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 10:33am
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You REALLY need to stop reading this board.

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