Big Fat Lie
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Big Fat Lie
| Sat, 09-11-2004 - 1:41pm |
I'm the mother of 2. I have 2 boys, one is 2 1/2, the other is 4 months old. Before I had my second baby, I was a full time nurse and was making more money than my husband. That being said, he never really had a problem with it. The extra money helped us pay for extras. Well, I decided after the second child, that I would stay at home most of the week. I work only 2 days a week, 6 hours a day. Now all of the sudden, I do EVERYTHING. He does not get up at night with this baby, he does not keep the house clean with me, NOTHING I do is important enough. (He plays softball once a week, goes out with the guys after etc.) I do not do anything. (Actually I get to go to Weight Watchers on Fridays while my mom watches the kids.) I have no life anymore, and his life is fantastic! I tried to take a class, but he wouldn't help with the kids enough so I couldn't stick with it.
When we got married we were going to share all responsibilities, take care of the kids TOGETHER, do the housework TOGETHER. It was all just a BIG FAT LIE!!!!
When we got married we were going to share all responsibilities, take care of the kids TOGETHER, do the housework TOGETHER. It was all just a BIG FAT LIE!!!!

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I do think, however, that my overall stress levels were far less than many SAHPs who are saddled with all the housework because dh didn't expect me to have everything spotless and organised for him when he got home. 9 times out of 10 I did have most of the housework done, but I didn't feel pressure to get it done if everything was falling apart on any particular day for whatever reason. Caring for the kids as my top priority was how we understood the arrangement, everything else that got done during the day was gravy...the fact that I managed to get most things done during the day made our lives easier on the weekends, but the world didn't end if it didn't happen. I don't know if that makes much sense?
Laura
Edited 9/24/2004 3:37 pm ET ET by laura_w2
Whether this might be a good thing or not I guess depends on personal preference. Dh enjoys his early days with the kids as do I. We have also found that our kids do better overall (in terms of mood and energy level) when picked up by 3 or so rather than 5. This, of course, depends on individual children's needs. And, as you also point out, the loss of 8 hours per week doesn't make much of a difference at work.
Laura
"If I didn't get off until 5, we'd be trying to cram homework, music practice, and dinner into the window between 5:30 and when evening activites start -- or the kids would be able to participate in fewer activities. "
Why?
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Karen
"A pocketknife is like a melody;sharp in some places,
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Obviously, you and your children would have nothing to gain from a cut-back in your or your husband's work hours since you do have a nanny to take care of all the activities during the week. Not everyone has that possibility, so cutting a few hours to get some more afternoon time does pay off for some. Of course, I also enjoy being a part of the kids' activities, homework and practices just as they enjoy having me and dh be there. Homework supervision is usually the time I hear the most about what is going on in ds's class and how he feels about everything. I find that it is an important time in which I can gain a better understanding of his life at school and his relationships with his teacher and the other kids. But that is perhaps a less tangible gain.
Laura
Jenna
Studying spelling words. Helping them with their math. Helping them with anything they don't understand.
Music practice, no. But if the kid needs to get to music practice, then yes, they need someone to take them.
Paige
Dh & I need to be here. Not both of us, we just are lucky that we are both here. But one of us, definately.
I don't even like to hire a sitter for us to go out on the rare occasion. Why would I want to hire a nanny? I wouldn't.]\
Paige
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