Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
1358
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.

I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.

The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?

Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 12:17pm
No, his pushing away of the Mother doesn't qualify as his pushing away of his kids. Tragically for Moms, the kids aren't the Mom.

If he'd moved across the country to be with his new girlfriend and insisted she bring the kids there - if she wanted him in their lives - it would be about the same a her moving back home and insisting he move there if he wants the kids in his life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 12:26pm
I'm sure there are plenty of Dads out there who pick up and head out of town the minute the divorce is secured. This wasn't one of them. Yet for all the good its done the kids -he might as well have been. Which is kind of sad - for the kids and the Dad.
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 12:38pm
I thought she made it quite clear to anyone actually paying attention that she didn't have support in AZ, but did in OK - and that she had moved to AZ because of DH and his work.

You mean to tell me if you uproot your life for a man and have kids, but then get divorced, you wouldn't want to go back to the place where you have support?

Grandparents are family too you know. I find it pathetic that you would post some of the things you've posted - if you actually read any of what she's said you'd know how very off base you are. I haven't been here that long and I know she didn't do it to get back at anyone. Sheesh!

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 12:39pm
So if you were to divorce they would see him daily?
Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 12:48pm
You're talking out of both sides of your mouth here.

On the one hand you think the kids *need* the father to live in close proximity and blame Hollie for brutally moving the kids 1000 miles away.

On the other you say a child doesn't NEED a parent to spend all of their vacation with them.

A parent should spend SOME vacation time with their kids either if they live with the kids or do not (frankly I can't see taking a vacation without my son for a very very long time but that's just me).

CHOOSING to spend his time with his new woman rather than the kids is cheating them out of his time. Period. It was cheating the kids out of THAT MOMENT IN TIME - notice I didn't say EVERY vacation.

How would you do it if you were to divorce?

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 12:56pm
You know...you can only take that "I have to do xyz in order to be a good Mommy" thing so far. What if your husband said to you "Sorry about the affair, but our relationship was just too difficult for me, and I needed to do this in order for me to be a good father. I'd rather have two good parents in the home - one faithful, one not, than one faithful good parent and one faithful univolved parent. Affairs can be overcome - bad parenting, not so much."
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 12:57pm
So, how did this get to be all about the Mom, exactly? In terms of the Dad and the children?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 1:01pm
If I were to divorce, my husband would still be able to participate in the daily lives of his children - yes. He'd be able to see them and take part in all their goings on this side of expending superhuman effort. He'd need a Lear jet and a permanentally reserved spot on a runway at each end and a standing flight plan to be able to even SOMEWHAT approximate that same degree of local involvement if I moved 1000 miles away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 1:14pm
Some vacation time sure. I'm quite positive he had more than 1 week of vacation. Since the kids don't need that one week of vacation, and its perfectly fine for parents to vacation without kids, the kids weren't cheated out of a thing. Kids don't own all a parents time and they aren't cheated out of that which isn't spent with them. You can't cheat anyone out of anything they don't have a right to. In fact, if that Dad had taken the Mother away for a weeks vacation - the kids would have had a much bigger problem with that arrangement. You have to realize - given the choice between those two things - the kids will send Dad off with the gf.

If I were to divorce, first priority would be maintaining stability in the kids' lives. Ideally, that would mean they get to stay in the same neighbourhood, same school, with as much of their lives intact as possible - and with regular access to both parents. You know, like most people I know who've done it - have done it. My worst case scenario - we'd have to move the kids to a new area of the general metro area and change schools etc to accomodate the changes in logistics and finances. If my children's father ends up 1000 miles away it won't be because I put that distance there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 1:21pm
Now concern for one's kids is an actual reason to HAVE an affair? Write the book, "Better Parenting Through Screwing Around," I'm sure you'll make a mint telling people what they want to hear!

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