Big Fat Lie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Big Fat Lie
870
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 1:41pm
I'm the mother of 2. I have 2 boys, one is 2 1/2, the other is 4 months old. Before I had my second baby, I was a full time nurse and was making more money than my husband. That being said, he never really had a problem with it. The extra money helped us pay for extras. Well, I decided after the second child, that I would stay at home most of the week. I work only 2 days a week, 6 hours a day. Now all of the sudden, I do EVERYTHING. He does not get up at night with this baby, he does not keep the house clean with me, NOTHING I do is important enough. (He plays softball once a week, goes out with the guys after etc.) I do not do anything. (Actually I get to go to Weight Watchers on Fridays while my mom watches the kids.) I have no life anymore, and his life is fantastic! I tried to take a class, but he wouldn't help with the kids enough so I couldn't stick with it.

When we got married we were going to share all responsibilities, take care of the kids TOGETHER, do the housework TOGETHER. It was all just a BIG FAT LIE!!!!

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Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 2:08pm
You write "I does not, however, cease to be your responsibility because your spouse makes enough to support you SAH."

I wrote "It doesn't alleviate the responsibility from the non wage earner."

I think we both agree that both parents are responsible for supporting their family. I think the area where we differ is that I don't understand why you feel it necessary for both parents to always work at the same time regardless of how much money one makes.

Jenna

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 2:15pm
To me, doing housework with your kids isn't the same kind of time as playing a game, or reading a book. If you think it's the same then more power to you.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 2:27pm
I think people have different perceptions of things like childcare and housework. Cyndi seems to have a vision of a sahp who has oodles of excess time to do minimal housework, compliant children who never want or need to go anywhere, and a tiny house that doesnt require much work.

I can easily spend 2-3 hours a DAY on housework/household tasks (not that I always do!), so I dont understand her assertion that housework only takes about 10 hrs a week max. And caring for my children involves more, imo, than me just letting them help clean. We have always done things like go to the zoo, the library, playgroups, movies, etc. Then there are daily errands to be run, financial matters to attend to, animals to care for, lawn and garden care, etc. All those things take up a full day, and my to do list is never completely empty!

And if you consider sahps who have larger families-I honestly dont know how they do it! I have a friend with 3 boys under the age of 5. She certainly does not see her daily life as *easier* than her dh's-and neither does he. And maybe that is the key in some ways, having a dh/wohp who truly understands and appreciates what a sahp *does all day*, as opposed to the kind of dh Cyndi had.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 2:32pm
But how can you assume that your experience is the same as the rest of the worlds???? Each situation is different, especially when you factor in things like number of children and the size of the house in question. You run a household in a certain way-other people might run theirs differently, and have different situations to consider.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 2:36pm
Also, I think most ft jobs get SOME downtime, dont they? I dont know of a job where people NEVER had time to grab a cup of coffee or chat with coworkers for a bit.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 2:36pm
So let me get this right. If there is a SAHP they should do all the housework because it doesn't take all that much time. The WOHP shouldn't have to do it because it takes time away from being with his kids. You can't have it both ways.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 2:38pm
Uh wait a minute. You have said in the past that the working parent should take over the majority of the parenting role when they get home and the sahp should back off, so that the wohp can have equal parenting time with kids. If that isnt treating the other parent as *relief* I dont know what is.

And why should childcare occur ONLY when the parent WANTS it? That isnt parenting. Parenting is 24/7.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 2:40pm
No in the CLW world Mom can go to her book club thing. But since Dad shouldn't have to lift a finger in the house he should just leave all the dirty dinner dishes in the sink and she should clean up the kitchen after she gets home. Because it would be a real tragedy if Dad had to load the dishwasher himself.

Jenna

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 2:42pm
Asking a working spouse to load a dishwasher doesn't constitute the pigs share of housework.

Jenna

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 2:44pm
So only working parents are ever stressed out?

Jenna

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