Can I cry for a minute?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Can I cry for a minute?
5
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 1:00pm
I'm so sad right now.

I think I have mentioned before about my irregular periods. I have had fibroid tumors in the past, as well as ovarian cysts, though I am clear right now. However, my uterus is about twice its normal size. Could someone explain THAT to me? Well, after looking at my options , I have chosen the hysterectomy. This makes me soooo sad. Yes, I had my tubes tied 4 1/2 years ago when son was born. At the time, it was done with the plan of adopting and/or having foster kids. Now, though, we cannot do that due to my husbands health. But now it is going to be PERMANENT that I can never ever have another baby!!! Sure, there is the possibility that my husband will pass while I am still relatively young due to his health and the age difference. And I MIGHT meet someone after that who wants kids and we COULD adopt at that point. But the thought of never BEING ABLE TO have another baby is just breaking my heart!

And I'm sure my hormones aren't helping...I have been on THIS period for 9 weeks straight. I am anemic (again), bruised beyond belief, cranky, moody, sad, and heart broken! And DAMNIT, now is NOT the time for ivillage to change the board format on me!!! I'm ready to throw the puter out the window!!!

Sorry, just needed to get this off my chest. My husband hasn't been around in a few days. Don't ask me what he is doing. He leaves at 6:30 every morning, and doesn't come home until after the kids are in bed. I give up...I'm tired. I just wanna disappear to Hawaii for about a month!

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 1:18pm
I feel your pain. (Kind of) I've been on my period pretty much since November. (With a few little 2-3 day breaks once a month... like an anti-period I guess!) Excpet I don't have anything wrong with me.. Just constant cramps, period, bloating, anemia.. ugghhhh I wish doctors were more helpful. WRT the hysterectomy... Well things go certain ways for a reason I believe. Maybe in a few years there is a child who was meant to be adopted by you, who knows. My prayers....
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 2:57pm
Aww...I'm so sorry you're having to go thru this right now. I do think though, that of your options this is what I would choose. I had the ablation done 3 years ago because hysterectomy is not an option for me, and it was great for a while but didn't last. Now things are back to where they were before.

I can relate a lot to what you're saying about knowing that you can't have another baby. I went thru that a lot with my decision to have my tubal. I knew that it wasn't safe for me to attempt another pregnancy but I really wanted to anyway. I realized eventually that I HAD to do it and that my reasons for wanting another child (basically wanting the experience of having a NORMAL child) really were pretty selfish. (Not saying that yours are, but in my situation, mine were) It was a very hard thing to come to terms with and I don't envy anyone having to go thru it.

I have realized as time has passed, though, that there really was a reason for things to turn out the way they did. I had no way of predicting then how totally I would be used up by my son's care. If I had had another child, there is no way I could do it. It was very hard to do at the time but I'm glad now that I made that decision when I did. Hopefully you'll reach a point where that happens for you. But for now, you just go ahead and cry. It's good for you.

Lauren


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 4:01pm
Thanks...you have helped solidify my decision.

I just started looking into the info on ablation, and to be honest, just made a "gut" decision with it. From the research I did, the info wasn't really "bad" about ablation. But considering the chances of it not working at all (about 20%) or the chances of it not working after a period of 6 months or more after surgery, I thought the hysterectomy was the best choice for me. You just solidified my thinking in that aspect, knowing that yours quit after...you said 3 years, right?

So, anyway, thanks for the info. It makes me feel better about that aspect anyway.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 4:03pm
Honey...that isn't normal!!!

PLEASE talk to another doctor, or a few more. There is no reason a healthy body should be having a period for that long!!! What has your dr said? Have they tried hormones (birth control)? What tests have they run? :( This makes me worried for you!

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 4:09pm
poor thing. i cant say i know how you feel as far as all the physical troubles. i have had endometriosis, and found out at my first ob/gyn visit in my life i had an ovarian cyst. bc pills have been a life saver for me as far as cramps. im 45 and still get cramps like im 13 years old, and would LOVE to have my stuff out. the feelings you are having as far as having more children i think is *very* normal. i understand you are probably wracked with hormones right now, and certainly need to cry if nothing else, but whether your hormones are off or not, its very natural to get that feeling. i had three c-sections, and every now and then, i think, gosh i wish i could have had one of them naturally.....then i think of the one labor i went through, and the sadness passes. i had the feeling of wanting another baby probably up to ten years after i had number 3, so im not sure that yearning ever goes away. even now i will say to dh, wouldnt you love to adopt a little girl from china? he says promptly, NO, and i come back to reality.

i think the bottom line is, life goes on, and in a way, it is sad. do whats best for you and enjoy what you do have. (((hugs)))

beth