Censoring and children

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Censoring and children
439
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 3:32pm
I was thinking about the topic of censoring discussions in front of children that came up in another thread. What would you not discuss at the dinner table if you have small children?

Also, WRT censoring, are there any "R" rated movies that you would let your young teen (say 13 or 14) see? My dh suggested Schindler's List -- I said I wouldn't because the violence (e.g. people being shot close up in the head) would be too traumatic for an early teen.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 3:42pm
I have discussions I would not want my children to hear. I had to tell Zak's teacher about Dh's health and I did not want him to hear it. I also don't like them seeing me cry about DH's health because it disturbs him (which is why tonite is going to be hard).

I also try not to complain about my family or my in-laws in front of my children. I think it is very damaging. My sister gets on my ever-lasting nerve but she is their aunt and they need to decide for themselves if she is wacked or not. I have already decided. My MIL has this horrible habit of talking about my FIL negatively. I finally had to tell her that,while she had issues with him, he is my childrens grandfather and they did not need to hear it.

I am pretty open about everything else. I discuss the death penalty and other issues with my eldest. DH and I are both fairly liberal. Zak is the junior Alex P. Keaton and he is 6!

Here was our conversation about the death penalty while watching the news:

Z: What is a stay of execution?

Me: It means the federal/state government has delayed the execution.

Z: Why?

Me: Something legal about the trial-witnesses may have been tainted, the lawyer may not have been good. Do you think it is allright for the state to put someone to death?

Z: If they say they are going to do it, they should do it.

Me: We are working on a democratic campaign this summer.

He will either be President or a dictactor.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 3:45pm


Maybe a president *and* a dictator. lol!

Zac sounds like a cutie.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 4:18pm
Ok, I'm going to get TROUNCED...but I don't censor. My mom never censored either. I was allowed to watch anything short of X rated movies. By nature I'm not too big on films with nudity, cursing, etc...however, I am a sucker for scary movies and my kids have seen them (Annikki likes the Ring). In my household as a kid I was even allowed to curse (even though I never did which, I think, was the point). Now that's a step too far for me. But at any rate I let my child watch what I watch and she asks questions and I answer them. Just as I did as a child, I could differentiate btw what I saw on tv and how a person is supposed to act in real life. So I don't censor.

Not really so much of a philosophic decision as it is just what I do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 4:24pm
I saw the "Ring" a little while back and it was SO SCARY! I don't get scared easily but that movie was eerie!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 4:37pm
I really cannot think of anything we censor from our kids. We are pretty honest with them, and if they overhear something they don't understand or have questions about, they will ask us. One thing that my girlfriend won't talk about in front of her kids is issues with her ex-husband. I'm not in that situation, but I fully agree with her. I will not discuss any problems my husband and I have in front of my kid, but I don't discuss problems with have with our friends and family anyway. It is none of their business and a very easy way to put a rift in my marriage. If I need to talk to someone about a problem I have with my husband, I will rant on here (just to vent it out where I am pretty much faceless) or I will get a counselor. No reason for friends and family to know the gory details.

As far as movies, we are pretty liberal. As conservative in EVERYTHING as my grandparents were, they allowed me to watch Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street from pretty young. My Papa and I would lay in their bed and watch on the black and white tv, b/c my grandma banned those movies from the big color tv in the living room...lol. But she would make us popcorn and drinks and cut us up apples. Sorry...tangent. Anyway, my daughter, who is 6 1/2 watches Scare Tactics (show on SciFi channel with Shannon Doherty hosting) with her dad. Doesn't thrill me, but she LOVES it. She LOVES the scifi channel. If I had my way, she probably wouldn't watch it, but DH is more lenient in that area than me...which is good, to some degree.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 4:48pm
What about non-scary movies that were meant for older teens? When your dd is say 13, would you let her see American Pie, The Matrix, Boogie Nights, to name a few?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 4:48pm
Many, many conversational topics. Taboo #1 is criticizing their pop pop, my dad, in front of them. Or any family or even non family member. They don't need to see me angry over something or someone they couldn't possibly comprehend. We censor almost everything we say to our almost 4 year old.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 4:55pm
Annikki didn't even flinch. She's seen so many that she's gotten to be quite academic about them. She sits there (like I do) and breaks down what about a movie makes it scary. She dissects them. It takes a LOT in a horror movie to scare me. The Ring did not scare me (the movie) but the part on the DVD where it starts playing the full length of that video and it freezes your DVD player so you can't turn it off...that spooked me a little. Luckily after it went off the phone did not ring and, 4 months later, we're all still alive!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 5:31pm
I don't know...I haven't seen American Pie or Boogey Nights. I have seen the Matrix, and don't see why that would be an issue...even now, but it has been awhile since I saw it, so maybe I'm forgetting something.

As far as the future, I just don't know. I think a lot of these things really depend on the kid involved and how the parents handle it. Meaning, are the kids watching the movie with their parents or with their friends? Are they able to ask their parents questions about the movie, have the parents seen the movie so they have have open dialogue, etc.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 5:34pm
Really good question. there are lots of things that should not be discussed in front of *small* children, however, depending on maturity level, there are some issues i think *should* be discussed, without going into depth. i think children should know about their bodies, and what will happen to them as they grow. i also think it is very healthy for boys and girls to be aware of what happens to the other in regards to development, and how this is natural and normal. i dont think it is horrible to see a naked body on tv, however, i do think it is not a good idea for children to see what the naked person is doing sometimes. they are not old enough to understand the concepts of sex that are in some movies.

my *biggest* issue with regards to what my children should and should not see on tv, is violence. i really feel it truly does desensitize some people. i am one who really gets "into" a movie, and see it to be real. some people can seperate real from tv, however, if i am one who sees it as real, how many children see it the same way?

i was rather surprised while at my neighbors house to learn she had not discussed nursing her new baby with her children before the baby was born. i think this was a big mistake. her older children are 10 and 7. surely old enough to understand what will happen when mom brings the baby home. when they walked in and saw her nursing, they were shocked. i dont understand. why not tell them. its not something they see on a daily basis, but is very normal and natural to human behavior.

lots of people make a big secret of women having their monthly. well, is this not normal? i had my kids bringing me tampons when they were big enough to walk, when i would forget one. as they got older i explained exactly what they were for, and as they matured, went into more detail. this has never ever been an issue with our kids, as it was just something that was always there.

the r movies i allowed my kids to see were the ones with language, as they were hearing way worse in jr high, and although i didnt condone the language, i felt it was ok to watch the *story* as long as they understood we dont use that language. also, if there was just frontal nudity, without any "sexual acts" connected to it, i did not have issue. if there was blood and guts, and cruel behavior, i definitely would not allow them to watch. i dont see any point in traumatizing kids. i personally only enjoy cinderella stories where everyone lives happily ever after.

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