Being "stuck"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Being "stuck"
87
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 6:08pm
Do you think there's such a thing as being "stuck" in your SAH/WOH circumstances?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 6:42pm

I think it is more than "falling in love with a man that can support a sahp". I find that a little offputting.

I know for DH and I, we decided that we would both work if we had children. (I *may* have uttered the words Never and SAH in the same sentence.) BUT, we also decided that we would save one of our salaries outright and 401k contribution of the other salary. We did that after we had children. We decided that we didn't want huge house and the mortgage payment that came with it. We bought good non flashy cars. We had friends that decided to buy bigger houses and go on fancier vacations. We saved. We are naturally non spenders. We lived in a 750 sq foot house. Then we moved to our 1800 sq ft house.

We are very lucky to have been born into families that valued educations and we were both able to graduate without loans. We were also able to get good paying jobs as a result. We were also, both ,lucky to have been born into families that taught their children good financial planning and to pay as you go.

There is quite a bit of multigenerational luck involved in our lives, but there is also some good decision making that came along too. I wouldn't boil it down to "falling in love with a man who makes a high salary" though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 8:02pm

Where the luck comes in is that both my SIL's just happened to fall in love with a man who was able to support the family entirely whereas I fell in love with a man who was not able to do that.



Does that make it clearer?



that makes a little more sense.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 10:00pm
No, you are probably more advanced. It sounds like you had a jump start, so you might end up getting over to the right list sooner. But I will tell you from the other side that changing the list brings it's own rewards; and when you get to the point you have the right list working on it is even more fulfilling than crossing things off of it.

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser."


John W. Gardner





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Ten Rules for Being Human



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 10:09pm
I wouldn't boil it down to "falling in love with a man who makes a high salary" though.





It's not the whole enchilada, but it's an ingredient if you want to SAH. And not that his salary is "high" whatever high means. Just that his salary is large enough to accommodate the lifestyle the family has decided to live at providing room for her to SAH and not earn a salary. So if the circumstances are the tortilla, and choices are the filling, luck is the chili sauce, and his salary is one ingredient of the chili sauce.

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser."


John W. Gardner





Photobucket





Ten Rules for Being Human



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 10:15pm

It's not that the husband has to make a ton of money. He does need to be able to support the family on his income though, whatever income level that is.

I agree if you have a two parent household one parent can SAH at almost any income level, however, for some lower income levels will rule out the SAH option. For those at higher income levels they are less likely to run into that problem.

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser."


John W. Gardner





Photobucket





Ten Rules for Being Human



Photobucket





"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 6:25am
i used a ton of money in reply to a post about women who met men who had high incomes.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 7:44am

I think it has to do with the money giving more options.

Family can live on one income. They have two options. They can be a WOH/SAH family or they can be a dual WOH family.

Family cannot live on one income. Their only option is to be a dual WOH family.

It is not true that all families who can live on one income have a SAHP, but it is true that only families who can live on one income have that option.

Knowing nothing about these woman I assume that they fell in love with their DH's not their income. Since the income was high enough for them to have a an option they took the option that they preferred, SAH. If the income was not enough for them to have an option then they would have WOH.

Avatar for mommy2amani
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 7:44am

Yes, I understand what you are saying, but what if the man you fell in love with was a musician, just loves to play music, happy to play on Saturday nights at a local club, and spends his days writing songs he doesn't want to share?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 8:21am
i agree with most of this.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 8:31am

It's both.

You stated:

"t's my opinion when you know SAH is something you really want for your family, you can afford yourselves that at almost any income level. assuming it doesn't deprive you or your family. "

What reads that is does depend on income.

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