Big Fat Lie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Big Fat Lie
870
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 1:41pm
I'm the mother of 2. I have 2 boys, one is 2 1/2, the other is 4 months old. Before I had my second baby, I was a full time nurse and was making more money than my husband. That being said, he never really had a problem with it. The extra money helped us pay for extras. Well, I decided after the second child, that I would stay at home most of the week. I work only 2 days a week, 6 hours a day. Now all of the sudden, I do EVERYTHING. He does not get up at night with this baby, he does not keep the house clean with me, NOTHING I do is important enough. (He plays softball once a week, goes out with the guys after etc.) I do not do anything. (Actually I get to go to Weight Watchers on Fridays while my mom watches the kids.) I have no life anymore, and his life is fantastic! I tried to take a class, but he wouldn't help with the kids enough so I couldn't stick with it.

When we got married we were going to share all responsibilities, take care of the kids TOGETHER, do the housework TOGETHER. It was all just a BIG FAT LIE!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 8:14pm
Yeah, like any man that cares a whit about his pennies and diems is gonna want his wife to spend $50 of HIS money (after all, he earned it) paying a sitter when he's already home with his kids.


Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 8:15pm
And mom's tired after having done 100% of the housework and the childcare.


Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 8:19pm
So if mom is home than dad should step in and spend time with his kids because he didn't get the chance to during the day but if mom is not home than dad should not spend anytime with the kids, they should spend that time with the babysitter. Dumb.

Also what about the other half of my post. You keep bringing it back to mom should hire a baby sitter, what about dad. Should he also have hire a babysitter if he wants to go out during the night?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 8:23pm
Yes, me. There's a clever little device you can use to determine if I'm saying something; the posts will list my username in the "From:" field.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 8:33pm
Yes, I thought that when I made a promise to love, honor and cherish my DH it did carry with it some kind of responsibility of trying to make his life happier/easier/better. He seems to feel the same way.
Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 8:38pm
I'm sorry. I had my helmet on. What should others not expect? To care for their children? I'm not following your logic. But that's not a surprise.

As an FYI, my DH and I didn't "agree" to anything. He donated half our DS' chromosones. Ergo, he is 50% responsible for DS. Which means, whether or not he "agrees" to take care of him is moot. He just does. Mostly because he's a great guy and doesn't need these spelled out for him in black and white.

outside_the_box_mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 8:53pm
Two hrs a wk of cleaning & we share that.

Doesn't count as a second job for either of us if you look at the time spent.

It makes it the way it should be in t his house. A concept you can't wrap your brain around but doesn't make it any less true because you can't.

I'm not lucky. Dh & I TOGETHER are lucky.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 8:57pm
Oh don't worry. Dh are happy how we chose things to be.

He said he wouldn't have it the way you think it should be. Me neither.

You want to believe your mumbo jumbo, you go right ahead. I'm sure it makes you feel better to think the way you do.

Not true, but whatever.

No Grimal. It is right for dh & I. It is right in this house. I know that sticks in your crawl that othrs think and live nothing like you think they should.

From your postings, I'd not do anything at all like you. Nothing!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 8:57pm
But, according to Grimal, you'd better hope that dh just happens to want to spend time with your kids when you have plans to go out because otherwise, you'd have to get a sitter. Because you could never ask your dh to spend time with the kids so you could go do something because that would be telling him what to do and instructing his play time with the kids. He needs his relaxation and down time and god forbid you attempt to hijack that down time with any of your pathetic needs and desires. A sahp has NOTHING but relaxation and down time. I should know! I sah and all I do is relax while I get puked on and scrape oatmeal off the doorwall and I have nothing but fun when I get up at 12am, 3am and 5:30am only to start the day at 6:30.

Meldi

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 8:58pm
Now who is twisting?

Twist, twist, twist.

Paige, who has a DH that read these threads and said he wouldn't have a wife like your posts! He wants an equal, that is what he has got.

Paige

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