In my previous (6 yr)
Ding-ding-ding! Lots of people seem very happy to be judgy about other people's ways of arranging their family lives. It is rather silly, and should, therefore, not be taken too seriously. You matter. Your dh matters. Any kids you have matter. That is all you need to worry about.
As has also been discussed many times here, even within any given family there may not be a firm, black/white answer. You might have two happily working parents and then a kid with special needs arrives, making a change of plan a good idea. Or dad is a workaholic, loses job, suddenly former SAH mom discovers that she likes working and workaholic dad takes up gardening and diaper changing with joy. I think if there is one thing that holds is that you should follow your own lights, but also be prepared to roll with the punches.
I have 3 children, 12, 14, and 16. We have plenty of memories, mostly good, knock on wood. Both my husband and myself continued to balance parenting and working without harming our family. If, as you so adamantly state, "Do you know what they need more than that, you.... Nothing else replaces you being there when they are sick, or home for a vacation day, etc". then their would be verifiable harm in families that use any form of other care, and there is not. Grandparents, au pairs, daycare on occasion more than adequately provided care when they were young, but both my husband or I were home when they were sick, or on vacation. All children should be brought up in a safe secure environment with happy loving parents. Unfortunately, this is not always the case, but working status has not one iota effect on good parenting. I've been a parent long enough to know that one size does not fit all. There is no formula on how to be the "bestest" parent. You choose sah 24/7, good for you. I expect your spouse has to work and has much less face to face time than you, but can still be a good parent.The only one in denial is you that your choices represent the epitome of motherhood.
You are right, I do feel cheated.
As tragic as your child's illness is, it's more than a little unreasonable of you to expect me to live my life (and go back in time to raise my child) as if my child were equally ill.
"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .
Again, there you go off with your resentment against what I said rather than going by what I said.
Thank you for your best wishes.
I can't think of a bigger waste of my time away from my child than to only work for "living costs".
Ahh, but see you didn't read and you cut and pasted what you liked out of that.
I have friends that would never be SAHM, it is simply not something that they want. They love their jobs. The crazy thing is they are constantly being asked when they are going to have children or why they don't want to be SAHM. So I guess it seems no matter what we decide, we are being judged by someone. I just think that each family needs to decide what is best for them and everyone else needs to bug out.
Again, people shouldn't judge you and you should do whatever you want to do.