attachment parenting

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
attachment parenting
1781
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 3:17pm

A woman I know (I used to work with her dh) practices "attachment parenting". Here is a definition (for those who don't know what it is):

"Attachment Parenting includes respecting your child's needs, feeding on demand, and answering your baby's cries. Other parts of Attachment Parenting include co-sleeping, nursing on demand, sling or other baby carrier wearing, and cloth diapering. Not all Attachment Parents practice all of the above, but never the less love the idea of Attachment Parenting and comforting their children.

Attachment parenting uses mild discipline methods and avoids all physical or emotional punishment, such as inflicting shame on a child for inappropriate behavior. Children are encouraged and allowed to sleep with their parents, and you treat your bed as the family bed. Meeting your child's needs according to the child's time frame during the early years of development is an essential part of attachment parenting. Children will be allowed to grow and learn at their own pace and not according to standard time frames."

What do you all think of attachment parenting?

I don't see attachment parenting as something a WOH parent could do, or could they? What do u think?

I am also curious to see if SAHPs vs/ WOHPs will have different opionions on this topic.

If anyone here practices attachment parenting - was your decision to do so closely linked with your decision to be a SAHP?

josee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 3:58pm
They do but until a certain age I believe. If cuddling works then why not do that instead of associating it with food all the time. I know that when I b/f they like it for the nurture aspect too but I didn't do it until they were 4 yrs old. My daughter will still curl up (she is 3) in a position we b/f in but doesn't go to the breast just likes that comfort feeling. Cuddling works for her and me:) and I am not showing her that food is a way of comfort so in the future she won't go to food for comfort but talk about her feelings and get a hug....
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 3:58pm
I don't think that it's either sad or unusual that a child would focus on the very tangible things like food or ritual when it comes to a holiday. Young children aren't all that into abstract thinking and are particularly comforted by ritual....which is why if you read three stories to a two year old on Monday before bed, ya better have three books with you on Tuesday if you expect any peace in the house. To a young child, holidays are understood as what we DO on them...on Halloween, we get dressed up and go trick or treating. On Thanksgiving, we read stories about the pilgrims and we eat turkey and dressing and pumpkin pie. It's when they are older they understand Samhein or All Hallow's Eve or whaterver and can really articulate the idea of gratitude.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 4:03pm

No, it is not mandatory. Formula is not "good" for a baby. It is a good alternative but not even remotely close to bm. SO, to say that not ff'ng is not detrimental to a baby is wrong.

But, it is a choice and no one should attack or judge someone for that choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 4:04pm
Nobody has suggested that nursing ought to be the only means of comforting a child. It is one of many tools some mothers use. Just cuddling is another, and it usually supplants nursing entirely at some point. Nobody has shown ANY link whatsoever between children who nurse for comfort into toddlerhood and obesity or even continuing to use food for comfort once the nursing need has been satisfied. It's all just imaginary at this point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 4:06pm
Why must you insert a word like "all" and distort things. Lois and others have said more than once that while food is important, it isn't important to the exclusion of other things. Food isn't "all" that makes a holiday, but it is part of the picture.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 4:08pm
Did she learn to associate food with comfort through extended nursing? Is there any evidence that ANYBODY has learned to associate food with comfort because of extended nursing?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 4:15pm
Since bf'ng decreases the risk of childhood obesity, I am not worried about how I bf'ed my girls.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 4:15pm

How exact did I distort things? Look at what you said:

<<>>

He was COMPLETELY isolated? ALL the kids? So I will wait for you to let me know where I distorted anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 4:16pm
I don't know. But I can tell you that it seems logical that someone that tries their best to comfort a scared child and it doesn't work then starts nursing and that does, tells me that the child has been taught that nursing is how to be comforted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 4:23pm
Nursing, yes. Young children are comforted by the familiar. The oxytocin in breastmilk is a natural tranquilizer. When a child is very upset, doing something that has brought comfort in the past might help him or her calm down. And then the oxytocin kicks in for a further boost toward calming. There is no inexorable logical leap between breastfeeding for calming to chocolate cookie for calming. That would substitute food for the nurturing -- cuddling, calming, rocking ritual. It would substitute food for human companionship and nurturing. I know lots of kids who don't nurse at ages 3, 4, or 5, but still have a need to suck -- they use their thumbs. And that often goes well beyond the time even the most extended nursers are still nursing. It seems like in a lot of cases, eating cookies and sucking thumbs are just examples of displaced needs.

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