Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
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Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
| Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm |
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.
I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.
The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?
Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

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Hollie
http://attach.prospero.com/n/docs/docDownload.aspx?guid=7E117344-D332-46AD-A2B2-30B19FAEACCF&webtag=iv-pssahwoh
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
How'd we get from moving away to replacing him with some new guy?
Hollie
http://attach.prospero.com/n/docs/docDownload.aspx?guid=7E117344-D332-46AD-A2B2-30B19FAEACCF&webtag=iv-pssahwoh
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
Well, considering he travels 2-3 weeks out of every month anyway, and had already chosen to spend 2 week-long vacations with the OW and NOT with the kids, before we even divorced, its kind of already been proven.
Flights don't cost more for a 6-week visit than they do a 2-week visit. Money is not the issue. Sure, he'd have to arrange childcare for while he was working, but *hello* he'd have to do that if he had custody too!
He was willing to spend $300 per flight to fly every weekend to see OW in VA -he's in AZ- but not that same $300 to see his kids every weekend.
He has shown where his priorities are.
I actually offered for him to have the kids the whole summer. But, since he travels, it isn't possible. Can't blame that one on me.
(btw, the *only* thing he has for him in AZ is his job. He could easily find another one, even with the same employer, much closer to where we are.)
Hollie
http://attach.prospero.com/n/docs/docDownload.aspx?guid=7E117344-D332-46AD-A2B2-30B19FAEACCF&webtag=iv-pssahwoh
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
I can see that too. Lives have to go on - everyones. Even the life a cheating NCP. And when the kids are 1000miles away and not allowed to be part of the daily life of the NCP...its going to be tough. Relegating kids to the exception to daily life almost sets the NCP up for failure I think.
You've hit the nail on the head . twice.
I *am* fighting my own demons. I definitely, at times (lots of them), have doubts about whether or not I did the right thing. But those doubts quickly diminish when xh doesn't call, or says he can't visit because he's flying across the country to see OW instead, or when my parents visit the kids and spend some of that special grandparent time that my kids have never had before, or, or, or. There's always a "sign" or some kind of confirmation that I did the right thing whenever these doubts crop up and they're coming less and less often. I think why this thread got me so much is because it *appears* to outsiders that I took/made this decision lightly. I agonized over it. I thought of every other possible solution. I argued all those points with myself. I discussed them with good friends, counselors, etc. I've *done* all this ... and it angers/frustrates me to hear people assume/infer that I didn't, that I wasn't smart/responsible/mature enough to cover all my bases.
Also, you're right in that he's finding himself. He refuses to admit it to this day, but this is connected to his father's failing health. Shortly before he had the affair, he found out his father has a frontal lobe dementia. At age 54. Its genetic; other family members have died early from this. At age 54, his dad was incapable of holding down a job. And just last week, at age 56, he was put into a nursing home because he had become a danger to himself and others. he can't be left alone with xh's 4yo nephew. Xh's mother agrees with me on the connection. He was facing his own possibly mortality and insanity/dementia/senility. And he could find no other way to deal with it. Add to that our marital problems and BINGO! recipe for an affair.
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
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Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
It was not about you or your situation, just an evolution of the thread, as tends to happen around here.
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No, he was showing where his priorities were wrt to his spouse. All a parent's vacation weeks don't belong to a child, or a spouse. Its the who about the vacation week that matters. A man who cheats on his wife is not by extension, cheating on his children. If say, he opted to use his spare time to coach the OW's child's soccer team, rather than one for his own children - now he is cheating on his kids - because for some reason some other child has become more important to him than his own. But its not fair to equate cheating on you with cheating on kids.
Huh? If he chooses to spend time with her instead of choosing to spend time with them, how is that not about the kids.
A. I can be home with my kids.
B. I can be in another state with my girlfriend.
He chose A. It IS about her over them in some cases.
Hollie
http://attach.prospero.com/n/docs/docDownload.aspx?guid=7E117344-D332-46AD-A2B2-30B19FAEACCF&webtag=iv-pssahwoh
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
I disagree too. BUTTTTTT, there are relationships to be gained that would not happen if the move didn't.
Yes, my kids (to use me as the example again .. seems im the best guinea pig around) have a *diminished* relationship with their father (notice I didn't say damaged or non-existent). But they have gained some wonderful relationships with their grandparents and uncles. Do they replace that which they lost with their father? No, but its a wonderful element of their lives that would NOT have been possible if we hadn't moved. I'll take a 75% relationship with dad and a 75% relationship with gma/gpa over a 95% relationship with dad and a 5% relationship with gma/gpa.
FTR, although I now have "another man" in my life, he is NOT a replacement for their father. Never will be. Do they adore him? and him them? Yep. But that's *in addition to* what they have with their dad ... not in place of.
Hollie
http://attach.prospero.com/n/docs/docDownload.aspx?guid=7E117344-D332-46AD-A2B2-30B19FAEACCF&webtag=iv-pssahwoh
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
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