Big Fat Lie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Big Fat Lie
870
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 1:41pm
I'm the mother of 2. I have 2 boys, one is 2 1/2, the other is 4 months old. Before I had my second baby, I was a full time nurse and was making more money than my husband. That being said, he never really had a problem with it. The extra money helped us pay for extras. Well, I decided after the second child, that I would stay at home most of the week. I work only 2 days a week, 6 hours a day. Now all of the sudden, I do EVERYTHING. He does not get up at night with this baby, he does not keep the house clean with me, NOTHING I do is important enough. (He plays softball once a week, goes out with the guys after etc.) I do not do anything. (Actually I get to go to Weight Watchers on Fridays while my mom watches the kids.) I have no life anymore, and his life is fantastic! I tried to take a class, but he wouldn't help with the kids enough so I couldn't stick with it.

When we got married we were going to share all responsibilities, take care of the kids TOGETHER, do the housework TOGETHER. It was all just a BIG FAT LIE!!!!

Pages

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 4:58pm
Is any ready for the helmet yet? Bwhahahahahaha


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 5:09pm
Why not? Hire a sitter. Find a moms morning out program. Join a nursery co-op. Mom has all day to get her me time. She just needs to take it and it is up to HER to get it not her dh to give it to her. Relying on someone else to give you what you need is dangerous. You have to take care of yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 5:10pm
Like twisting what I said? I didn't say dad shouldn't like spending time with his kids. I said that mom shouldn't be dictating when that happens based on her need to get me time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 5:12pm
Says who? You? LOL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 5:13pm
Being a child care worker is different than being a parent. Quite different. Just the fact you're working for someone else makes it different. 6 preschool aged children makes it different too. Then there's the book keeping, training, menu planning and posting, opening your home to inspections, etc, etc, etc...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 5:16pm
If you both WOH, you should be. My posts are about those who don't share equally in the wage earning, like me when I WOHPT. I worked 24 hours to dh's 40. Since this arrangement was for my benefit and dh agreed to the pay cut, I took over his half of the housework to take the sting out of the decision. That way both of us got something out of the decision. I got more time to play with my kids because I worked less and dh got more time to play with the kids because he had less housework to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 5:18pm
So you vaccuum when dh is playing with the kids when he's home. If you can't get your work done during the day, then finish it up in the evening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 5:23pm
No, it's not difficult in addition to spending time with my kids. The little bit of time keeping house takes doesn't cut into family time. As a matter of fact, around here it's part of family time. I used to shorten the vacuum handle so dd could vacuum the carpet back when we had carpet. She mised a lot but had fun helping mommy while I cleaned other things in the room. My dd's had their own mineature versions of brooms and such too. They had a blast cleaning house with mommy. Why does keeping house mean I'm not spending time with my kids? I did a lot of housework with a baby on my hip and a toddler "helping".
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 5:26pm
If they're school aged, I'd suggest getting them to help out around the house. I find that doing chores with my girls is time well spent. We talk about all sorts of things while we work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 5:29pm
No, just add up the hours spent working. Housework is about half a full time job. It's a no brainer that the SAHP, who happens to have 50 hours is the one to whom it should default. If your spouse wants to do it anwyay, bully for you. You get more time off. If they don't, however, I don't think they need to be made to feel obligated as they're already doing their share by taking over your share of the wage earning.

Pages