Describe your philosophy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Describe your philosophy
83
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 9:10am

Which statements fit you best? Or if none, make your own (since so many of us don't like to be pigeon holed).

I believe that a mother should stay at home with the children at almost all costs.

I believe that a father should stay at home with the children at almost all costs.

I believe that a parent should stay at home with the children at almost all costs.

I believe that the standard is that a mother stay at home with the children until x age. I understand that not everyone can do this, and there are frequently many adequate othercare alternatives.

I believe that the standard is that a father stay at home with the children until x age. I understand that not everyone can do this, and there are frequently many adequate othercare alternatives.

I believe that the standard is that a parent stay at home with the children until x age. I understand that not everyone can do this, and there are frequently many adequate othercare alternatives.

I believe there is no overall ideal/standard and that each family needs to figure out which options work best for their particular circumstances.

I believe that the standard is for both parents to work; however, I understand that there are certain special circumstances where having a sahp is beneficial (eg. caring for a special needs child, spouse with erratic work hours).

I believe it is ideal for both parents to contribute financially to the family for almost every situation.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2008
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 5:13pm
I believe that both parents should work to provide the best life they can for their kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2006
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 11:47pm

"I believe there is no overall ideal/standard and that each family needs to figure out which options work best for their particular circumstances."


That I believe.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 9:24am

I believe there is no overall ideal/standard and that each family needs to figure out which options work best for their particular circumstances.


this.


i think this is the best of your list,too because you can identify with it without planting judgement on

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2008
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 10:15am

>>I believe there is no overall ideal/standard and that each family needs to figure out which options work best for their particular circumstances.<<

This one. The only option not offered, and I don't know how to word this, is workaholic parents. The only thing I really don't understand is parents who work all the time and really never see the child/children. I don't think this represents anyone here, but IRL, I have met ppl they seriously are not at involved with their children because they are working all the time. But even then, I am sure there are some situations that could possibly come about and make that necessary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 10:30am
I see it here when a State Department employee gets a suitcase mission for a year,or a military parent is deployed overseas in an unsafe area. But they still maintain involvement through internet and e-mail.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 2:16pm

Can I take issue with the word "standard?" Presumably, all of us have the same standard--healthy, happy, well-cared for kids--and it is the means of achieving that standard that will vary from family to family.


So my philosophy--and really, that's too grand a term for what I think--is that both parents should have meaningful work, whether thru paid employment, volunteer work, or simply running the household.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 7:45pm

"I believe there is no overall ideal/standard and that each family needs to figure out which options work best for their particular circumstances."

This is my philosophy. While I can see the benefit of SAH, for certain, it really depends on the family. I personally think SAH would be bad for my family. As in, I'd eventually end up one of those 50's stereotypes on alcohol and valium.

I do know of kids with two WP's who seem neglected, but I also know a lot of families in Denmark where two WP's is the norm, and it's not a big deal, nobody cares.

I really enjoyed working part time while I could. It's never been black/white to me (as in, say, Dr. Laura, who doesn't care if you work 40 hours a week or 4, you are still outsourcing raising your child to a stranger). I never saw the magic of babyhood being the time you must stay home - I'd say 70% of my mom friends who looked askance at me for working after having my son in the first year went back to work in year two. (Though one of the other FT moms is now a SAH mom, so it did go both ways.)

I think one of the benefits of SAH is that it's easier from a time perspective if money's not too big of an issue. You get more time with your kids, you get more time with your spouse, you have the time during the week to do laundry/gardening/cooking/cleaning/oil changing/dentist appts, etc, that working parents need to do on top of a job (or outsource). On the other hand, for me, actually being at work for 8 hours is easier than being with a toddler for 8 hours, so there's the tradeoff.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2008
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 7:59pm

>>I see it here when a State Department employee gets a suitcase mission for a year,or a military parent is deployed overseas in an unsafe area. But they still maintain involvement through internet and e-mail. <<
 
What I said was a workaholic, one who has a compulsive, unrelenting need to work. It's an addiction. They do not find a balance within their lives between personal relationships and work. It's an unhealthy addiction to work.
 
Note, I said ppl who work all the time and are not involved at all with there children.
 
I do not see the correlation between that and ppl in the military that maintain contact via internet and e-mail when they can. Or even any job that requires time away from the family, but still maintain some contact.




Edited 3/22/2009 7:59 am ET by mom_knitcrazy
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2008
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 10:05am

What percentage of working parents never see their children?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 10:13am

Perhaps the "workaholic" parent is maintaining involvement with their children the same way as the parent who is half a planet away - through internet and e-mail and phone. Maybe the "workaholic" parent has breakfast every morning with his/her children even if they don't see them in the evening. Things are not always as they appear to the outsider.

Perhaps the "workaholic" parent's child is best served by having minimal contact with a dysfunctional parent.

No one said all parents are great, involved, healthy parents. But work status, again, doesn't really have anything to do with it. A good parent is a good parent regardless of their job.

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