Being "stuck"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Being "stuck"
87
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 6:08pm
Do you think there's such a thing as being "stuck" in your SAH/WOH circumstances?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 6:13pm

I think there is such a thing as being "temporarily stuck." That is, you know you might have to SAH for X number of years, or WOH for X number of years, but if you are not where you want to be, there is almost always a way to get out if you are willing to plan, sacrifice, and work toward the ultimate goal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 6:44pm

I do think that someone can be stuck due to circumstances but do not think it has to be a permanent situation.

I was in the situation barely making enough money to pay for childcare. That changed when all my kids were in school and I worked around their school schedule.

For the other situation the best way to get ahead financially is not to "up grade" as finances get better. If lifestyle does not change with increases in salary then with each raise the financial obligations become a smaller part of the total income.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 7:38pm
I agree.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 11:11pm
Do you think there's such a thing as being "stuck" in your SAH/WOH circumstances? For example, the SAHP who doesn't work because it would cost more in daycare than the paycheck it would bring in? Or the WOHP who works because their financial obligations (whatever they may be) would be too great for a parent to stay home?





Yes. I was stuck and had to WOH after my first child was born. I could have made different choices but I didn't realize until it was too late. Things that stuck me included: raised to value WOH and not value SAH, being the higher earning parent because I avoided vulnerability at all costs, having only one plan that required I WOH, buying a house while pg, not figuring out I wanted to SAH until the week before maternity leave ended.





We did end up selling that house when we divorced when our child was 3 years old. Couldn't SAH as a single mother either.





Or, are you of the mind that "when there's a will, there's a way"?





Sometimes where there is a will there is a way. It comes down to circumstances, choices and luck. A persons will partially affects two of those. I could have SAH the first time had I had some foresight or make some drastic, unplanned changes ignoring my ex's feelings and confronting the values my mother had instilled in me. It would have been a tall order.





The second time around I SAH in part because I had the foresight to marry someone who could support me SAH, I gave myself that option even though I had planned to WOH until after they were born (again), and also because I had gone through lot of personal growth in therapy, and was able to break out of the WOHM gender role conveyed to me throughout my childhood.





If you believe the former, why? If you believe the latter, what suggestions would you make to either party mentioned above to change their circumstances?





Suggestions are hard because everyone's situations are so different, and there's often underlying issues that are not obvious, and because there is luck involved. I guess I would say it helps to examine your beliefs and circumstances and give yourself as many options as possible even if you think you won't need them.

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser."


John W. Gardner





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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2010
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 6:26pm
She wasn't asking for advice, she posed both sides of a debate topic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 1:31am

Yawn.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 6:45am
at teh risk of osunding rude, i think this is self inflicted..yea, it is aobut where there's a will there's a way, and to the left there's, that bed you

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2010
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 10:53am

Where do I sign?



Wait, mella-what?

Kevali



Kevali


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 2:19pm

I do think that it is possible to be stuck in either an undesired WOH or SAH status.

2010 Siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 2:27pm

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2010 Siggy

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