The bait and switch

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
The bait and switch
72
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 8:18am

About a year ago I was at a party and a husband said his wife pulled "the bait and switch". (She was there and nodded.) He was referring to the job she had premarriage to her stay at home status now that all the kids were in school. I guess there was some agreement when they got married that she would work, then she decided not to but he did not agree with this change, then an agreement she would work when all the kids were in school but she was not trying to get a job and the youngest was in 2nd grade. I was very uncomfortable with the conversation and did an "exit stage left".

Over the past year my husband and

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 3:13pm

The problem with different retirement dates is that people may not want to stay in the same area after they retire.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 3:19pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 3:26pm
But what if the husband refuses to any kind of childcare or housework and the wife seriously doubts that it will change if she returns to work? I can think of reasons that a woman might change her mind about the practicality of returning to work after her children are all in school. I agree with the posters who think that this really a private matter between husband and wife. Reasonable do change their minds about things like this, but it's really no one's business but their own. To be honest, if it was my husband who was talking like that about me at a dinner party, I'd be looking for a job, so I could leave him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 3:28pm
I've heard women use that kind of terminology though when talking about their husbands in other areas. Like "My husband was sooo romantic when we were dating. He bought me flowers all the time, and we had nice dinners out all the time. Now he just comes home and watches TV all the time and won't talk to me about anything. What a bait and switch."
Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 3:49pm
Ok, But when I think of compromise (and the choice to WOH or SAH is there) I think of other things: agreeing that she would still pick up kids from school; other tasks and duties that would fall on his shoulders too if she returned to work...... How willing was he to step up to the plate and share the load there?

As far as the number of times you're hearing this all, What prompts these kinds of exchanges.. They're not just pulled from thin air are they?

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 3:50pm

They may have been joking and the other's weren't . . . but calling it bait and switch is saying the wife did it intentionally and is calling her a liar.

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 4:09pm
These were exactly my thoughts, Would the DH pitch in after she returned to work...... And I do think when the choice to SAH or WOH is there a couple is likely to modify arrangements together and willingly than if the choice is not there.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 4:11pm
That's the kind of joking around my parents do. They tend to pick on each other, and if you don't know that that's how they are, I imagine you might think they have a real disagreement about something that they really do agree about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2011
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 10:04am

Early in my marriage I stated that I would love for my wife to be a SAHM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 10:42am

I can see how a woman could change her mind after she has kids.

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