change from working to SAH!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
change from working to SAH!
73
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 2:32am

In my previous (6 yr)

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Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 3:17am

You are obviously free to do whatver you like. In that sense there is nothing "wrong" with what you are doing.

However, you are hurting your earning power and career prospects by stepping out of the work force. Unless you are independently wealthy, you could also be in for a rude, economic awakening should your marriage collapse.

In my view, it is not "worth" SAHing for the sake of running a 2-person household. Back when our great-grandmothers were housewives, they ran major operations in their homes most of the time, feeding many people and often contributing to the economic life of the family as well in the process, directly or indirectly. Your set-up is more like you being the personal valet of your husband. That is a very expensive set-up for the family unit, but one in which you gain nothing really.

There are other ways of achieving what you describe that do not involve one partner stepping completely out of the work force.

For example, we are self-employed. We typically get up around 8 and walk the dogs. Then we have coffee together, read the papers together, discuss the day's work, answer emails, make phone calls etc. Around 11, we each go to our various tasks, meeting around 2-3 for lunch. If I have time, I often cook lunch for us, otherwise we go out. The office is, on purpose, a few blocks from the house, so we can go back and forth between the two throughout the day as needed.

In the evening, we either go out or eat something simple at home that we collaborate on putting on the table, then we feed and walk our dogs. We have a lovely cleaning lady, who comes once a week and mucks the place out, does laundry, changes bed clothes and irons. The 40 bucks is well worth not having to work out who does what, and frees both of us to do other things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 4:30am

Thanks for your input. I should have mentioned that I am not really worried about money even though right now I live in Italy but back home in Canada I have a guaranteed job if I want it at any time as it is family business. I also have some real estate properties. I am definitely not rich as I do not have constant cash flow but let's just say I am not worried. I just don't like people judging me and I feel like that is what is happening with lot of women. Like I said we live in Italy, in my spare time I give private english lessons but it is definitely not like working. I only do it more just so I have something to do. I am not sure why I care what other people think but I think I am just misunderstood. For example, if we had children, it would be more acceptable that I am at home. But we have hard time with that as I had two miscarriages.

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 4:45am

It is good that you have some financial security of your own. I think that is important. Giving lessons IS working. It is just working very part-time.

BTW, we live in Athens, so not too far from you. We moved here from the US many years ago.

I agree that people should keep their opinions to themselves. OTOH, you do not have to pay attention to their opinions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 10:13am

If it works for you, why care what others think?

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 10:22am
i can't speak for SAH without kids but for us, a SAHM with kids was best...you have nobody to answer for but yourselves and i think SAH should feel right before chosing the arrangement. i don't think moms are expected to be SAHMs but it is more common to see moms in the role than dads IME.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 11:12am

Thanks Chris and you are right, this is just working for us now. Maybe in future things will change and I am very good with just going with the flow. Things tend to change so quickly sometimes so it's good for everyone to be flexible and just work it out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2011
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 9:57pm

There doesn't sound like any reason for you not to be at home if you'd like to be. There's a very large amount of work that needs to be done in society and a lot of it is done by those who are outside the traditional work-force. You might consider using some of your time to help various community centers or churches in your area - volunteer your time to help others in your area and you'll be able to set

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 11-09-2011 - 3:22pm

I think that it is wonderful that you enjoy staying at home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Wed, 11-09-2011 - 4:22pm

Thanks for your words. I am glad you understand me because I do not how to explain this feeling. Also, I think we are happy and more relaxed as a couple because of that, it is just functioning well at this time. I do lot of work around the house, I am learning Italian, and will soon start bulding a third floor on the house so there will be lot of work then as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Wed, 11-09-2011 - 5:02pm

I imagine it's kind of like being retired, except that you're still young.





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