you're right, it does get under my skin a little and no, i do not think it's entirely about luck.
What is HTWOH?
I can see that. Are they generally complainers and does it sound like complaining? Like, "we are stuck having all these bills and expenses" even though all those bills and expenses are what they choose?
I can see a difference too in being stuck with a big house payment when you want to be and stuck with a big house payment when you don't want to be. If you want that big house payment, you'll have that big house payment no matter what is going on. You want it, so you'll never seek to change it, you aren't really stuck you are actually in control of that choice and will remain where you are because you don't want to be somewhere else. My sister is like Andrea though, she has a big house payment and really truly doesn't want it, but she can't sell her house right now because of the market. So when she complains (only a little bit because she also recognizes she at one time did want that house payment) she also recognizes that at some point the market will change or circumstances will change and she'll be able to get a smaller house more suitable to her budget. Meaning she is, like others mentioned earlier, only temporarily stuck.
Complaining when you are getting what you want could rub others the wrong way pretty easily. It'd be like a WOH who wants to be WOH and would never choose to SAH saying, "Isn't it so awful that I am stuck WOH!" That they WOH would never change, so they aren't stuck with it, if circumstances changed they'd still want it and choose it, and their situation is not awful because they want to WOH. That's very different than someone being stuck WOH because of circumstances they really can't change or bad luck, when if the circumstances or luck changed they would take the opportunity to make additional financial sacrifices and SAH.
I would say that when I was stuck WOH even though I would rather SAH, I didn't complain. I accepted my situation was what it was and that I was making the responsible choice and that there were many benefits personally to making the responsible choice. I might have thought "It must be nice to SAH" in my head, but I wouldn't have gone around saying it, and certainly not to SAHMs who had worked hard to be able to SAH.
This is true.