Choose To verses Have To

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Choose To verses Have To
444
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 9:00am

Where is that line? Is there a line? What determines it?

I have been trying to figure out if I am a "choose to" or "have to" sahp. If one only looks at finances, I am definitely a "choose to" sahp. However, IF I had my druthers, I would be a wohp. My family's "unique" circumstances make it easy for our whole family to have a sahp and a wohp. We have weighed the pluses and minuses and sah comes out first- it isn't really close. If it were close, I would be a wohp. So, I feel like a "Have To" sahp.

If we look at the finances, DH is a "Have To" wohp if we have a sahp. However, when we made the decision to have me first work part time and then, later, quit. We talked about *both* of us working reduced hours (30 or so). He did quit a very demanding job at a start up and went to a *relatively less demanding job at a medium sized company. So, weighing his feelings, he is a "Choose To" wohp.

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Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-29-2010 - 10:21pm
Been great, thanks:) Totally forgot about these boards. Been very busy! Had another child in fact! How have you
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Sat, 05-29-2010 - 3:54am
Wow! Talk about a blast from the past! How have you all been? (I was Puss_bouquet back then--I've changed a bit since then ;)

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Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-29-2010 - 12:17am

I havent read or posted here in ...wow.....3 years or more? Anyway.....I am a choose to wohp. My husband is a sahp. We decided it made more sense financially for me to work outside the home and for him to be the SAHP. It was important to us to have one of us at home. We were indifferent as to who, outside of who made the most money. And that was me by about a factor of 8-10x.


We have three children......twins who are finishing up 1st grade and a 2 year old. Its been tough at times, but its tough on SAHP's at times too. All up we are both very happy, our kids are doing great, and we have zero financial worries which helps alott too!


So for us the "line" was what is optimal for our family. And for us, that was/ is me working.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2010
Thu, 05-20-2010 - 10:38pm
I guess I missed that we were talking about a particular nanny. Sorry.

"It is said that men may not be the dreams of the Gods, but rather that the Gods are the dreams of men."


-Carl Sagan

"It is said that men may not be the dreams of the Gods, but rather that the Gods are the dreams of men."


-Carl S

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 6:48pm

She is doing excellent this month. Thank you for asking :)


              *Praying for my best friend, my Dad*


 &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 5:22pm
great summation...i hope your child is doing OK.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Sun, 05-09-2010 - 3:21pm

Thank you Puss. Wow, I was completely dumb founded that I didnt prepare to be a single mum...well b/c I am a married mum. And if my DH dies we have a very large life ins policy to help me care for my daughter.


I didnt really write to God one day and say "Hey, coudl you give me the kid who needs machienes to keep her alive...cuz I'm bored with my quiet life today."


So..yep...I guess I am a want to be SAHM...cuz I am not missing a second of this childs life for as long as God says I can have her here.


And actually I am thankful to him

              *Praying for my best friend, my Dad*


 &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Sun, 05-09-2010 - 3:17pm

Thank you. If I had a looking glass that had said "One day you will have a child who will costs you $28,000 in medical care (so far)"...I would have become a doctor.


              *Praying for my best friend, my Dad*


 &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Sun, 05-09-2010 - 3:15pm

Exactly.


But its also

              *Praying for my best friend, my Dad*


 &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Sun, 05-09-2010 - 3:11pm

Wow, are you naturally this condescending or is it just for me?


You wouldn't HAVE TO stay home for her, if you could make enough money to pay for care for her.


Yes I DO HAVE to stay home for her. I realize you dont know my stitch...so I wont take offense that you are making gross assumptions.


I'm not judging your choice, just pointing out that it IS a choice


Really? Its was a choice to not work for the

              *Praying for my best friend, my Dad*


 &n

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