A Clean House is a Sign of a Wasted Life?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
A Clean House is a Sign of a Wasted Life?
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Tue, 01-07-2014 - 9:35am

From Time.com, the author takes a look at her life and whether if you put too much time into domestic chores it takes away from your career:

In the early morning stillness, before the house was teeming with other people who needed things from me, I found myself engrossed in an opinion piece by Stephen Marche, “The Case for Filth.” His essay sprang off a study showing that young men today are not doing any more housework than their fathers did 30 years ago.

In the days immediately following its publication, Marche’s essay was hammered. “If there is a God, this guy will spend the afterlife scrubbing toilets and vacuuming,” tweeted feminist author Jessica Valenti, joining a chorus of critics. And she was right. Marche makes a pseudo-intellectual argument for why men don’t do their share of the chores (“Even the most basic housework proves ethereal on inspection”) while demeaning women in the process (“Millions of young women are deeply attracted to the gloomy vice of domestic labor”).

Still, I must confess: When I came to Marche’s penultimate sentence—“A clean house is the sign of a wasted life, truly”—my day was suddenly shot. I found myself sitting there at the kitchen island, rattled, wondering if I was, in fact, truly wasting my life. “Let them eat crust” echoed in my mind.

In this sense, a “clean house” isn’t merely about picking up dirty socks or putting away the dishes. It is about taking on a kind of hidden housework: making a home that is warm and inviting, comfortable and comforting; creating a space where my children’s friends like to hang out and we as a family feel ensconced; and knowing, as Marche himself puts it, “who likes what on their sandwiches.”

But doing all of this takes time, lots of time. And, though my husband does his share, often there aren’t enough hours in the day to manage my home and family as well as I’d like and to be a writer, too.

Read more: http://healthland.time.com/2014/01/06/making-sense-of-mess-finding-meaning-in-household-chores/

The only way I survived when I was working full time after my twins were born was that I was able to keep using the woman who would come clean my house every week while I was on bedrest.   It's very hard to do it all, and something will suffer at some point, whether it being your own sanity or time with your family.  

What do you think?  Do you have a messy or a clean house?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013

I guess that is because you find friendships so difficult that you dont have any that you would feel comfortable with to tell them how you feel and to help and educate them. 

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Sat, 01-11-2014 - 1:44pm

It's nice to see you back here graps/jzy. Interesting response to my post there.  Do you have friends?

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Sat, 01-11-2014 - 1:45pm
I don't think I have any friends who need to be educated about the health risks involved in overeating, smoking, or not exercising. Those issues are not exactly big secrets, and all of my friends are literate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013

Not everyone knows everything and friends help others. I would definately tell a friend how bad soda is. Many people think if it says diet it is ok. Especially ones like yourself who does not watch TV and miss many reports. Especially if you are including the working poor you help with laundry. They probably dont have access to TV or dont see much of it if they are working so much to get by.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Sat, 01-11-2014 - 1:54pm
Even if the "how bad diet soda" issue is news to you, Black/White, it's not news. Most of my friends are heavily into good eating, healthy habits, nutrition. They aren't the ones watching television to find the latest reports, they're doing the research that leads to the reports being written in the first place, or married to the people that are, or in the medical community and reading the scientific literature. The four people who use my washer are also culturally aware and scientifically literate.
Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Sat, 01-11-2014 - 1:55pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<p>Not everyone knows everything and friends help others. I would definately tell a friend how bad soda is. Many people think if it says diet it is ok. Especially ones like yourself who does not watch TV and miss many reports. Especially if you are including the working poor you help with laundry. They probably dont have access to TV or dont see much of it if they are working so much to get by.</p>

That assumes what's written on this board is actually true, who knows anymore.  But yea, I have a friend that goes through bottles (yes, that's an "s" on the end) of mountain dew every day and we talk about how bad that is too, It's bad b/c it's presented here as talking behind these "friends" backs, Lol. 

I think it's best difficult friendships be left with..  well....  difficult people. 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Sat, 01-11-2014 - 2:01pm

And this friend that goes through the bottles of Mountain Dew every day -badgering her about it helps how? I mean, if she's truly ignorant about it, sure, but most people know what they should and shouldn't being doing, and badgering people just makes them feel ashamed, and start avoiding or at least ignoring the shamers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2013
Sat, 01-11-2014 - 2:05pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>It's nice to see you back here graps/jzy. Interesting response to my post there.  Do you have friends?</p>

They seem to think I do, but I understand you consider yourself a better judge of things like my personal life.  So I shall defer to you.  Do I?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2013
Sat, 01-11-2014 - 2:07pm

blackandwhitemolly wrote:
<p>Not everyone knows everything and friends help others. I would definately tell a friend how bad soda is. Many people think if it says diet it is ok. Especially ones like yourself who does not watch TV and miss many reports. Especially if you are including the working poor you help with laundry. They probably dont have access to TV or dont see much of it if they are working so much to get by.</p>

Meh.  My friends are more likely to say something, "Oh heck, Grapthars, that Cherry Coke Zero is TERRIBLE stuff, just TERRIBLE.  Pass that over; I will make the extreme sacrifice of saving you from such poison by drinking it myself."  To which I will either reply, "Not til I get that brownie of yours." or, alternatively, "Bite me."
 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013

Even if the "how bad diet soda" issue is news to you, Black/White, it's not news. Most of my friends are heavily into good eating, healthy habits, nutrition. They aren't the ones watching television to find the latest reports, they're doing the research that leads to the reports being written in the first place, or married to the people that are, or in the medical community and reading the scientific literature. The four people who use my washer are also culturally aware and scientifically literate.

Oh my bad, didn't know all your friends are married to people in the medical field. lol. Are those the ones that you claim are too hard to have friendships with? lol

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