Did anyone else have as one of their (m)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Did anyone else have as one of their (m)
95
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 4:48pm
dating rules: no divorced people or people who were already parents? Maybe I was narrow minded, but there just seem to be so many issues with blended families that I never considered dating someone with that type of "baggage." Heck, I'm not even sure I would have married someone whose parents were divorced.

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Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 4:52pm
In short: NO. nt
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 4:59pm
Even before you were married the first time? If not, why not (question to the general "you")?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 5:01pm
Nope...wasn't an issue for me either. And I was only 18. Since DH is divorced, I guess that is obvious, though.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 5:02pm
Wow, that narrows the playing field. You wouldnt have married someone whose *parents* were divorced? Thats rather silly, its not the person's fault if their parents divorce. How would you feel if you and your dh divorced someday, and one of your kids had a girl dump him because his parents were divorced? I mean, we are talking about 50 percent probability here.

I wouldnt be out LOOKING for someone with children, but I also could not imagine my life without my dd in it. I am thankful every day that I was open enough to consider dh entering my life, not only because he is a wonderful father (one of the reasons I fell in love with him was from watching him interact with dd) but also a gem of a husband. It would certainly have been my loss if I had been too narrow-minded to get involved with him. He gave me 2 wonderful and amazing children-the fact that one isnt mine my blood doesnt make me feel less thankful to have her in my life.

Geez, I guess I should be glad HE didnt share your view either. My parents have been divorced since I was 4yo. And I'll tell ya something, I'd rather have had my childhood than dh's with 2 unhappily married parents (married for 40 something years before his father died). Just because 2 people stay married doesnt mean they are bringing up their kids in some kind of wonderful home.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 5:04pm
It never came up.

However, truthfully, if I was back out now as a divorced parent, I don't think I'd too easily even consider some guy who'd never had kids and a family of his own. At this point, my perspective is that the benefit of the experience would outweigh the burden of the baggage. The burden of the inexperience would be greater. I CANNOT imagine bringing some inexperienced bachelor,used to being on his own, doing completely his own thing, into my life at this point. He would positively NEED baggage or he's just not going to make it. Thats what I think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 5:09pm
It never really had rules for dating (except the obvious not someone who showed no respect). Since I got married at 22 it never really came up. But I have often wondered if I had still been dating when I was older so the chances of my dating pool having "baggage" being more likely what would I have done. Truthfully I would not want to have to deal with it either but I don't know if I would have gone as far as to just all striking parents off of my list.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 5:12pm
No but I wish I had. I would have saved myself a lot of aggrevation. Unfortunately, I was young and naive when I met dh and thought that a step mother could actually take a mothers place. Boy was I in for a surprise. We were going to get married and be one big happy family. I think I believed in Santa Claus back then too. My mother tried to tell me but I knew it all at 19 and didn't listen. Too bad we only get one shot at life. By the time you have a clue, it's half over.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 5:14pm
Now THIS is something I can totally agree with!
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 5:26pm
Wow! I'm so glad I didn't have a rule like that. DH was divorced without kids when we met. There wasn't any real problem with him and his ex, they just weren't suited. They agreed before marriage they would have a family together. After they got married, she decided she didn't want kids. DH started dental school when they were married. He was away a lot and not pulling in the salary he used to and things were tight. She wanted a big career and everything that goes with it. He wanted a family. They were divorced for 2 years before I met him.

All I can say is his ex's loss was my gain. He's a really good, decent man and I couldn't have asked for better.

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 05-20-2003 - 5:29pm
I have a friend in exactly that position. She has two young teens and her new DH was single until the age of 40 when they married. It's been a HUGE adjustment for all of them, mainly because he doesn't really know how to deal with kids.

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