Big Fat Lie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Big Fat Lie
870
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 1:41pm
I'm the mother of 2. I have 2 boys, one is 2 1/2, the other is 4 months old. Before I had my second baby, I was a full time nurse and was making more money than my husband. That being said, he never really had a problem with it. The extra money helped us pay for extras. Well, I decided after the second child, that I would stay at home most of the week. I work only 2 days a week, 6 hours a day. Now all of the sudden, I do EVERYTHING. He does not get up at night with this baby, he does not keep the house clean with me, NOTHING I do is important enough. (He plays softball once a week, goes out with the guys after etc.) I do not do anything. (Actually I get to go to Weight Watchers on Fridays while my mom watches the kids.) I have no life anymore, and his life is fantastic! I tried to take a class, but he wouldn't help with the kids enough so I couldn't stick with it.

When we got married we were going to share all responsibilities, take care of the kids TOGETHER, do the housework TOGETHER. It was all just a BIG FAT LIE!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
In reply to: debcote
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 4:32pm
I so admire people who *enjoy* cooking.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: debcote
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 4:38pm
ITA. I think traditionally, when it was the norm for women to be SAHMs, women did ALL the housework but men (sole breadwinners though they were) had a set of tasks that were done only by men. This included lawnmowing, car maintenance and all home improvement projects. Now women have taken responsibility for those tasks too, while expecting modern dad to do more of the standard housework. We no longer have such a rigid gender division of labor where men do the income-earning and any task which requires a trip to the hardware store while women do all cooking, cleaning and childcare. Now men and women do all those things, mixing it up as fits their life.

But what happens when a couple go back to the traditional roles- even if for a short while? The woman does the housework and childcare while the man earns income. But...does he also pick up all the traditional men's housework as done by his dad and grandpa? Does he assume that his SAHM wife will do all the lawn mowing and snow shoveling and fixing loose screws and all the other work SAHMs never used to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
In reply to: debcote
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 4:42pm
Barring sick children, newborns (say the first few months before the sleep schedule settles) and/or a sick SAHP, I'd tend to agree. What CLW was arguing is that not only should the SAHP get ALL of the chores done, but that the SAHP would still be "owing" the WOHP in terms of time and effort. In other words, she considers that the SAHP has such a life of leisure that he/she literally has all day to get all the housework done and plenty of time left over for dealing with the kids and getting time alone. She has added no caveats for very young children throughout this thread, giving the impression that she considers the under 3 crowd to require as little work as school-aged children.

Personally, I usually got the bulk of the housework done (even when the kids were quite young), but I was plenty busy and never had more than the odd half hour here or there as my quiet time (and dh had a good 2 hours per day at work for his relaxing time). Of course, I went back to work when dd was 2.5 years old, so I probably missed that later time with preschool/school aged kids when getting more done would be easier.

You've been asked this before but I may have missed your answers: if your nanny were willing, would you have her take care of the bulk of the housework during the day? Why or why not? If it is so easy and relaxing for a SAHP to take care of the kids, clean the house top to bottom and have plenty of relaxation time would you consider your nanny's job to be considerably easier than your own? After all, she doesn't even do much housework so she should be living the life of leisure according to CLW's calculations.


Laura

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 5:30pm
I think how much time a SAHP has to do housework changes as her kids age. If I were home FT I would be able to do absolutely everything in the 7 hours a day the kids are gone. But with babies/toddler I could probably do half before I felt I was spending to much time on chores and not enough on the kids. Most people who SAH do not do so in order to be a better housekeeper.

I don't think it makes sense to have someone WOH and then come home and do half the housework. But I don't think a SAHP has to be the family maid either.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 5:40pm
It may take 1.5-2 hours for those things to cook but that does not mean you tkae 2 hours making dinner. It takes about 5 minutes to put them into the oven and less than 5 to take them out. The only one working for that two hours is your oven.
Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 5:45pm
No, but I am required to be near the kitchen while I cook. I can't be at my friend's house, at a movie, taking a nap or far from the kitchen (or patio if I cook outdoors) while I am cooking unless I want to start a fire.

Jenna

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 6:14pm
I usually take about 2 hours to cook dinner from start to finish. If you roast a chicken on a gas grill by simply putting it on the grill an leaving it there for 2hours chances are you will return to a flaming black pile of ashes.

Even if you are not slaving over the food you still need to be there tending to it. So you can't go to a book club meeting, or take a nap or do whatever you want during that time. Your time is spoken for. I generally don't leave the area immediately surrounding the oven or grill while I am cooking. I stay in the kitchen, on the patio (directly outside), or in the famiy room. I think it is a fire hazard to leave food cooking while you go upstairs to complete some chore.

Jenna

Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: debcote
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 6:43pm
I know that if I'm making a home cooked meal, it's going to take at least an hour, start to finish. It doesn't matter if it's a roasted chicken (chopping up onions/potatos/carrots/celery/bacon, etc. to put in with it, basting it every 15 minutes or so, etc.) I don't stuff the chicken, but I do make stuffing which takes time. I also make a veggie dish and often a salad - I use bagged lettuce, but refuse to buy the whole pre-made salad so I chop more veggies.

If I'm sauteeing something rather than making a roast, or boiling/broiling we're talking about the same amount of time.

Heck, tonight DH isn't home (working late) and I made myself an omelet - THAT took almost 1/2 hour b/t preparing the veggies, etc. and getting it on the plate. Granted, I was stopping every 5 minutes to calm my son who is teething and was sitting in his high chair with a frozen bagel (and tossing it every 10 minutes) but that's life when you've got an infant.

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: debcote
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 7:03pm
Does that mean you don't duck out to the neighborhood gas station for a package of diapers that you forgot to buy earlier at Target?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: debcote
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 11:02pm
Yep. Since I am home more, I tend to do the bulk of the housework. But that doesnt mean dh gets to come home and lay on the couch with his feet up while I am making dinner and such. How 1950's can you get????

Like I said, dh lives in this house. He helps dirty it. His working does not negate his responsibility to upkeep our home, nor does it make his portion of the dirt suddenly disappear. I dont *mind* doing the bulk of housework, mainly because it matters more to me than it does to him, but that doesnt mean he NEVER has to lift a finger. Thats just nonsense.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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