Choose To verses Have To

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Choose To verses Have To
444
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 9:00am

Where is that line? Is there a line? What determines it?

I have been trying to figure out if I am a "choose to" or "have to" sahp. If one only looks at finances, I am definitely a "choose to" sahp. However, IF I had my druthers, I would be a wohp. My family's "unique" circumstances make it easy for our whole family to have a sahp and a wohp. We have weighed the pluses and minuses and sah comes out first- it isn't really close. If it were close, I would be a wohp. So, I feel like a "Have To" sahp.

If we look at the finances, DH is a "Have To" wohp if we have a sahp. However, when we made the decision to have me first work part time and then, later, quit. We talked about *both* of us working reduced hours (30 or so). He did quit a very demanding job at a start up and went to a *relatively less demanding job at a medium sized company. So, weighing his feelings, he is a "Choose To" wohp.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 1:38pm

That is about where I am sitting. DH makes enough to pay all of the bills and a few extras. My salaries allows us higher savings, more extras and the ability to pay more than minimums on our parent loans.

I don't want to go back to having to count every penny again. That was no fun. I don't make much but what I do make prevents that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 1:56pm
Correct me if I am wrong but I thought you had mentioned that you make a significant amount more than your dh.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 2:04pm
I do make more than my dh.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 2:06pm
Wouldn't you have to cut out alot of things if you were a sahm?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 2:13pm

Yes I would. Which is why I said that it would be like taking 18 giant steps backward. I could be a SAHM (or for that matter, dh could be a SAHD), but we'd have to sell the house and downsize, we'd have to give up gourmet dinners and gym memberships. The kids would have to give up some activities such as GS camp and band. I'd have to give up my shoe fetish.


But we could live - decently - on either of our incomes.

Avatar for mommy2amani
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 2:19pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 2:20pm
Could you downsize in your area? I just ask as we couldn't downsize in our current home (and live in a decent area).
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 2:29pm
Oh, we could WAY downsize in our area. We could even downsize signifcantly in our current subdivision.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 2:38pm
Is your area considered average, middle or high class? I ask because I am considered middle class and I would have to go to average or below average.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 2:40pm

I'd say the larger overall area is probably middle class (the college housing brings it down quite a bit).

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