Big Fat Lie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Big Fat Lie
870
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 1:41pm
I'm the mother of 2. I have 2 boys, one is 2 1/2, the other is 4 months old. Before I had my second baby, I was a full time nurse and was making more money than my husband. That being said, he never really had a problem with it. The extra money helped us pay for extras. Well, I decided after the second child, that I would stay at home most of the week. I work only 2 days a week, 6 hours a day. Now all of the sudden, I do EVERYTHING. He does not get up at night with this baby, he does not keep the house clean with me, NOTHING I do is important enough. (He plays softball once a week, goes out with the guys after etc.) I do not do anything. (Actually I get to go to Weight Watchers on Fridays while my mom watches the kids.) I have no life anymore, and his life is fantastic! I tried to take a class, but he wouldn't help with the kids enough so I couldn't stick with it.

When we got married we were going to share all responsibilities, take care of the kids TOGETHER, do the housework TOGETHER. It was all just a BIG FAT LIE!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 6:11am
"ads time with the kids should not be forced because mom needs me time." Oh, but it's not only OK but actually beneficial to force dad to be with the kids because you're at work? Right.

"This mom isn't looking for her dh to bond with his kids." Good, because managing that relationship not her job, it's his.

"That's not what dads time at home should be about." And why not? Remember? Per you, it's not hard at all to do housework and bond with the kids at the same time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 6:23am
""That's not what dads time at home should be about." And why not? Remember? Per you, it's not hard at all to do housework and bond with the kids at the same time."

Not only that but, per CLW, it is not only easy to do housework and bond with the kids simultaneously, it is actually an important way to bond with the kids. So if the SAHP gets every scrap of housework done during the week and leaves nothing over for the WOHP to do in the evenings or on the weekends with the kids then he/she is actually depriving the WOHP and the children of an important aspect of bonding, right?

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 8:37am
No you won't be doing 100% of the housework. You'll still be doing only 50%, because there are now TWO households. He'll be doing the other 50% at HIS house. The overall workload will double, but your percentage of it remains the same.


Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 9:02am
I don't disagree that running a household does not take every minute of every day. I really haven't handed over any household tasks to dh since starting to work 6 hours a day. I still have time to do most of those tasks. I am not sure why you think that SAHPs shouldn't have a little break every now and then from their household tasks.

I am just not understanding why you think that most families have a SAHP so that the SAHP can be a maid to the WOHP? IME most families have a SAHP so that the SAHP can spend more time with the kids NOT so that the WOHP doesn't have to lift a finger around the house.

It has also been my experience that most families with a SAHP do NOT expect the WOHP to split the housework 50/50. They just don't expect to be treated like the maid.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 9:05am
I disagree.

She will be doing 100% of the housework for her household, and he will be doing 100% of the housework for his household. What will change is a three person household generates less housework than a four person household (one less person's laundry, dishes, one less person messining things up). If she were now doing 100% of the housework then when he leaves she would be doing less total housework even though the % would stay the same. But since she is now doing less than 100% the total amount of housework she does will be more.

I never realized how much gaining/loosing a person can have an effect on housework until my DDs started going away for the school year and home for the summer. It is so much easier to keep a house clean when it is just three of us then when it is five of us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 11:25am
That's probable; I wasn't trying to get mathmatical. I just got the feelign that it was a "I'll be doing it all and he'll be doing nothing" kind of attitude. And that is most certainly not true. Because he will have an entire household's worth of work to do too.


Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 12:38pm
Absolutely. And WOHP not doing any housework will teach the kids that he's incompetent to do it.
Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 12:43pm
That may have worked when your children were smaller and thought it was a "game," but it certainly doesn't work now that DS is older. He has his chores, but he certainly would protest if I made him clean behind mommy and daddy's bedroom furniture. I cleaned behind everything in our room this morning, plus mopped the floors (we have all hardwood). It took me over an hour. You can say it didn't cut into "family time," but DS was watching TV and coloring the entire time. It certainly was not "quality time." And it was by no means "fun."

outside_the_box_mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 1:38pm

Yippy skippy.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 1:58pm
Then why do you make blanket statements? Just to get things stirred up??? Its not like you are the best person to be telling people how the division of labor should work for their lives and marriages you know. It certainly didnt work for you, did it?

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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