Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
1358
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.

I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.

The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?

Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 12:53pm
No, it was weird that I agreed with her on something.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 12:56pm

There's plenty of evidence of children having problems in the absence of either parent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 6:12pm
oh, gotcha!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 6:26pm
I don't think ANYONE, including Virgo and her dh, has said it has NO EFFECT. But simply that the effect it has had was not "damaging".

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 6:28pm
When DH was in the Air Force if we were to divorce then I would have moved back "home". Three reasons, since we moved so frequently I never thought of anywhere as home but just a stop in our journey, because of the moves I never set up long term support systems and there was no guarentee that he would live wherever we were for any length of time.

But if we were to divorce now then I would stay here. Having lived here for almost 6 years this has become my "home".

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 7:08pm
"Damage" and "Effect" are not interchangeable words here. I never said his absence has no *effect* on their lives, and the post of yours to which I replied wasn't discussing "effect"; it discussed *damage*.

Two VERY separate animals in this discussion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 7:13pm

You may think it's naive and false, but I can say that this last absence had zero NEGATIVE effect on my kids' relationship with their dad or on our relationship as a husband and wife. . .


That's not to say the same could be said by anyone in the same or a similar situation

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 7:18pm

But there's a difference between not physically seeing a parent and a parent being UNINVOLVED in a child's life.


My children may not see their dad for large portions of time, but we kept him a part of their lives and him in theirs in a number of ways. . .


Very different from a divorced family where the co-parents don't stay involved in the children lives.

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 7:19pm
That almost makes me feel sorry for you. Not that you don't live near your family, but that you don't see any value to your kids in considering it.

On the other hand, you AREN'T in a position of facing the dissolution of your marriage AND still living that far from your family, so it's not like you have any real insight into how valuable such closeness can be.

when my ex and I were together, the bulk of my immediate family lived in and around the DC area. But through job transfers, career changes and in my parents' case, retirement,, they had all either left or were in the process of leaving when my ex and I split. Finding myself without my ex AND without my immediate family was very hard and it was a terribly hard decision to make to choose to remain here near my ex rather than move home.

What made the difference? My ex's immediate family lived in the area, so I was NOT totally bereft of familial support. Sure, they were siding with him, but I knew when I needed help with John, or even someone just willing to listen to me bounce child-raising ideas off of or grousing about child-raising in general, they were still more than willing to be there in that capacity for me. It made a huge difference.

it's still VERY hard to be away from my extended family. I miss them horribly. I deliberately visit them ONLY once a year because the homesickness such visits cause are really hard to cope with Heck, even my roommate misses my parents' after they visit.

that you don't seem to need your family's presence is certainly your right, but it doesn't make those of us who value theirs weird or unusual....or needy in some shameful way. It makes us different. But it's a perfectly valid choice to choose to return to one's family when a marriage has ended; that it wouldn't be *your* choice is hardly justification for calling it weird.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 7:23pm
Having BTDT and the entire collection of t-shirts to mark the occasion, it's a LOT easier to say that than to do it.

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