Big Fat Lie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Big Fat Lie
870
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 1:41pm
I'm the mother of 2. I have 2 boys, one is 2 1/2, the other is 4 months old. Before I had my second baby, I was a full time nurse and was making more money than my husband. That being said, he never really had a problem with it. The extra money helped us pay for extras. Well, I decided after the second child, that I would stay at home most of the week. I work only 2 days a week, 6 hours a day. Now all of the sudden, I do EVERYTHING. He does not get up at night with this baby, he does not keep the house clean with me, NOTHING I do is important enough. (He plays softball once a week, goes out with the guys after etc.) I do not do anything. (Actually I get to go to Weight Watchers on Fridays while my mom watches the kids.) I have no life anymore, and his life is fantastic! I tried to take a class, but he wouldn't help with the kids enough so I couldn't stick with it.

When we got married we were going to share all responsibilities, take care of the kids TOGETHER, do the housework TOGETHER. It was all just a BIG FAT LIE!!!!

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Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 9:38am
In my world the kids come before the housework. The kids are the reason I am working only pt. Not so I can do the housework. The fact that I can do most of the housework is just a perk for dh. If my kids told dh that they couldn't swim (or go to the beach, or whatever) because I had to finish cleaning the house he would blow his stack.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: debcote
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 10:20am
That we be in the part where I said "care" for the baby, now wouldn't it? Yes. The maid cleans up the kitchen when she is here. I tidy it up otherwise. I can't stand to see anything out of place. Not a dish, a single dish in the sink. I love cleanliness & spotless.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: debcote
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 10:21am
Ridiculous indeed. Not suprising from her postings. But still the same, ridiculous indeed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
In reply to: debcote
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 10:48am
On the other hand, it's suddenly crystal clear why she's always insisting that DCP's do a better job of childcare than Moms, do.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: debcote
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 11:17am
But no one is saying they expect the working spouse to come home and CLEAN the entire house. They are simply saying that as a member of the household and someone who helps create the dirt, the working spouse is not excused from any and all household chores. Nor is the working spouse excused from caring for their own children-even if they dont happen to *feel* like it. That isnt how a functioning family unit works.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 1:54pm
Please tell me you are kidding. Please. I beg you.

I play soccer on Sunday afternoon. Sometimes my kids want to go with me. Sometimes they don't. When they stay home someone has to stay home with them. 100% of the time it's dh. Because he's their father. And if I can't (or don't want to) watch them then he has to do it. I have never had him complain. He does ask me what time my game is so that he can plan his day.

It's not fair that a parent has to do everthing for her family and that family shows her so little respect that she cannot get a few hours to do something she likes. IMO that is not what family is about. It is about all of the members supporting the other ones. Not just mom supporting everyone around her. Regardless of work status.

Jenna

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 1:57pm
Shouldn't people who are committed to each other help each other out? So if Mom needs to do some shopping, or some other task she would rather do sans kids shouldn't the father be willing to help out? I am not saying it shouldn't work both ways, because it should. Just that married people help and support each other. So if dh wants golf on Sun AM and I have soccer Sun PM we both arrange to be available for the kids at the appropriate times. Why is that unhealthy, unfair or unreasonable?

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: debcote
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 2:09pm

If you could care less about others and what they do in life.....why exactly are you debating here, not to mention judging other peoples lives and calling them weird and from a different planet?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: debcote
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 2:19pm

No....I am sure I pegged it the first time and unless you go back an edit your

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 5:06pm
Maybe you merely supervise your kids but when I was home and my kids were small I was interacting with them much of the day. When we went to the park there was really no way to just sit on a bench and read a book. I had to make sure they were safe from other kids and other kids were safe from them. Now I could read a book on a park bench but the kids don't want to go to the park as much.

Regardless of whether the mother is actually providing chilcare though she really can't be doing housework while at the park, or supervising kids in the pool, or whatever. I sometimes have plenty of time to post here because I am watching the kids in the pool. But those hours are not available to me to do houseowork either. I really have to be near the pool, not upstairs or in the laundry room. I can prepare meals while they swim since the pool area is visible and accessible from the kitchen.

I also disagree heartily about how much you can get done while a child naps. I used to be able to prepare a meal. That's it. My kids didn't sleep for long stretches of they day once they were no longer infants. Now nobody naps although I can tell them that they have to amuse themselves while I finish something.

Jenna

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