The bait and switch

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
The bait and switch
72
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 8:18am

About a year ago I was at a party and a husband said his wife pulled "the bait and switch". (She was there and nodded.) He was referring to the job she had premarriage to her stay at home status now that all the kids were in school. I guess there was some agreement when they got married that she would work, then she decided not to but he did not agree with this change, then an agreement she would work when all the kids were in school but she was not trying to get a job and the youngest was in 2nd grade. I was very uncomfortable with the conversation and did an "exit stage left".

Over the past year my husband and

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 8:30pm

It is rude for the husband to say that but you're looking at a couple who does not respect each others opinion so what do you expect?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 8:26pm

Shhhh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 8:25pm

It's only a bait and switch if you have an agreement going in and decide to change the rules without your partner's consent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 10:14am

"How would a wife like it if her husband just deciced he was going to stay home with the

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 8:52am

My (then fiance, now husband) and I did disuss SAH/WOH before we got married but it wasn't discussed in a set in stone way or that we couldn't change our minds about like what the bait and switch sounded like here.. What's nice is having the choice to decide and the reasons for SAH have taken he and I both back to those reasons why we wanted a SAHP before we got married too.....

But everybody's different, And I agree with your thoughts here.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 5:42am
Long time no see, CLW.

************

Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 5:26am

The problem is this isn't only your decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Sat, 03-17-2012 - 12:04am
We never really talked about it, other than knowing that we wanted family to be with the kids. I worked 20 hours a week when my oldest was born. My husband, a grad student, flexed his lab time to be home with my daughter when I wasn't there. When my son was born, I reduced to 10 hours. When #3 came along we were in another state and I was working remotely. I felt I wasn't doing what was needed for the job at that point and quit. Just because of the taxes, I think my husband was happy that he no longer had to figure taxes for two states.

Now, we have a special needs son. I home school. Which my husband is very happy with. He hated school, because he was very smart. I see that if I worked I would have had endless meetings at the school that I would have been called from work for. My husband, as the now main provider (I made more than him when he was a student) would not be able to leave his job for these meetings at the school. For us, it works. We agree about money most of the time. I pay the bills, he does the taxes. When I think about other boyfriends I had, I know I am lucky to be with my husband because we do think alike when it comes to money and children.

The situation in the first post...I would leave. Sorry, none of my business - don't air your laundry with me.
Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 5:35pm

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-09-2012 - 1:56pm
It's sort of bait & switch on his part, imo. They both agreed on initially having a sahm, and she said all along that she would go back to work when the kids were in school. She's actually working pt now, so she went back sooner than she agreed to, but wants to quit until the 3d kid goes to school. Now he's interpreting that to mean that she won't want to work when the kids are all in school, either. It sounds to me like he's changed his mind about her sah until the kids are all in school.

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