Big Fat Lie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Big Fat Lie
870
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 1:41pm
I'm the mother of 2. I have 2 boys, one is 2 1/2, the other is 4 months old. Before I had my second baby, I was a full time nurse and was making more money than my husband. That being said, he never really had a problem with it. The extra money helped us pay for extras. Well, I decided after the second child, that I would stay at home most of the week. I work only 2 days a week, 6 hours a day. Now all of the sudden, I do EVERYTHING. He does not get up at night with this baby, he does not keep the house clean with me, NOTHING I do is important enough. (He plays softball once a week, goes out with the guys after etc.) I do not do anything. (Actually I get to go to Weight Watchers on Fridays while my mom watches the kids.) I have no life anymore, and his life is fantastic! I tried to take a class, but he wouldn't help with the kids enough so I couldn't stick with it.

When we got married we were going to share all responsibilities, take care of the kids TOGETHER, do the housework TOGETHER. It was all just a BIG FAT LIE!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 4:56pm
When your kids start 1st grade you may feel differently. 1st grade is VERY different from K.

I found that once ds started 1st grade I really appreciated having some more time at home. I found like I had a better handle on what was happening in school. I also found that it was easier to handle activities when I was working pt. I DID handle them when I worked ft but it was easier when I worked pt. I was working about 30 hours a week.

I think this is an area where YMMV.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
In reply to: debcote
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 4:58pm
Felicia, not all SAHPs work it that way.

Dh & I have always cleaned on Wed nites late after our tv shows. Why should we change that when I started staying at home? We saw no point. Same goes for errands & groc shopping. That has always been done on Sat morning right after breakfast. Why should we change it? We didn't. We kept going at the same time.

I didn't sit in dd's face or hold her when she was infant all day. But I was a sahp to be with my dd. So yes, we spent our time together doing things. She had her free time. I had mine. We had our time together.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
In reply to: debcote
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 4:59pm
Yes. We are in the first grade mode now.

ITA

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: debcote
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 4:59pm
Wouldn't it be nice to volunteer at your children's school for a morning or afternoon a week without having to coordinate a personal half day off for it? Would you ever like to be a soccer coach, a scout leader, a yearbook advisor, a Big Sister, without it taking a measureable toll on your family? (I'm not saying that you couldn't do those things with your current job and hours.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
In reply to: debcote
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 5:00pm
If you & your dh always did the housechores together, then keeping it that way if both agreed when you started to SAH wouldn't be seen as any issue at all.

We didn't change things because my status went from woh to sah.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 5:11pm

YMMV?


Well, I have the world's best job in terms of being child friendly and flexible and being challenging and paying well, and there's no PT option. So I can't see the other benefits of

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
In reply to: debcote
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 5:13pm
You're a lawyer, right?

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: debcote
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 5:13pm

LOL, Sure they do.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 5:15pm
I agree.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
In reply to: debcote
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 5:25pm
I'd agree that in your situation the benefits of working ft clearly outweigh any possible benefits of going pt, especially since there is no part time option. I was wondering about how you would feel if you had a job that you could go a bit more pt on without losing benefits or career development.

I'd agree that 5:30pm isn't too late for homework or dinner. It would be very hard for us to fit in, for example, swimming, piano practice, homework and dinner plus some down-time (which my kids, at least, seem to need some of every day or they get really worn out) in the 2.5 to 3 hours left before bed.


Laura

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