Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
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Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.

I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.

The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?

Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 7:48pm
I think one thing that makes military seperations easier then divorce type seperation is you are still an intact family who just happens to have one member living temporily somewhere else rather than a family split in half. Even though we never had to endure the long seperations that you have in my DH's military career, times that we were apart were helped by the fact that we all still felt a connection to each other and also knowing that being apart was not a choice. I think making the choice have a career that may mean being apart is much different then making the choice to be apart because you do not want to be together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 10:48pm

Until tonight I hadn't really paid any attention to this thread, but let me assure you that there was NOTHING about Hollie's decision to return to OK from AZ that was hasty or punitive.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 12:07am
No no no.. it's not weird to want to be near family, it was weird that I agreed with her since I hardly ever do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 12:11am
Maybe so.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 6:39am
Sorry. I finally saw that this morning. I still maintain that if you and DH (GOD FORBID) ever divorce, you may think differently....or at least re-evaluate that. It's a good idea, can't say it's not, cuz it's ultiimately what I chose. But it's HARD HARD HARD...and when you are all most vulnerable emotionally. I still chose it, and if I had to do it again, would likely choose it again. But I can't fault anyone who would choose to head back, kids in tow, to the arms of extended family, either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 9:46am

As always, thank you. For *everything*. You know I couldn't have made that decision with any confidence without you.


Dammit. You made me cry on Mother's Day, woman!

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 10:14am

Had to comment once again.


Had the split happened when we lived in VA, even farther away from my family than when we were in OK, I don't think I would have headed back. I had GREAT friends and support in VA. A handful that I keep in touch with still. Women that were MY friends (not xh's). Two that had BTDT; one in my field of work; one that had

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 10:23am
very good post. i happen to be extremely close to my parents and sister, although living 600 miles away from them for nearly 25 years. the bond is/will never be broken. we have been there for each other through everything, and cant imagine not having each other. otoh, my dh is very quiet and has a very hard time expressing himself verbally, so i think if i were to stay around, i wouldnt have nearly the level of emotional support as i would if i moved home. dh is an awesome dad, and i know there would be many visits, but *I* would need the emotional support of my family to help me be a good mom to my children. in addition, my children are extremely close to my family, so as i am sure they would miss their dad, they would have nothing but emotional support being around my family. i dont have a "career" going, so it would not be a horrible thing to leave my job behind, as i could very easily transfer to my "home" vicinity as well.

unlike you, there would be absolutely *no* emotional support from my in-laws, as it doesnt exist now, so i know it would just be worse if we divorced. my in-laws take the divorce of their other son very personally(rolling eyes), but thats another "oprah show".

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 10:50am
I am saying that if a child sees less of a parent because he/she works long hours or goes to school for a short period of time there is no damage. I am not talking about a child who NEVER sees either of his parents. What specifically is the damage?

You can use my kids as an example. I worked when they were small. I went to work early so I could come home at a reasonable time. Dh was working those years as well as going to school. There were a few nights a week that he did not come home at all. On weekends we spent nearly every minute together as a family. That lasted 3 years. He did not hgo to school in the summers.

Our older sons were 3,1 when he finished school. They are 10, 7 now. After those 3 years dh and I both worked but he was not going to school any more. Another child was born after dh finished school. I have spent much more time with the youngest than I have with the older 2 as I cut back my work schedule and eventually was laid off and decided to SAH.

Yet, the older 2 adore me just as much as their younger brother. None of them suffers from emotional problems. They all have normal socal interactions. They enjoy their lives.

SO-What is the damage? Where is it? I don't think there is any. I enjoy being home now, but I don't sit around all day regretting the time I worked because it damaged my kids and I could have prevented it.

AND-the extra $$ that dh earns enriches everyone's life. My kids enjoy all the perks of having a little money. They would not have experienced that had dh not made an investment in himself by going to law school. I am not talking about video games and nice cars, but rather the enriching experiences of travel, exposure to a multitude of cultural events, as well as the ability to pursue their individual interests (piano lessons, football camps and other expensive endeavors) that may have been missing in their lives without the funds to pay for them.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 10:16pm
But what makes "unpaid" employment so much more luxurious than "paid" employment?

I hardly think being up to my elbows cleaning up crap (be it the dog's poo or the kid's poo) as I was a few (bad) days in a row last week qualifies me for living in the lap of luxury. Moreover, I doubt that DH would have given up his big spacious office and swanky lunches out to trade places with me and clean up the poopy messes.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: DH is so successful b/c his main focus CAN be his career. Why? B/c my main focus is our family and our home. He concentrates on his job and bringing home a paycheck, I worry about everything else. And it works very well for us.

While I'm grateful to him for his hard work and very proud of his career, he's just as grateful to me and just as proud of all the work I do.

C

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