Big Fat Lie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Big Fat Lie
870
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 1:41pm
I'm the mother of 2. I have 2 boys, one is 2 1/2, the other is 4 months old. Before I had my second baby, I was a full time nurse and was making more money than my husband. That being said, he never really had a problem with it. The extra money helped us pay for extras. Well, I decided after the second child, that I would stay at home most of the week. I work only 2 days a week, 6 hours a day. Now all of the sudden, I do EVERYTHING. He does not get up at night with this baby, he does not keep the house clean with me, NOTHING I do is important enough. (He plays softball once a week, goes out with the guys after etc.) I do not do anything. (Actually I get to go to Weight Watchers on Fridays while my mom watches the kids.) I have no life anymore, and his life is fantastic! I tried to take a class, but he wouldn't help with the kids enough so I couldn't stick with it.

When we got married we were going to share all responsibilities, take care of the kids TOGETHER, do the housework TOGETHER. It was all just a BIG FAT LIE!!!!

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Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 7:28pm
Your Mileage May Vary (you may see different results).

I don't think there is a pat answer and that every person will see the same affect when confronted with a few more hours a week at home. Different kids, different parents, different schools all combine to make our experiences vary.

Jenna

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 7:32pm
Do you really agree? You were the one who wrote that "...I'm willing to go through a lot of decreases in my daily quality of life to continue to work FT."

Alot of decreases and seriously degrade seem pretty even in my mind.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 8:39pm

I have noticed Zak is in a much better mood when he isn't in SACC (after school care). He is more talkative, more apt to do his homework without fuss and just more relaxed. Picking him up at 5:00 means he has to eat dinner, do homework, take a bath and try to play before 9:00. He is quite stressed and I am too.


Getting off at 3:00 was absolute heaven compared to 5:00.

"You just have to keep making decisions. Even wrong decisions" Joe Simpson in "Touching the Void" about surviving climbing down a mountain with a shattered leg.


Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: debcote
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 9:02pm
Lots of homework require parental participation in the early years. DS 1 is in 2nd grade. Mon-Thurs he is supposed to read to us out loud for 20 minutes each night. The spelling is a new program they are tryong out and require parental participation to dictate the words and help them edit their work. We are supposed to go over the math homework with them and there is math challenge ("extra") homework to. They have a calender where they write down what they have to do every night and a parental signature at the bottom. Plus, because they are trying to learn the additiona dnsubreaction tables we are supposed to use flash cards and "test them" as we go along. From my understanding with conversations with other parents, the parental time requirements increase in the next few years.

IMO, dinner is important as a family activity. There are plenty of studies that link the number of family meals to increased grade point average, increased participation in actitivities and decreased dilinquency, drug use and later first sex.


Janet




iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 6:26am
In that case, you're probably best off pre-cooking the meat before including it.

if he were satisfied with just significantly lowering the fat, you could pour off the extra, or refrigerate it enough to let the fat solidify, remove it and then reheat.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 6:29am
To save a step, put the liquid into an old-style olive oil pan (where the spout feeds from the bottom). The oil will rise and you can pour off the liquid, leaving the oil in the can.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 6:30am
That was me, and I got it from someone else at Ivillage, Parentsplace, tho (whom I can't remember :)

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 6:52am
But what if the FT job pays 10 times what the PT job pays? What if the FT job allowed for you to never even worry about money? Wouldn't that be nice.

In some fields, there is a huge difference between pay in the FT job and the PT job. In some fields and some cities, working 9 to 5 is practically considered PT!

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 4:09pm
I wrote that I would not do anything to seriously degrade my quality of life unless it was a matter of survival. And I stand by that statement. If I had to seriously degrade the quality of my life because my family would not have a place to live or enough to eat I would do so. I would not seriously degrade my life so that I could drive a nicer car and live in a nicer house. I have BTDT and I am not going back.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debcote
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 3:14pm
Less stress would be nice.

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