In my previous (6 yr)
You are right, I do feel cheated.
I have 3 children, 12, 14, and 16. We have plenty of memories, mostly good, knock on wood. Both my husband and myself continued to balance parenting and working without harming our family. If, as you so adamantly state, "Do you know what they need more than that, you.... Nothing else replaces you being there when they are sick, or home for a vacation day, etc". then their would be verifiable harm in families that use any form of other care, and there is not. Grandparents, au pairs, daycare on occasion more than adequately provided care when they were young, but both my husband or I were home when they were sick, or on vacation. All children should be brought up in a safe secure environment with happy loving parents. Unfortunately, this is not always the case, but working status has not one iota effect on good parenting. I've been a parent long enough to know that one size does not fit all. There is no formula on how to be the "bestest" parent. You choose sah 24/7, good for you. I expect your spouse has to work and has much less face to face time than you, but can still be a good parent.The only one in denial is you that your choices represent the epitome of motherhood.
Ding-ding-ding! Lots of people seem very happy to be judgy about other people's ways of arranging their family lives. It is rather silly, and should, therefore, not be taken too seriously. You matter. Your dh matters. Any kids you have matter. That is all you need to worry about.
As has also been discussed many times here, even within any given family there may not be a firm, black/white answer. You might have two happily working parents and then a kid with special needs arrives, making a change of plan a good idea. Or dad is a workaholic, loses job, suddenly former SAH mom discovers that she likes working and workaholic dad takes up gardening and diaper changing with joy. I think if there is one thing that holds is that you should follow your own lights, but also be prepared to roll with the punches.
"I was trying to enlighten you on the fact that staying home with your children is the most important thing you can give them.
I completely disagree. Not all of us ramp up our lifestyle to suck up all of our money. We have maintained a very simple lifestyle all these years, although our income has increased. This is because we have always valued our freedom.
It is not necessary for a daycare worker to care about my child the way I do. That is not what a daycare worker is there for. I have always taken my dd at her word, even when she was 2 and 3. She was quite observant, articulate and sensible even then. Even at 3 years old, she enjoyed meeting new people and being out in the world without me sometimes. Daycare and later school fulfilled some of those needs. Do your kids go to school?
The reality might be said that could be true in alot of households, but then again it may not be.
You are right, there is no right or wrong when it comes to this because families just like individual people come in different shapes and colours. We might all have a different idea of what is ideal but we should also respect other people's decisions. It is so easy to tell someone they are wrong but to actually understand their life and what they are going through, it takes a lot. Also, it is important to never say never because we
Yep, and many of us have ended up eating massive crow pies over the years because of that "never say never" thing ;)
Young parents are very prone to the "MY child will never ..." or "ANY good parent MUST ..." only to find out later that things just are never that clear-cut.
My heart goes out to you.
The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett
"BTDT and would much rather have had the money instead of the t-shirt."