Can a child be better off in daycare?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Can a child be better off in daycare?
29
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 12:41am

I'm a first time mom struggling along. I worked outside the home for about a year. Roughly half my income went to childcare. My DH was mad that I wasn't keeping the house clean enough, getting dinner on the table well enough, paying enough attention to my daughter and to him.

So now I've been a SAHM for about 8 months. My DH is mad that I'm not keeping the house clean enough, meal planning/shopping like he thinks I should, paying enough attention to my daughter and to him. He's been threatening to "fire" me from being a SAHM because "you don't seem to want to take care of your daughter so I guess we need to pay someone else to do it". A few weeks ago I said "okay, I will go back to work", but he doesn't really want that either.

My mom and step-mom say I'm a good mom. It seems to me that DH is somewhat skewed in his viewpoint. I'm ADD and know that my attention roams and that I don't always have the clearest sense of myself. Also know that things like "details", "organization", "time management" are not my strengths. Listening to DH sounds like I'm a failure. Not sure if I'm keeping the DH or not, but that's a whole 'nuther topic.

I think my daughter might be more stimulated in a good daycare - playing with other kids, more structured activities/time. I would miss her and feel split down the middle again and I would be working to pay for her care (+ other expenses if DH and I split). It is nice to have contact with adults, however I'm not in a position to work at a job I really care about. I would most likely be back at clerical/admin work and bored out of my mind most of the time.

Should I "fire" myself and hire a professional? Any objective criteria?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2008
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 3:19pm

If I could offer a suggestion-


I personally know that the answer to your question about whether or not a child can be better off in day care is a resounding YES. In some situations, there have immense benefits associated with a quality childcare center that include higher rates of future employment, lower arrest and criminal records, higher levels of educational attainment etc. I can say this because my Masters degree was in early childhood, however I would stress what someone else has already mentioned- it is NOT the best option for everyone. I myself was raised at home with my siblings, home schooled, and all of my mothers children have been very successful, intelligent, and no criminal records yet :)


In your case, child care is one of those things you have to consider personally. If you are so ADD that YOU feel that your cannot keep up with your baby's needs, then I suggest you go into the daycare centers (before you sign up!) and see what it is THEY do. I will tell you, its not a magic pill they give to kids, they are not perfectly "structured" (nor would you want them to be!) and children are generally receiving the same or lower levels of care than it sounds like you provide at home. Childcare is one of those things that many parents feel offers some amazing benifit over a loving, interactive home environment, and it simply isn't true. On the other hand, if your two year old watches hours of tv and rarely goes outside, they might be better off in a shabby playground with 20 other kids and two stressed out, underpaid childcare workers whose concern for your child can measure up to a fraction of yours. In the end, children need a lot of stimulation- not as much "structure" as interaction with the world around them- and lots and lots of language (books, music, aphabet games etc).


I think the biggest problem with your being a stay at home mom right now is your marriage. You mentioned it was another topic, but I think that it is the lack of support you are getting from your spouse that is causing most of the problem, or at least the

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 5:29am

just one thing I would ammend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 8:47am
Very true!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 10:27am

And, in Dylan's case, I say that dc was a necessity for his survival. Otherwise, I'd have gone crazy and killed him. Having Joy and family here last weekend was heaven. Dylan didn't talk at us all weekend. He had Alex and Lindsay to talk at. It was like today--he's in school and I'm home alone.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 12:05pm
That sounds heavenly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 3:14pm

You have my sympathies. P & pt that Joel gets well soon and he can go back to school.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 4:32pm
Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 6:17pm

The nerve of the kid!

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

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