Being "stuck"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Being "stuck"
87
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 6:08pm
Do you think there's such a thing as being "stuck" in your SAH/WOH circumstances?

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Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 2:55am
Not Harmony, but I think that if you are truly stuck in a situation and keep trying to look for ways out of it, you tend to end up looking for magic fixes and being unhappy. OTOH, if you simply accept the situation, including your own displeasure with it, it is easier to move on and sometimes also easier to get to a better place.

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Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness.
– George Orwell
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 6:16am

you're right, it does get under my skin a little and no, i do not think it's entirely about luck.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 7:27am

What is HTWOH?

I can see that. Are they generally complainers and does it sound like complaining? Like, "we are stuck having all these bills and expenses" even though all those bills and expenses are what they choose?

I can see a difference too in being stuck with a big house payment when you want to be and stuck with a big house payment when you don't want to be. If you want that big house payment, you'll have that big house payment no matter what is going on. You want it, so you'll never seek to change it, you aren't really stuck you are actually in control of that choice and will remain where you are because you don't want to be somewhere else. My sister is like Andrea though, she has a big house payment and really truly doesn't want it, but she can't sell her house right now because of the market. So when she complains (only a little bit because she also recognizes she at one time did want that house payment) she also recognizes that at some point the market will change or circumstances will change and she'll be able to get a smaller house more suitable to her budget. Meaning she is, like others mentioned earlier, only temporarily stuck.

Complaining when you are getting what you want could rub others the wrong way pretty easily. It'd be like a WOH who wants to be WOH and would never choose to SAH saying, "Isn't it so awful that I am stuck WOH!" That they WOH would never change, so they aren't stuck with it, if circumstances changed they'd still want it and choose it, and their situation is not awful because they want to WOH. That's very different than someone being stuck WOH because of circumstances they really can't change or bad luck, when if the circumstances or luck changed they would take the opportunity to make additional financial sacrifices and SAH.

I would say that when I was stuck WOH even though I would rather SAH, I didn't complain. I accepted my situation was what it was and that I was making the responsible choice and that there were many benefits personally to making the responsible choice. I might have thought "It must be nice to SAH" in my head, but I wouldn't have gone around saying it, and certainly not to SAHMs who had worked hard to be able to SAH.

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser."


John W. Gardner





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Avatar for mommy2amani
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 8:06am

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 8:10am
You are able to do this in large part because the man you fell in love with is able to support your family in that lifestyle without an additional income from you. Now, unless you chose your DH based on his earning potential, I'd consider that pretty lucky.





This fits for me. I am lucky to be married to a man who has a good salary to support us all, and also lucky to be married to man who is okay with the concept of me contributing zero dollars to our family budget for a period of years. The first husband I had was a 'no' on both of those, and when I was looking the second time I did seek out a man who had this ability and attitude, in addition to having the potential to be a great life partner. I was very lucky to find him.





ETA: To the first husband I said "I think I want to SAH" and he replied "Don't you dare even think about it." To the second husband I said "I think I want to SAH" and he said "Do it!"

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser."


John W. Gardner





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Edited 9/15/2010 8:12 am ET by harmony08
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

Avatar for mommy2amani
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 8:19am



Exactly!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 8:24am
Lucky because I was 19 when I married him, had known him a very short time, and the only thought in my head at the time was, "That man is hot!" Earning potential and family dynamics never entered my mind.





You are lucky!

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser."


John W. Gardner





Photobucket





Ten Rules for Being Human



Photobucket





"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 8:35am
HTWOH means "have to" WOH. I must say that I also wonder what the rest of the conversation sounds like. If I were working and perfectly happy to work, but someone expressed pity, for example, for my "missing out" on first steps or whatever, then I might respond in HTWOH terms to avoid being rude.

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Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness.
– George Orwell
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 9:04am

This is true.




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 11:58am
Hmmm, thank you Harmony, and rollmops....

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