You just said it clearly, that it was 100% well-cared for, not you being 100% sure. No misunderstanding this time, although the first time, your statement was ambiguous, this time it is quite clear.
It's not only a Bay State thing, though; I have relatives who've never ever WOH, and some who've WOH very seldom and sporadically, and they live in NY and NJ.
For me it is not lack of money, time or education. It is simply that I do not think it is reasonable that I should have to sit through a soccer game once a week, for example, and I fail to see the point of doing it. When my presence has been necessary in order for dd to pursue something that was important to her, I have been there, like music teachers who did not want to be alone with the kid, for example.
As far as homework, I consider parent involvement to be counterproductive most of the time and that is the main reason why I won't do it. If my kid had a problem with a certain subject, I would obviously try to help either directly or indirectly (by paying for a tutor or cram school), but barring that she is on her own. She knows she can ask me a question if she feels the need. She rarely feels the need.
I also wonder if it is beneficial to be so involved. As kids, we spent a lot of time out playing, by ourselves. We had more freedom, less supervision and were expected to be more "able" and independent at a younger age than most kids today. It may make little difference in the longterm, but at least it would have bugged me as a kid if there were always adults hanging about and getting "involved."
I think that even when our childhoods were perhaps not the happiest, we still tend to replicate that which we know. It seems that nothing can make people act reflexively the way parenthood can. I think that is also why so many people argue about parenting using "I feel;" "because that is just the way it is;" "I can't explain, it just is that way" etc. Partly it is probably pure narcissism, in the sense that we find ourselves to be quite splendid people, so if we do to our kids as was done to us, they will become splendid too. It may also be a biological thing that we have this urge to do as our parents did, thus ensuring cultural continuity. I really don't know. Fact is that we all do it to some extent.
My son is 25; I haven't needed daycare for quite some time.
However, my DCP charged PT rates, because not all her DC kids were FT. I couldn't tell you what they were, as it was totally irrelevant to my situation. She's hardly the only DCP in the Washington area that charged PT rates. And the daycare center my son attended later also charged on a two-tier scale for FT and PT. What the PT was or how it broke down? Dunno. Even with our staggered hours which minimized the time our son spent in DC, we paid for FT, as my ex was subject to travel at a moment's notice and there was no way to predict when he'd be going. We paid for FT as insurance against that.
sometimes I would leave my son at DC, if my ex was on travel and I needed to hit the grocery store, because I abhor grocery shopping. It's nightmarish to me and always has been and it's not improved by adding in the presence of a preschooler missing his Daddy at the end of a long day. And there was the occasional personal errand where my son's presence simply was not appropriate, such as at my OB/GYN appointments or when I would drive the ex's Mom to her doctor's appointments. When he could come, he did. When he was better served at DC, he went to DC (such as when I took a week off to paint the condo after we bought it. Hanging around the house while I was trying to paint would have been annoying as heck to me, deadly boring to him and likely quite dangerous as I would not have been able to supervise him sufficiently. Again, a time when he went to DC.
I find the generalized judgments against WOHP who use DC for :::gasp:::: childcare when the parents judge it the best choice to be very shortsighted. "Don't you want to be with your children????" Well, yeah, sure, but not if the situation is going to aggravate everyone to no good end. And not if there's a perfectly viable alternative that the child would greatly enjoy (compared to the first choice of being with Mom and bored out of his skull). I love my son and I loved being around him and I did try to minimize his time away from me because of that, but there were plenty of times when I would be home or not at work or running errands and leaving him (or taking him to) daycare was simply the better choice.
~~~~~~~~~ Kitty "Armour.com also has some wonderful tips for emergency preparedness, which include laying in a big supply of canned meat products. When the end comes, you can ponder whether you've been eating the Four Horses of the Apocalypse."--Moon.Pie.Zappa Click on the Virginia Rescue Center and search for Roxey, VA5165
Yes, I understood what you meant. All I tried to do was offer some reasons other than poverty etc why a parent might do as I do. I fully agree with you that what a parent might consider a "benefit" differs widely. Somewhere further up in the thread I tried to make this exact point a few times. This also suggests to me that it is very hard, if not impossible, to pronounce any particular benefits universal. We can usually define such universal benefits negatively, i.e. the child should not be deprived, the child should not be beaten etc, but beyond that it gets very tricky.
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You just said it clearly, that it was 100% well-cared for, not you being 100% sure. No misunderstanding this time, although the first time, your statement was ambiguous, this time it is quite clear.
"<> At a minimum, not being neglected or abused."
Beyond that?
For me it is not lack of money, time or education. It is simply that I do not think it is reasonable that I should have to sit through a soccer game once a week, for example, and I fail to see the point of doing it. When my presence has been necessary in order for dd to pursue something that was important to her, I have been there, like music teachers who did not want to be alone with the kid, for example.
As far as homework, I consider parent involvement to be counterproductive most of the time and that is the main reason why I won't do it. If my kid had a problem with a certain subject, I would obviously try to help either directly or indirectly (by paying for a tutor or cram school), but barring that she is on her own. She knows she can ask me a question if she feels the need. She rarely feels the need.
I had a textbook-wonderful childhood in that respect.
My son is 25; I haven't needed daycare for quite some time.
However, my DCP charged PT rates, because not all her DC kids were FT. I couldn't tell you what they were, as it was totally irrelevant to my situation. She's hardly the only DCP in the Washington area that charged PT rates. And the daycare center my son attended later also charged on a two-tier scale for FT and PT. What the PT was or how it broke down? Dunno. Even with our staggered hours which minimized the time our son spent in DC, we paid for FT, as my ex was subject to travel at a moment's notice and there was no way to predict when he'd be going. We paid for FT as insurance against that.
sometimes I would leave my son at DC, if my ex was on travel and I needed to hit the grocery store, because I abhor grocery shopping. It's nightmarish to me and always has been and it's not improved by adding in the presence of a preschooler missing his Daddy at the end of a long day. And there was the occasional personal errand where my son's presence simply was not appropriate, such as at my OB/GYN appointments or when I would drive the ex's Mom to her doctor's appointments. When he could come, he did. When he was better served at DC, he went to DC (such as when I took a week off to paint the condo after we bought it. Hanging around the house while I was trying to paint would have been annoying as heck to me, deadly boring to him and likely quite dangerous as I would not have been able to supervise him sufficiently. Again, a time when he went to DC.
I find the generalized judgments against WOHP who use DC for :::gasp:::: childcare when the parents judge it the best choice to be very shortsighted. "Don't you want to be with your children????" Well, yeah, sure, but not if the situation is going to aggravate everyone to no good end. And not if there's a perfectly viable alternative that the child would greatly enjoy (compared to the first choice of being with Mom and bored out of his skull). I love my son and I loved being around him and I did try to minimize his time away from me because of that, but there were plenty of times when I would be home or not at work or running errands and leaving him (or taking him to) daycare was simply the better choice.
Kitty
"Armour.com also has some wonderful tips for emergency preparedness, which include laying in a big supply of canned meat products. When the end comes, you can ponder whether you've been eating the Four Horses of the Apocalypse."--Moon.Pie.Zappa
Click on the Virginia Rescue Center and search for Roxey, VA5165
~~~~~~~~~
Kitty
"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in t
Yes, I understand that.
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