The bait and switch

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
The bait and switch
72
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 8:18am

About a year ago I was at a party and a husband said his wife pulled "the bait and switch". (She was there and nodded.) He was referring to the job she had premarriage to her stay at home status now that all the kids were in school. I guess there was some agreement when they got married that she would work, then she decided not to but he did not agree with this change, then an agreement she would work when all the kids were in school but she was not trying to get a job and the youngest was in 2nd grade. I was very uncomfortable with the conversation and did an "exit stage left".

Over the past year my husband and

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Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 10:56am
I agree. My dh and I planned that I would sah for the first year after our dd was born, and I ended up sah for 6 years. I never envisioned myself wanting to sah that long (and in my 20s, I would have said I would never sah at all). I'm glad I had the option, but it was something my dh supported too. If he's been opposed to it, or if we couldn't afford it, I wouldn't have done it. I think it's a decision that needs to be mutually agreed on in order to work, whether kids are in school or not. OTOH. having a sahp makes life easier on the wohp, and if the wohp wants the sahp to woh, he'd better be prepared to pick up his share of the slack. If the dh expects the dw to work ft and do everything she was doing before, he shouldn't complain about "bait and switch."
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 10:58am

I am not sure if it is the area I live in but not all the SAH moms I know

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 11:04am

I would be really, really, really angry if my H did that. Really!

Right now we have an agreement (I make more money and he has an altruistic job) that I will retire and he will make more money and I will get my chance to change the world. It may not work due to life but if he just said - Nah - I am quitting - you have to keep your job to pay for college - I would be pissed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 3:18pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 6:30pm
Does your wife know how you feel.. And did you not have three kids together? What plans have you made to step up to the plate and help if she returns to work.. Are you prepared for childcare? I think there are many self centerd working parents too.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 6:38pm
For me, it was just the opposite. I was never career driven and I had these dreams of being a SAHM just like my own mother was, DH supported/s that 100%. But when my first child was born I was a little dismayed and confused, I spent plenty a day going, Is this all SAH is.... So I returned to work but I felt just as bad, It was then I really knew I wanted to be home. If I ever thought my staying home meant depriving my kids of anything I would never be in this place. Over time and because we've moved many times to further my husband's career I know this is my place too. To each their own, I can't imagine a married couple being on two total opposite ends about the issue though.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 8:39pm

What I'm reading is that you changed your mind; the bait and switch is you, not your wife.

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Sat, 03-03-2012 - 10:43am
emptynester2009 wrote:

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2011
Sat, 03-03-2012 - 1:57pm

I am not sure if it is the area I live in but not all the SAH moms I know

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Sat, 03-03-2012 - 2:25pm

"Amen to that!

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