Big Fat Lie
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Big Fat Lie
| Sat, 09-11-2004 - 1:41pm |
I'm the mother of 2. I have 2 boys, one is 2 1/2, the other is 4 months old. Before I had my second baby, I was a full time nurse and was making more money than my husband. That being said, he never really had a problem with it. The extra money helped us pay for extras. Well, I decided after the second child, that I would stay at home most of the week. I work only 2 days a week, 6 hours a day. Now all of the sudden, I do EVERYTHING. He does not get up at night with this baby, he does not keep the house clean with me, NOTHING I do is important enough. (He plays softball once a week, goes out with the guys after etc.) I do not do anything. (Actually I get to go to Weight Watchers on Fridays while my mom watches the kids.) I have no life anymore, and his life is fantastic! I tried to take a class, but he wouldn't help with the kids enough so I couldn't stick with it.
When we got married we were going to share all responsibilities, take care of the kids TOGETHER, do the housework TOGETHER. It was all just a BIG FAT LIE!!!!
When we got married we were going to share all responsibilities, take care of the kids TOGETHER, do the housework TOGETHER. It was all just a BIG FAT LIE!!!!

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Mondo
But what happens when a couple go back to the traditional roles- even if for a short while? The woman does the housework and childcare while the man earns income. But...does he also pick up all the traditional men's housework as done by his dad and grandpa? Does he assume that his SAHM wife will do all the lawn mowing and snow shoveling and fixing loose screws and all the other work SAHMs never used to do?
Personally, I usually got the bulk of the housework done (even when the kids were quite young), but I was plenty busy and never had more than the odd half hour here or there as my quiet time (and dh had a good 2 hours per day at work for his relaxing time). Of course, I went back to work when dd was 2.5 years old, so I probably missed that later time with preschool/school aged kids when getting more done would be easier.
You've been asked this before but I may have missed your answers: if your nanny were willing, would you have her take care of the bulk of the housework during the day? Why or why not? If it is so easy and relaxing for a SAHP to take care of the kids, clean the house top to bottom and have plenty of relaxation time would you consider your nanny's job to be considerably easier than your own? After all, she doesn't even do much housework so she should be living the life of leisure according to CLW's calculations.
Laura
I don't think it makes sense to have someone WOH and then come home and do half the housework. But I don't think a SAHP has to be the family maid either.
Jenna
Jenna
Even if you are not slaving over the food you still need to be there tending to it. So you can't go to a book club meeting, or take a nap or do whatever you want during that time. Your time is spoken for. I generally don't leave the area immediately surrounding the oven or grill while I am cooking. I stay in the kitchen, on the patio (directly outside), or in the famiy room. I think it is a fire hazard to leave food cooking while you go upstairs to complete some chore.
Jenna
If I'm sauteeing something rather than making a roast, or boiling/broiling we're talking about the same amount of time.
Heck, tonight DH isn't home (working late) and I made myself an omelet - THAT took almost 1/2 hour b/t preparing the veggies, etc. and getting it on the plate. Granted, I was stopping every 5 minutes to calm my son who is teething and was sitting in his high chair with a frozen bagel (and tossing it every 10 minutes) but that's life when you've got an infant.
Like I said, dh lives in this house. He helps dirty it. His working does not negate his responsibility to upkeep our home, nor does it make his portion of the dirt suddenly disappear. I dont *mind* doing the bulk of housework, mainly because it matters more to me than it does to him, but that doesnt mean he NEVER has to lift a finger. Thats just nonsense.
dj
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
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