Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Divorce rulings on SAHM's alimony?
1358
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:29pm
I have seen this many times, and I am wondering what your guys' opinion on this. Of course with divorce rates so high we find couples with children in court all the time finding out what is entitled to mothers for alimony. The argument is, should SAHM's receive more alimony then WOHM's? This meaning SAHM's who have through the whole marriage stayed at home with the children while the fathers successeds in their careers. This also meaning if they are going to pursue a career after the fact is their income be significant enough compared to the EX since they have been out of the work force for years and has not gained experience in what ever career the would have pursued.

I personally know someone who went through the exsact same thing and had a hard time finding a job(with income compareable) after the divorse since she hadn't worked for 25yrs.

The question also arise, does the SAHM contribute to the Fathers success because they choose to stay home therefore they should receive a cut now that they are divorced (the same as many would if they were still married)?

Thoughts? Please state weather you are a SAHM or WOHM when you place your comments

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 4:54pm

Sorry, I got confused as to what she was agreeing with.


Felicia was furthering explaining to me why she feels a SAH is a "kept" woman.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 4:54pm
How do you feel about the possibility of one of you not being able to bring in any income? What would happen in your marriage if one of you was rendered completely unable to work and for some reason, there was no compensation--no disability benefits or whatever? Would such a situation completely mess up your current relationship? I worry about couples that are so completely independent of one another and adament that they can survive happily without the other--what about give and take? What happens when (or if) a dependency is created? Could you stand to live with a person who was responsible for your support when you are unable to contribute? Could you stand to support a person unable to support himself?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 4:55pm

Yes, I am sorry, I misunderstood what you were agreeing with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 5:01pm
I sincerely hope you never get gravely ill and need to depend on others. I can't even imagine how terrible that would be for you. Would you divorce your dh if you were diagnosed with a chronic or terminal illness that made you rely on others?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 5:01pm

You also have more then my husband.


What is up with you today as I am having a hard time believing that you would truely not be upset if you were to only see your children on a limited basis issued by someone other then yourself.

Misty

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 5:05pm
This is my quote of the week,

"Even without a job I consider myself to be a full and functioning human being."

How completely ridiculous that we get to the point where this needs to be stated. Should we start a thread about how SAHPs are actually sub-human?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 5:33pm
>>>I still have a responsibility to myself and my children and my community to be a productive, self-sufficient member of society<<<

Its funny you state that because being a SAHP I feel that I have the time and energy to be involved in way more then when I was a WOHM. I belong and volunteer in MANY organizations/causes and feel because I am a SAHM I have that opportunity because I am not taking the time away from my children...thus making me a productive, (self-sufficient-scratch that...if needed to be) contributing member of society.

I am not a "kept women" because I feel I have a choice to work or not!! NO ONE is keeping me if anything I am less of a "kept women" because I have the opportunity to do all that I do to better my community for my children. I am a less "kept" because I don't have a job to "keep" me so I am free to do alot more then I was able to.

Louise

Be who you are and say what you feel because those  who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 5:42pm
Oh good :) I was afraid I was being too subtle ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 5:49pm
or maybe your kids have never lived in a home that wasn't yours.

I'm with suzymom....it SUCKS ROCKS WITH A HOOVER when your kid isn't sleeping in his bed in YOUR house every night. When my ex and I split and John spent the summers with him, I literaly counted the days until school started again. And my ex and his wife lived *maybe* a 10 minute drive from me. 15 minutes, tops. I hated every second he was gone.

When he graduated school and moved in with his dad and stepmom because they lived nearer his job, it was HORRIBLE. Again, I just HATED it.

When his dad and stepmom moved further out and he moved back in with me, it was so wonderful to me, and it's NOT like I see him any more now than I did before. Our work schedules are different and he's always out with his friends...and (announcement) former fiancee (they split up, story much too long for this, but stepparenting issues was the breaker). But I know he's here and that makes a huge difference.

Talk to us about all your testosterone when Petey and Joey are living with someone else.

(And, btw, my ex and I have discussed this very issue; he hates John living with me the same way I hate John living with him...and for the same reasons. We each know the other is a perfectly find living arrangement. We just wanted our son home.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 6:05pm
How much is $300/month going to improve the children's SOL as much as staying with dad who has the higher SOL. Dad is, obviously, earning enough to support a household as he was doing it before the divorce. Mom has yet to figure out how to support a household so I doubt his giving her $300 a month would bring her anywhere near his SOL. I still say he has more to offer the kids. There is no reason the kids shouldn't be with their father if he's a fit parent. With mom working now, the kids are going to get roughly the same amount of parental time either way. Why live the lower SOL? Let mom get her act together first.

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