Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
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Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
| Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm |
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.
I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.
The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?
Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

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That was hallejah_moms idea. She seemed to suggest that a move-away would not be harmful as long as you replace dad with another good man. I disagree adn find that thought ratehr disturbing.
I was speaking on the grounds that if the father was not doing his job being there anyways, hence wouldn't make it a difference whether he was there physically or not.
And also, it doesn't matter whether a bio-father is there for the child or a non-bio-father is there.
Hollie
http://attach.prospero.com/n/docs/docDownload.aspx?guid=7E117344-D332-46AD-A2B2-30B19FAEACCF&webtag=iv-pssahwoh
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
He works hard and often comes home exhausted. In former yrs, he worked all-nighters, sometimes a few days in a row. Sure, there are breaks and wasting time on the internet and gabbing with his colleagues. He has a much higher IQ than I and would be wasted and unfulfilled in a job with better hours in the same field. So I just don't understand this common misperception that a parent is "selfish" for working long hrs. The only explanation I can discern from your posts is that a parent who does not come home at or soon after dinner is being "unfair" because he's not pulling his weight and it's difficult being the only parent home with the children. So, if you're still interested in addressing this issue (because your response to me didn't really discuss it), does your definition of selfish encompass avoiding helping out with the children and putting the onus on one parent who may need a break or help? If so, that's entirely different (and nowhere near as insulting) than saying the hard-working parent is being selfish.
Is it a hardship on the sahp A resounding YES! (You don't want to get me started on that subject)
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Special grandparent time >> benefit than regular easily accessible special Daddy time? Ok, when the other kids have their Daddy coaching soccer, and hockey and here and there and whatever, your kids will not have theirs. Will grandparent presence make up for it, do you think? Don't sell the Daddy too short too quickly. Its quiet common for Daddys to come on line in a big way in the lives of their kids once the kids are schoolage. You say you have thought about the ramifications...I hope you have. Believe ME I know. When I had a 2 and 4 yr old my HUSBAND lived 4 hrs away in another city 5 days a week. Even then the kids missed him - but you know it really didn't make a huge difference to their daily lives. Now they are 7.5 and 10 and they'd probably divorce ME if I moved them 1000 miles away from their father. He is up to his eyeballs in their lives - and its not just him. Its an incredibly common Daddy transformation. The way you have things now, you can't expect to see that transformation, so just don't hate him when you see it in terms of some future kids he might have. Just - get ready for it and be ready for it or it will hurt. Your situation does preclude it happening for yours. And you can't blame. He could move to where you want to be, but you could have stayed where he wants to be. You are both equally responsible for the distance thing and the ramifications of it.
What Hollie said - I think your threshold is arbitrary. It is impossible to put a "limit" on the number of hours one can work before there is any "damage" to a parent child relationship because every relationship is different.
Family A may have DH attend med school FT and DW work a 60 hour week and they have a very healthy, loving relationship with their well-adjusted child.
Family B may have DH work 40 hours a week and DW SAH and they have a poor, strained relationship with their not-so-well-adjusted child.
I understand what you are trying to say (I think) that too much time away from your children can have harmful consequences to your relationship with them. I agree with this. However, to say that anyone who works 60-80 hours a week (even if the other parent is a FT SAHP) is selfish and that their child will be damaged b/c of it, is a blanket statement that I just cannot agree with.
It's a matter of the other spouse and the rest of the extended family stepping in to that void and helping the children see the 'greater good"--whether that's a parent trying to achieve a career goal that will ultimately help the family (such as an uncle of mine who worked very long hours early on in his career so that eventually, his wife didn't have to work and so that the 3 kids (two of whom were not *his* children) could afford college), or that the parent is helping a greater good in society (such as the aunts who work in the hospital and were often called to longer hours in the case of emergencies, like after the 1995 tornado in Plainfield, IL, or my dad who spent 2 weeks living at the armory in Chicago during the riots that ensued during the 1968 National Democratic Convention.)
How the parents address these absences ABSOLUTELY determines how the children are affected by them...and "damage" is in no way a certainty.
<>> oooo, could i plz??? i would not be taking my children from their father, he would be *PUSHING* them away, as he is well aware, i am not happy being so far from my family so if he decided he didnt want or need me anymore, adios.
<<>> Well, duh! ya think?
<<>> Nope, *25*. why should i like it just because i have lived here that long??? that is odd. Im really not in an "awful situation", just dont like living so far from my family. period. Sure i have lots of friends, familiar with the area, looooove my home, enjoy work, but its a different world here, and i would love to just drive over to my parents and hang out for an hour or two and be able to go home at night. or perhaps hang with my sister on her front porch for the evening and then go home and be able to go to work the next day, without all the production of traveling, and spending the night, and imposing alllll the time. Yes, i am quite aware i made my bed, but because my husband has a career going here, its not like we're going to jump and and leave it all. we moved here because there were no jobs where we grew up at the time we were married, and there was here. and i mean *no* jobs! not even the mcdonalds kind of job. so we had to do what we had to do, but i dont have to like it.
fyi, now that my dh has a position where he can live where he wants, after our youngest finishes hs in two years, we *are* moving out of here. and our kids have decided we all want to be close in vacinity with each other, so i may not live near my parents or my sister, but i will have all my children back near me.
like i said, if dh decided to PUSH us away, we will go. period. he can come live where he doesnt want to for 25 years.
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