attachment parenting

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
attachment parenting
1781
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 3:17pm

A woman I know (I used to work with her dh) practices "attachment parenting". Here is a definition (for those who don't know what it is):

"Attachment Parenting includes respecting your child's needs, feeding on demand, and answering your baby's cries. Other parts of Attachment Parenting include co-sleeping, nursing on demand, sling or other baby carrier wearing, and cloth diapering. Not all Attachment Parents practice all of the above, but never the less love the idea of Attachment Parenting and comforting their children.

Attachment parenting uses mild discipline methods and avoids all physical or emotional punishment, such as inflicting shame on a child for inappropriate behavior. Children are encouraged and allowed to sleep with their parents, and you treat your bed as the family bed. Meeting your child's needs according to the child's time frame during the early years of development is an essential part of attachment parenting. Children will be allowed to grow and learn at their own pace and not according to standard time frames."

What do you all think of attachment parenting?

I don't see attachment parenting as something a WOH parent could do, or could they? What do u think?

I am also curious to see if SAHPs vs/ WOHPs will have different opionions on this topic.

If anyone here practices attachment parenting - was your decision to do so closely linked with your decision to be a SAHP?

josee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 12:20pm
I dunno, seems to me that all through history and cross-culturally, women have nursed children for comfort. And yet, obesity as an epidemic is a modern phenomenon. I have a hard time believing that the cause of people automatically reaching for food for comfort is because they got TOO much breastfeeding time as infants. In fact, if pressed, I guess I'd posit exactly the opposite -- chidren who are nursed until they no longer need or want it are less likely to develop oral fixations or to use food for comfort than children who were artificially deprived of the breast and/or sucking comfort when they were smaller. I don't have any studies to back that up other than the general psychological principle that needs that aren't met but suppressed in children are quite likely to resurface in undesirable ways later in life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 12:20pm
I knew, when I was awake, what my son's hungry signs were. Very early on he rooted, though I didn't breastfeed, later he would stick his fingers in his mouth, or start pursing his lips. Please tell me how it is possible for a mother who does not co-sleep, whose child sleeps in another room, to see the early signs of hunger while it is night time, other than hearing his whimpers from the monitor? You seem to be skipping around on posts, and not reading things I have already posted, otherwise you would have read almost this exact same thing many times, as I have posted it many times. So, before you "speak for yourself", be sure to read all the posts. I, speaking for MY SELF, do not see it as bad parenting that I would know one cry from another that comes from my child.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 12:21pm
How can one learn to be motivated and independent when totally controlled and put on strict schedules at home?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 12:26pm
I think you have a good point there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 12:31pm
There are risks to every decission we make in our child's lives. I'm sorry, but it was not detrimental to my son to be forumla fed, I don't care what the "experts" say. I'm sure if it was THAT risky, my pediatrician would have done all he could to get me to breast feed. Maybe one thing that really tuned me off of breastfeeding was the nurse in the hospital that practically tried to shove my breat in my son's mouth, despite me telling her many, many times that I would not breastfeed. She wouldn't get off how much closer my son and I would be ifI breastfed, and how I would regeret it if I didn't. I am a young, single mom. I was 20 when I had my son, and that's all the nurse could see. She did not pay attention to how I was towards my son, she did not know the instant unconditional love I felt for him, she was not there over night to see that I would not let him out of my sight. I actually had one nurse threaten o take him to the nursery if she came back and I was still holding him and not sleeping (I loved that nurse). Anyway, my point here is, that basically REALLY turned ME off of breastfeeding, not turned me off to the thought of other women breastfeeding, but turned me off to the thought of myself breastfeeding. Strange, I know, but I'm of the stubborn sort. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 12:42pm
I wouldn't say I'm proud that I know his hunger cry, but I'm certainly not ashamed of it. I am happy that when cried in the middle if the night from his room on the other side of the house that was able to wake up and get him (which stopped his cries), then go into the kithcen with him and make a bottle for him. He knew when he was picked up that he was about to eat, so the crying stopped, the bottle was made, and he was fed. Ya'll seem to be thinking that I laid in bed for 20 minutes listening to him wail franticly before I would FINALLY get up and feed him, that's not the case.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 12:43pm
I'm sorry, but I have NEVER, EVER met a mother who has not heard their baby cry, at least once, out of hunger. It floors me to think that there is a mother out there who is so perfect that she caught on every single time her baby was hungry, and she was right there next to them every single time they were hungry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 12:45pm
I don't feel that my son ever worked himself into a crying fit of hunger, he would cry almost immediately when he was hungry, maybe a little whimpering before hand, but it never got into an outright wail.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 1:03pm
and i agree with that for infants and even toddlers, but i dont want my 3 year old, my 7 year old or my 15 year old, looking to food, of any kind to find comfort. everytime my 3 year old falls down i could give him a cookies and it would give him comfort and he would feel better, but it is not what i choose to do, i prefer the hugs and kisses. i am certainly not an expert on history or psychology, but i have known enough people who when they get upset will sit down and eat a gallon of ice cream or a bag of oreos because they find comfort in food, and each of them are if not obese more overweight than would be desirable - but because food gives them such a feeling of comfort it is a hard habit for them to break
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 1:05pm
for us it is not the food but the being together and sharing our lives that brings the comfort. i could serve a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a seven course meal as long as we are together no one really cares
Jennie

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